Toxic Environments

RinRin · ‎16-04-2019

Hi, my whole life I've always been dealt with a raw deal here and there and I've always managed to brush it off and move on with my life. Since my early 30's however, it has not been possible to move past any emotional hurdle. I was in a high-stress job which gave me such severe anxiety I ended up in the ER unable to breathe, and since moving on from there I now live in a home with someone I am very attached to but who doesn't see me back in the same light. Each and every day I'm forced to put on a smile and be supportive of him and his dating life while I hurt so much inside to the point of physical pain in my chest and severe depression.

I guess my question here is, whilst I know I need to remove myself from this toxic environment, I can't do so without hurting him and he will never feel the same way about me as I do about him so talking about it won't solve anything. How can I handle this? I don't know how much more I can take of this severe loneliness and feeling of never being enough for anyone.

I've been single for 7 years and find it hard to connect with anyone who doesn't just want to use me and then leave. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to keep people in my life that want to stay...

CrazyGecko89 · ‎16-04-2019

Hi RinRin. It sounds like you're going through a lot at the moment. As painful as it would be to remove yourself from the situation it's important to put you're wellbeing first and have a chance to heal. The question is will you're friend be there to support you or not.

I can relate to having trouble meeting people as these days as everyone seems to be in a rush so anything that requires long term commitment or no quick scoring is seen as a deterrent.

RinRin · ‎16-04-2019

Thanks CrazyGecko89, I know I need to go, but the fear of being actually alone while feeling this bad scares me. And I know for a fact he won't understand and will only be hurt by me leaving.

I know my depression is simply situational, but I have never before felt so low that I didn't want to be here anymore. It's so hard to keep going.

And you are right, people are so deterred by commitment. People are just so difficult, full stop.

CrazyGecko89 · ‎17-04-2019

Do you have any other friends or family close by that could help out or spend time with.

After a bad break up nearly two years ago the depression and feeling alone was certainly there but it does pass.

As for you're friend if you do part ways be clear and honest as to why you're leaving so there's no confusion.