Seeking a tangible managenent plan (26m)

[Vanillacar]

Hi guys,

I've taken a few good hits in life and always managed to bounce back, resilience has always been one of my stronger points. Although at the moment, and in the last few months, I've been suffering in silence. My partner of 10 years has cottoned on that something isn't quite right, and pushing me to seek help. Not something I've ever done in my life, I've always sorted things out on my own. I've always felt (as messed up as this is) that it's weak, inferior, and pathetic, and I just can't shake the stigma. Worst of it is that I'm the first to make sure that my friends are doing ok and should seek advice, but I can't even get myself together to do it myself.

My concern is that this has become a flaw, a weak spot in my character, which will prevent any further career progression in my profession. I know this is wrong. But the voice in my head telling me that I'll never make it to management, never be considered for a senior position, tearing down all of my ambitions all day relentlessly just never seems to end. I'm remunerated generously, I live in a nice house, in a nice suburb, in my mid 20s with the love of my life. I just want more, I don't know why, but I feel like every day I'm in a losing battle with my own negative thoughts.


What are some rock solid, tried and tested techniques? What do people do other just talking about it? Do I need to start a though diary or something?

I've just started with the headspace app, wasn't overly impressed that they want to squeeze money out of people already at a low point, but thats the world I guess. I wake up at the same time every day (5:50am), and manage my sleep apnea to the best of my ability. I eat reasonably healthy, and have started working out regularly again after a 6 month hiatus. I feel like things should be better by now. But still I just shut off emotionally, run in auto pilot, and just watch everything pass me by.

I'm done with this selfish wallowing in self pity and for lack of a better word, need to get my sh*t together, for those who care about it.

I'm sorry if anything of this is vague, or poorly explained, I'm at a loss and wanted to seek some form of guidance before I either relapse or actually speak about it.

Regards,

A

[Peppermintbach]

Hi A,

You sound overwhelmed but also emotionally detached at the same time. You’re clearly questioning a lot of things, and I imagine the self doubt would be very distressing...

I love how observant and loving your partner is...your partner clearly knows you well to pick up that something isn’t quite “right.” I’m glad that person is in your life to support you...

I think it’s fantastic that you are very resilient. The capacity to bounce back from hardships is an admirable quality...

That being said, I also know how much you’re hurting and struggling at the moment. I think it’s doubly hard when there’s a part of you that associates help-seeking with “weakness”, even if the logical part of your brain knows that’s untrue...

I would gently suggest, if you haven’t already, to book an extended appointment with your GP and explain your recent struggles plus enquire about their mental health care plan...

I know you have your doubts about the effectiveness of “talking”, which is fair enough and understandable. But I like to think of seeing health professionals as less about talking, and more about having someone facilitate our own healing and problem solving process.

You strike me as someone who is very self aware and who knows what you like/don’t like. So I would suggest that you be polite but assertive at your GP appointment (if that is what you decide to do)

e.g. “I’m struggling with this, that and this...is there someone you could recommend that I see?”

”Do you know of any organisations that I can contact?”

”Can I please ask what are good strategies to manage anxious thoughts/ruminations?”

Etc...

As in just politely & respectfully take charge of your own healing 🙂

As for more personal relationships, I feel there’s something to be said about self disclosure and reciprocity.

For example, you’ve clearly been there for many of your friends, so how about letting them be there for you for a change? I think sometimes people who have been more on the “receiving” end are more than happy to reciprocate some of the care that they have received...I feel it’s that mutual give-and-take that can really help grow relationships 🙂

I think your post was well written and reflected your own self awareness. So please don’t worry too much about it being “vague”...

How have things been since your opening post, if that’s okay for me to ask?

Kindness and care,

Pepper

[Croix]

Dear Vanillacar~

I'd like to join Pepper in welcoming you here, as usual Pepper gives good advice and you are obviously open to suggestion. seeing your GP in an extended appointment and giving a full and frank account of your life, feelings and doubts can only help. See what comes out of that.

You asked about a 'tangible management plan'. I use such a plan, this particular one is propitiatory, though cheap and is paper - or text on computer - based and is called the Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP)

It consists of dividing up your mental welfare and resultant feelings and actions into stages, from all's well though to crisis and beyond. While I do not suggest you need all of it there are some strengths that can be used by anyone. They consist of what you do and think if in a good place, and also -and this is most important - what others think of you at the time.

The next stage is your actions and thoughts when down, again wiht what others feel about you, and possible remedies. And so it goes on.

The big advantages are firstly you prepare it when in a reasonably good place (wiht at leat one other), and it relies not only on one's subjective feelings, but those of others that know you too. I find this great as my self-assessment skills are not that good.

Additionally having already thought out possible actions to take to improve matters no real thinking is required at the time, which can be a real help when concentration is non-existent and matters low.

I'd suggest you Google WRAP and see what you think. there are filled in examples out there, I took much of mine from US Vet's plans.

Please let me know what you think

Croix