Routine, Direction & Purpose. Very Confused.

[ABC01]

Dear All,

I am having an extremely hard time these last few months. I lost someone in May and was diagnosed with anxiety, depression and trauma diagnoses. I have health professionals.

I have been told by others that I appear lost and drifting through these months. I am starting to agree now that has been pointed out to me.

I have been trying to fill my days with a game that has objectives. But when I stop playing the game, everything floods back. If I go out to appointments, the same. All distractions eventually end, and all the feelings come back to me.

I was at the shops today to go grocery shopping for a special reason I had forgotten about on my usual shopping day, and I looked around. My thoughts were, all these people woke up today and said they were coming to the shops for whatever reason. And they did. Then they are going to go home and do the next thing on their list/mind,and so on until the day finishes. Whether it is chores or relaxing to watch tv or youtube. And then they will do it again tomorrow. That is life. But it isn't questioned or reflected on every step. People just do it with ease.

I have none of that. I generally wake up scared of a full day infront of me of nothing. Or if I manage to work something out, once I stop, I am going to go back to being scared. I go to bed being scared. My issues are being half addressed, as medication and stabilizing it is forefront at the moment. And my professionals are only once a fortnight to every three weeks.

So my question is this....How do I find routine? How do I find direction? How do I find a purpose for myself? Are they in the right order?

I want to be like everyone else I see. I want to have things to do without the distress attached to them. I want a life back. I had a life before I lost them. I need to have a life again.

Routine means to me: A group of activities I engage in, generally done in the same way in a pattern. Routines can be daily or weekly/fortnightly.

Direction means to me: A specific way things are done to achieve something or a goal. It is to get me somewhere.

Purpose means to me: A reason for my life. A reason I am alive.

Can anyone give me some insight into that. Whether the definitions are right. Have you been there before(lost) and managed to come back.

Thankyou for listening and providing any advice.

ABC01

[sbella02]

ABC01,

I resonate with what you're saying, and I'm sorry to hear that you've been feeling lost.

If you don't already journal, the questions that you have mentioned can be good topics to start a journal with. I'd encourage you to write down your answers to the following, as it can often help to visualise these. 

I'm going to address each of your points individually, and I'll start with:

Direction

These are some questions to consider, but you can break them down into smaller, more digestible chunks if they feel too broad:

• What aspects of life are most important to you? 
• What achievement/s would make you the most happy if you were to accomplish them?
• What's something you've always wanted to do but have never had the opportunity to pursue? 

These could include but are not limited to starting a family/getting married/having children, having a reliable support circle of friends/acquaintances, pursuing a passion or hobby, specific career achievements/something business-related, achieving financial independence/freedom, or living somewhere specific. Once you have one (or more) in mind, then you may find that your routine/steps to get there, and even your sense of purpose, come to you fairly naturally.

Routine 

I crave routine. I think most people do. Sometimes people do like to switch things up every now and again but for the most part, humans are hard-wired to like things being predictable and familiar. After school finished, I really felt that I lost the sense of routine that made me feel most content, so I made efforts to get back into some kind of routine. Here are two habits I would get into:

1. Have a calendar/schedule/planner that you can write down events in
2. Have a diary that you can write in daily

An optional third habit is to write an hour-by-hour breakdown of what you intend to get done on a certain day and how much time it will take, but I generally only do this on busy days.

I would start by breaking down what you want to get done and when, which could be guided by your answer to the questions under "direction". Across your calendar and diary, it may be useful to have a "to-do list" where there can be a few different ways of separating items:

• Things you want to achieve this year, this month, this week, and today (eg: yearly: receive a promotion at work, monthly: put $500 away into savings account, weekly: learn one new dinner recipe, daily: read three chapters of a novel) 
• Things that are urgent and important (eg: study for exam tomorrow), not urgent but important (eg: get car serviced), not important but urgent (eg: responding to a friend's text), and neither urgent nor important (eg: redecorating your bedroom) 
• Tasks or items that are relevant to a specific goal (eg: completing a project for work, spending time with family, making time for hobbies)

Purpose 

Personally, I think our purpose can be broad and doesn't have to be boiled down to a single one, as I think we can fulfill many purposes over the course of our lives. To that end, I think our purpose can be fluid and evolve depending on what stage of our life we're in, too. 

I've created my (current) purpose by reflecting on what I feel most compelled to do in the world, where I feel most comfortable, and what I like spending time doing, which could be good questions to start with. I feel that my purpose relates to empowering, inspiring, and entertaining others, as I have a passion for psychology as well as a range of creative pursuits. 

This may be a lot to process, so don't feel like you have to reply at all. I hope something in this advice can resonate with you, feel free to keep chatting with us if there's more you have to say or need support with. We're here for you.

Building motivation and purpose takes time, and there are many everyday challenges that can come into your life and affect this journey. Make sure you're being kind to your mind and patient with yourself.

All the best, SB

[ABC01]

Dear sbell02,

Thank you for your insight.

That is alot to read and consider.

But I appreciate your reply.

I can see your passion for psychology coming through.

ABC01