Returning to Work

[MrsO]

I’m in the process of preparing to return to work (special ed teacher) after an extended period of maternity leave. I was initially due to return to work 3 days/week when my son was approx 9 months old but IVF, pregnancy (being under-medicated) and life with a newborn really didn’t agree with my major depression and anxiety so I pushed my return date.

Then my mum (main support and the only person keeping me going through this already challenging time) was diagnosed with advanced and aggressive lung cancer with 10+ brain tumours. No one would commit to a prognosis but we were told ‘months not years’.

Thankfully we had some savings so I could further extend my maternity leave (mum was going to be our childcare) but 4 months after diagnosis, my mum passed away. To say I didn’t cope is an understatement but I had my 9 month old son to focus on so with massive help from hubby I was able to go through the motions, keep everyone alive just doing the bare minimum to survive.

And we did this for about a year. Then reality hit and I realised we had just about gone through our savings and I had no choice but to return to work. New meds had me out and about with my son a little more and there were times where I was actually looking forward to going back to work. We’ve got me set up for success as much as I can possibly think of including my son being settled at daycare and he will be attending 4 days per week even though I’m only actually working 3 to give myself that day at home to recharge, recover and prepare for work etc. I was even able to do a casual day on Friday (last day of term) which was just perfect for my anxiety as I only had 3 days to stress about it and I will have time to be prepared for when school goes back.

But this brings me (finally) to the actual point of my post. 2 days later and I am still completely drained and just want to hide away and hibernate. I expected this to some extent, I’ve effectively been living separate from the big bad world for almost 2.5yrs, spending the majority of my time at home and really only leaving the house with hubby, and I’ve just gone and dropped myself right into the middle of it, a full day, surrounded by predominantly strangers, not a single ‘safe person’ in sight and then I had to put the mum hat on once we got home!

But 2 days feels excessive and so now of course I’m worrying that it’s always going to be like this so I won’t be able to manage so what then?!?

[Guest_7403]

You'll find a way, mums always do. Stay strong/determined...you can do it

Take care

[LesDave]

It's great to see you are self aware to realise the issues. And it seems like you are analysing and looking for solutions. My advice is continue to do that, as if you were a separate person providing counsel to yourself. You have already alluded to the fact you noticed isolation on your part, and you know that can't stay like that. I suggest you use each new work day as a way of trying to engage and get out of the house. At the end of each day look back on what went right and wrong, and use it as a way of getting better at dumping the isolation thing. The next is the fear of strangers you seem to have. None of us will beat our fears unless we face them. Most of us are selfish, and don't mean to actually hurt you. We are simply caught up in our own little world. Use your time with others to try and find some energy you get from connecting. Don't hate people. Learn to love them and accept all their flaws and your own. Just try to make each day a bit better by 'improving' your skills to connect. The meds and staying in bed and hiding from the world are just bandaids. You will never find a way to recovery by not facing the issues and trying to push through them.

[White_Rose]

Dear MrsO

Welcome to the forum. This is a safe place to talk about your worries and problems. It is also a very supportive place. So write here as often as you need. We are always here though not always immediately accessible.

I remember the effort I needed to care for my babies. My first two girls were born 12 months apart so you can imagine how much work they entailed. It can be absolutely exhausting. A bit like depression in that the cause is not always obvious. Of course people know you have children but not until we have our babies do we realise the effort involved.

I am so sorry to learn of your loss. Moms are such a huge and special part of our lives even when we have grown up and have families of our own. I still mourn the death of my mom although it was 20 years ago. Not with the huge pain it used to be but with sadness and regret at times.

You said being at home did not agree with your depression and you wanted to return to work earlier than anticipated. Can you remember how much it helped being at work? I think it will still be a help to you in managing your depression. Physical tiredness is different. I had months off work when I had post viral fatigue. Sorry to talk about myself but sometimes it helps to know others have been in a similar place to you. I was so tired I slept all night and still needed several hours sleep during the day. My energy levels during the day were basically zero and doing anything seemed like the end of the world.

Some suggestions for you. Make sure you eat well. I have found my energy and general well=being are so much better when I have a reasonable diet. It is usually tiredness which results in poor eating both in the amount we eat and in the meals we prepare. It is so easy to have something quick that fills us up but does little for us.

Exercise is another area we tend to skimp on. Teachers tend to stand a great deal during the day or walk a few steps. This is not exercise. A walk before or after school (or both) is refreshing though I know how hard it is to get out of the house and the thought of exercise seems horrendous. It does our bodies good releasing helpful hormones and giving you the lift you need. Put baby in his stroller and take him for a walk after school. Good for both of you.

Lastly, have a chat to your GP just to check out any underlying cause though I suspect you are pretty healthy and need some 'polishing' only. Love to hear how you are getting on.

Mary