Reaching out... I'm lost.

[Efb1234]

Hi,

I really dont know if this is the place or whether this is the right thing to do but I dont know who I can talk to.

Back story - I was diagnosed in 2013 with depression. Went on a mental health plan and seeked counseling with antidepressants over 6 months and felt that I was on the mend and I came off them myself which I know wasn't the right thing to do however, I seemed to have really had my head screwed on. A lot has happened in the time, new relationship, new job, moved to a new area. However just over 12 months ago(3ish years after I stopped antidepressants and counseling), I quit my job with the support of my fiance as I was unhappy, over worked and it was affecting our relationship. I was crying every night, tired, moody and always arguing. I thought leaving work would help change the situation however, I believe it was the beginning of where i am at today... numb. I cant find joy in anything, I struggle to get myself moving, I'm always worried about doing the wrong thing or upsetting someone. I dont keep anyone close or talk to anyone about how I feel. What's worse about this time is I still spoke to my mother and my friends about how I felt, but I cant stand to be that open with them anymore. I feel all over the place and I feel I cant ask for help because I've already done that... and I feel like I wont be taken seriously. I really dont know if anyone else has been in a similar situation or not but it would be nice to hear some advice on what you have done or think I should do.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense.

xx

[quirkywords]

Elb,

welcome to the forum.

You have certainly posted in the right place and well done through the confusion to reach out and write a post.

Your post makes so much sense that many like me will be nodding as we relate to much of what you say. You are not alone.

Of course you can ask for help now. It sometimes takes a while to get the long term help you need. Health professionals will want to make sure you have the most effective treatment for you.

Have you see your gp recently to discuss how you are feeling.?

That would be a good start.

There is the beyondblue support service that offers support

advice action on 1300 22 4636

Elb thank so much for sharing and writing your first post. This is a caring and supportive community.

Quirky

[Tgirll]

Hello Efb,

Firstly I want to say welcome to BB and you have certainly done the right thing by posting on here and reaching out for help and for someone to talk to. That first step can always be a little scary but You've done it, you're brave well done 🙂

Wow it sounds like you went through a lot of changes! Sometimes changes, especially when big or when there's a lot of them can make it hard to cope. I can relate to your lack of motivation and feeling numb. I had a lot of days where i couldn't even find the motivation or energy to get up from the couch and get a glass of water. The best thing to do i found though is to keep pushing with doing things in your routine. No matter how hard it is. If it is way too difficult, break it down. For example: your goal is to exercise and go to the gym on tuesday and thursdays. What do you if you have a day where you have zero motivation, zero energy and feel absolutely horrible, which unfortuantely is all too common with depression? Break that goal down. If you cant go to the gym, get out of the house and go for a jog, a brisk walk or whatever even if you can just manage a 5minute walk. Push yourself as hard as it can be to do a small part of that goal. Sometimes you'll find once you get going that it becomes easier to do the task. I have definitely found exercise to be helpful with both depression and anxiety. It won't help straight away but you will start slowly noticing a difference. Good sleep and a well balanced diet with vitamins also really helps. Your body generally uses up a certain amount of vitamins such as B complex, magnesium, tyrosine amino etc. All these are generally used for energy production and mood regulation. Speak to your GP as some can interact with medications.

I also just want to let you know that there are people out there who will take you seriously. Whether it's family, friends or a health practitioner. It's important to keep reaching out for help from as many different sources as you can. I understand that this can be real difficult. I didn't want to engage with anyone or anything. I had to keep forcing myself. I'm glad I did. I think going back to your GP and seeing a psychologist will be beneficial for you. Especially because it had helped in the past so That's fantastic to know! Maybe even discuss the possibility of medication again. Regardless, I think seeing your GP will be a good step. It can get better again 🙂 keep posting on here.

Kind thoughts

[Allan533]

Just because you had help before doesn't mean you can't have help now, or shouldn't seek it. Think of it this way: a couple of years ago, you break your leg. You go to the hospital, they put a cast on it, etc, it heals. All good. Then you break your leg again. Should you not go to the hospital again? Of course not, that'd be silly. It's the same thing with our mental health. If an issue flares up to the extent that you need help - and it sounds like you agree that you need help - then you should get that help. Past help received isn't relevant to current needs. Particularly since from what you say therapy etc was beneficial for you before. Believe me, I know how hard it is to reach out and find the help you need, jumping through the bureaucratic hoops on top of feeling terrible etc.It's a uniquely horrible experience. But that's the path to getting better.

And as Quirky says, you can always post on here. The community is great, and always supportive. I know it's not the same as having someone physically there, but it really does help.

[Efb1234]

Hi Quirky,

Thank you for taking the time to read and reply.

I haven't been to a gp recently. I'm not even sure how I would start off the appointment. I feel like it's wrong for me to feel this way because there had been no exact cause or event that's made this happen...

My fiance said today I should see a go because he is unsure how he can help me but I cant find it in me to go. I feel like being depressed or unhappy in my life is a representation of him and I dont want him to feel like he is the reason I am this way when all he has been is helpful and supportive.

I think I will call and make an appointment this week and go from there. I guess that is the first step and tell them exactly what I am saying here.

[Efb1234]

Hi Tgirll

Thank you for taking the time to reply and make me realise I am not alone.

My current routine involves gym 6 out of 7 days, I am on a lite and easy diet which I have been doing this since February because I know that exercise can help release healthy and happy endorphins and routine can help keep everything in order but all ot a sudden that's all become really hard. Which is what has made me feel I've made another bad turn in my mind.

But I believe the next step for me is to see the gp. Just by getting some of this out and hearing from you all has made me realise that it's okay to need help... even if you've had it before.

Thank you for sharing your ideas and experiences with me. I appreciate it a lot.

[Efb1234]

Thank you Allan533 - I can see what an supportive and caring forum this is at BB already and that is great!

It does make sense that if your broke your leg you would go back to have it fixed again, I think its realizing that my mind is something that can also break and needs to be fixed/mended.

Thank you once again for sharing your thoughts and advice.

[Tgirll]

Hi eb

I'm glad that my message helped and I'm glad you know that you aren't alone and that it's ok to ask for help whenever you need it. That's fantastic that you do that much exercise well done you're so strong to keep to that much exercise and that routine 🙂

As much as it sucks, sometimes we go through stages where we struggle and keeping to routine. It sucks but it's ok. It happens to all of us. Remember to give yourself grace. Keep at it and it will get easier.

Yes going to your GP is a great option. A lot of the times it helps a lot to write about things and talk about things. I am fairly new to BB but I think it's an amazing resource and I'll certainly keep using it 🙂

Best of luck. Keep us updated or vent what you need to when you feel like