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Rain, rain go away
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hi guys,
I have spent a lot of time on line today as I having a bad one. it is raining and I always find the rain makes me worse.
I have been reading lots of your posts and have responded to some when I think I have something to offer.
The truth is I need some help. I need to know is there anyone out there that shares my problem. I continue to self medicate despite being admitted to hospital several times for detox, and then finally getting off my opiates after an infusion in August.
I know the dangers, I know I am not fooling myself with my reasons, most of which I don't get anyway. I told my psych I wanted to get off and although he knows everything about me he still says my drug use isn't the main problem , my depression is. He says the dosage of my meds isn't too high and he would rather I stay on AD and I can ween off my anxiety meds if I want.
The thing is I don't know if I really want to . I say I do but I'm pretty quick to reach for a pill if I'm in pain, feeling down or as is today it is raining! What the ???
I can't help feeling that the meds give me some level of control. I feel less anxious and usually very calm and out of it. I know I will never get my life back on track until I can give up these drugs but I am really struggling. I keep as busy as I can doing various things, but I know I am again addicted and I am really scared I will have to go back into hospital.
My husband would be devastated if this happened. I am only slowly regaining his trust after the last admission.
Is there anyone going through this? Please let me know
Stressless