Hi allyally
I'm so glad you've come here to express how you feel. My heart goes out to you while you struggle through year 12, the hardest academic year there is out of the 13 years of primary and secondary school.
Was having a conversation with my son, who's also in year 12, just the other day. I said to him something along the lines of 'If any adult fails to give you sympathy when it comes to spending 13 years in a system that can be at times exhausting, anxiety inducing and depressing in some ways, ask them if they would stay in a job for more than a decade that was exhausting, anxiety inducing and depressing to various degrees'. You gotta give yourself the credit you deserve, for making it through to year 12. As a 52yo gal, back in my day a lot of students finished in year 11 because they'd had enough by then. These days there's the push to stick it out to the end of school, which is so hard for some.
Not sure whether you intend to go onto uni but if you have no intention have you considered doing year 12 unscored (without sitting exams to gain an ATAR)? This way you only need to pass the SACS and basic course work. I know that's still a tough ask, while feeling so overwhelmed, but it can take the pressure off a bit. My son will be making that decision between the 2 options at the end of this term. While he wants to study marine biology at uni after taking a couple of years off, his goal is to get into uni eventually with or without an ATAR, while having the time to develop strategies in greater focus, structure and self discipline. Getting through this year is his short term goal. Going unscored is something you, your parents and the school's wellbeing coordinator could all discuss, as a team.
I think a lot of adults tend to put ideas in young people's heads when it comes to 'laziness'. There can be so many different reasons for not being able to do things easily. 'Why are things so impossibly hard?' should really be the question. Being someone who's managed depression over the years, I didn't want my son to face a depressing struggle to complete year 12. When it came to mental and physical energy and focus, I had him tested for sleep apnea, had blood tests done to rule out vitamin or mineral deficiencies (such as iron, b12 etc) amongst other things. After all that, I listened to him regarding his request to be tested by a psychologist and, at the end of the investigation, he was diagnosed with high functioning autism. He has such a truly brilliant mind that many find amazing but his inability to focus is extreme at times and a major problem in year 12. Some people can only focus on 1) what's fascinating and 2) what others tutor them through (one on one), in ways they can relate to.
In year 12, the teachers feel a sense of urgency they want their students to feel too. Some will push and push (especially with holiday homework), perhaps without considering the consequences of pushing too hard when it comes to mental health struggles. Have you spoken to your parents about your struggles?
❤️
