Ready to admit I need help

[Waffle-]

I've always been depressed. Recently, I've been going through a lot. My depression has become worse as a result.

• I'm sleeping in late everyday
• Very tired, low energy, it's a struggle to do basic chores and take care of myself
• I don't feel joy. Hobbies and things I usually enjoy don't make me feel much at all. And because they take energy, they end up feeling like chores that I don't want to do
• I'm withdrawn and I don't want to see people. I don't want them to see me like this

This has been going on for weeks now. It feels like my body has collapsed. It probably has, as I've recently quit my job and left a very stressful situation.

I know what I'm describing is vague and generic. I can break it down into smaller parts and go into more specific problems later in separate threads. It's not all doom and gloom, just mostly.

But fundamentally, what I'm wondering is this: I need professional help. I intend to do that. But even if I get help, will I ever be able to fix myself?

I've tried therapy in the past. It helped. It might help this time. But I feel so severely depressed this time that I don't know anymore. 

Do I need medication? I've never tried that. It seems unrealistic to expect a pill to magically fix things. But at this point, I'm certain that my brain isn't producing the chemicals it's meant to. It probably hasn't been for a long time. 

I feel pathetic watching days go by and wasting away. I know I should be doing so much more. And there are so many things I want to be doing. I just don't have the willpower for it. 

I want to claw my way out this hole. I haven't given up. But it's tough. I don't think I've ever felt this lost before.

I exercised the past 2 days, breaking a month-long hiatus. And I've done a lot of research on mental health, making vague plans to sort myself out. It's not much, but I'm trying to celebrate the little victories I do have.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Waffle-
 
Welcome to the forums and to this kind and supportive community and thank you for showing such courage in posting and sharing that experience.
 
It sounds like you have managed these feelings for an awful long time however commend you for the effort you have made in trying to improve your mental health, such as engaging in therapy, researching, trying new activities and reaching out to the community this evening; you will find that this is a lovely community and one in which you will receive understanding, helpful advice and above all a friendly ear to listen.
 
It makes sense that you don’t wish to see anyone when you are feeling tired, or don’t have the energy or ability to enjoy the simple things in life.  We will always encourage you to speak to your GP as a first step and as you mentioned you are intending to do this.  In the meantime, as you wait for a response here on your thread, there are several resources below around managing depression, isolation and self-care that you might find helpful:
 

• Depression; The Facts Click Here

 

• A mobile app you can download for your phone on managing depression Click Here

 

• To help during times of isolation and loneliness Click Here

 

• And lastly, a great resource so some self-care planning Click Here

 
Waffle, if you ever need to talk or chat, we are always here for you, you can contact our trained counsellors on 1300 22 4636 or via WebChat whenever you wish, they are available 24/7 and it's all confidential.
 
Please take some time Waffle- to reflect on your past efforts, the strength it has taken to come this far and the resilience you hold because of that.  Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.
 
 
Regards
 
 
Sophie M

[Petal22]

Hi Waffle,

Im really sorry you are feeling this I understand that it's really hard but you WILL get through this.

I think it's fantastic that you are going to get professional help, will it fix you? 

In my experience it will put you on your path towards recovery, you really CAN recover from what you are experiencing. 

Needing medication is something you can discuss with your gp they are best to advise if you will need this after they have been able to have a chat to you.

I believe medication and therapy go hand in hand.

You aren't pathetic it's not your fault that you are feeling this way, once you receive the help you need you will begin to claw your way out of that hole, and you WILL be FREE of it!

Im so glad to hear you haven't given up because it's that resilience and hope that will keep you going.

Well done for doing the exercise you have done that's great, keep celebrating the victories you have.

I understand how tough it feels to be in that hole but please believe me when I say that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I have a lived experience of severe anxiety OCD while I was in the grips of this condition I felt as though I was living in an internal hell and I wouldn't have wished what I was going through upon anyone.

BUT after receiving professional help and putting in some hard work on my behalf through therapy I am recovered and have been for many years.

I really don't know where I'd be without professional help, I'm living in the LIGHT and so can YOU.

I know our conditions are different but please hold onto HOPE that you too can come through the tunnel.

We are a very kind supportive community please reach out to us anytime or ask us any questions.

[ecomama]

Hey Waffle, welcome to the forums. 

It's great that you recognise the impact depression / depressive thoughts are having on your life atm. 

Yes for sure, there's hope! 

I'd recommend the next step (besides joining the forums of course!) is talking with your GP. This doesn't mean I'm telling you to get medication, your GP will advise you about this. They can also refer you to a therapist via a Mental Health Care Plan. 

I haven't gone the meds route but it helps some, so whatever works! 

Changing your pattern of thoughts is powerful. 
Catching a thought and diverting it is one way, on repeat etc. 

Self care is SUPER helpful. 
Avoiding alcohol. 

It's great you are noting the small gains you're making. These are one step along the journey towards mental HEALTH. Maintaining the steps you make is easier if they are small adjustments. 
Sometimes we need to know which parts need a bump right out of our lives to quell depression. 

Take care and hope to see you around the forums too, 
EM

[Waffle-]

Thank you for the replies.

I feel lousy the day after writing this post. I'm embarrassed to talk about what I'm dealing with.

Sophie: Thank you for the resources. The stuff on depression reinforces what I already suspected.

Petal: That's what I wanted to hear. Thank you. It's hard to imagine moving forward from where I'm at, but I'd like to believe that it's possible for things to change.

EM: What you're describing catching thoughts sounds like CBT. I did that a long time ago and it helped at the time. It's harder to do when you're struggling, which is unfortunately how I've been for a while now.

And to everyone, I'm in the process of booking a psychologist. I've signed up for a MindSpot course as a first step. I'll stick around on these forums and do what I can to cope with what I'm going through.

[Petal22]

That’s ok Waffle.

Please don’t feel embarrassed, you need to talk about what you are dealing with.

This way you will be given the tools you need to reach recovery through support and professional help.

Im glad that I was able to provide you with HOPE, please hold onto it.

That’s fantastic that you are booking a psychologist.

Yes please stick with us on the forums we are here to support you as a community.