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Psychotherapist or Psychologist?
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04-12-2013
05:40 PM
Hi all,
I'm having some issues (clearly otherwise I'd not be here) and I'm sort of stuck on a merry go round at the moment and am hoping some thoughts or advice here might help.
My story, and I'm sorry for the long post, I'll try to be as relevant and brief as I can.
I'm an ex Police officer, served for 12.5 years and I left the job 3 years ago. I'm married with two teenage children. My wife suffered PND after the birth of our second child, she only worked through that about 5 years ago (roughly 5 years on and off depression).
My own problems became obvious about 2.5 years ago but my wife says Policing changed me drastically from the man she fell in love with long before that. My marriage has deteriorated to the point where it is little more than sharing a house with someone I know.
There has been no intimacy of any kind (this includes holding hands or lying together watching a movie) for nearly a year, and things were on a steady slide for about the last 5 years.
Things went bad so gradually that it's only now that I stop and look I realise that it may be too late to save. My wife claims to love me, yet we have no physical contact of any kind, and she is continually surprised that I have no self confidence, doesn't seem to understand my self image is rooted in her treatment of me...anyway that is a whole separate side issue.
About 6 months after I left the Police I suffered a breakdown. My wife found me standing in the kitchen (the kids in the next room watching tv) just crying, I felt dead and completely detached from her, my life, from everything.
I have some unresolved issues from my days with the Police, and after seeing a GP then Psychologist was diagnosed depressed, thought to be PTSD. I thought this was something that soldiers got, but the Psychologist pointed out that the things I was forced to deal with and see while Policing and the day to day stresses can have a cumulative effect, especially if I'm bottling them up and not dealing.
I saw the Psych for about 12 - 14 months I think, then I ended up stopping. I mainly stopped because it was just me going to her office and talking, she didn't seem to offer any real suggestions or insights that I hadn't put forward myself. Maybe that's what's meant to happen I don't know, but while I felt better talking to someone, it ultimately didn't feel like I was moving forward.
My life at home/work was fairly normal after this period, but still not moving forward and things with my wife slowly deteriorated again. We have a routine where we will fight, ignore each other for 2-3 days, then slowly we will start to be civil to each other then just at the point where we might be able to have a normal conversation we fight and the cycle starts again. Roughly once a month or so. This has been the pattern for quite a few years, at least 4.
Right now I'm depressed again, I know I am and I know that I need help again. Which brings me to my question I guess. I saw a psychologist before and while talking did help I feel it was ultimately too passive.
I met a Psychotherapist through work last year and she was completely the opposite, she seemed very intuitive and I felt her style of counselling would gel very well with me, I tend to respond much better to someone who can offer insight and be more active in engaging me.
I do have some concerns though as this counsellor is talking about EFT and NLP as forms of treatment, and a quick google around on the net shows that both those treatments are largely discredited by the medical fraternity. While I'm willing to ignore that based on a good connection with the therapist, I don't want to throw away large amounts of money if the treatment has no chance of success.
The other bad thing is that she can't register as her therapy is not recognised as medical, hence no medicare or health fund rebates, which makes it very expensive.
Does anyone have experience with these types of therapy or Existential based treatements? I'd be very interested in other peoples experiences. Thanks for reading this far, so sorry for such a long post.
I'm having some issues (clearly otherwise I'd not be here) and I'm sort of stuck on a merry go round at the moment and am hoping some thoughts or advice here might help.
My story, and I'm sorry for the long post, I'll try to be as relevant and brief as I can.
I'm an ex Police officer, served for 12.5 years and I left the job 3 years ago. I'm married with two teenage children. My wife suffered PND after the birth of our second child, she only worked through that about 5 years ago (roughly 5 years on and off depression).
My own problems became obvious about 2.5 years ago but my wife says Policing changed me drastically from the man she fell in love with long before that. My marriage has deteriorated to the point where it is little more than sharing a house with someone I know.
There has been no intimacy of any kind (this includes holding hands or lying together watching a movie) for nearly a year, and things were on a steady slide for about the last 5 years.
Things went bad so gradually that it's only now that I stop and look I realise that it may be too late to save. My wife claims to love me, yet we have no physical contact of any kind, and she is continually surprised that I have no self confidence, doesn't seem to understand my self image is rooted in her treatment of me...anyway that is a whole separate side issue.
About 6 months after I left the Police I suffered a breakdown. My wife found me standing in the kitchen (the kids in the next room watching tv) just crying, I felt dead and completely detached from her, my life, from everything.
I have some unresolved issues from my days with the Police, and after seeing a GP then Psychologist was diagnosed depressed, thought to be PTSD. I thought this was something that soldiers got, but the Psychologist pointed out that the things I was forced to deal with and see while Policing and the day to day stresses can have a cumulative effect, especially if I'm bottling them up and not dealing.
I saw the Psych for about 12 - 14 months I think, then I ended up stopping. I mainly stopped because it was just me going to her office and talking, she didn't seem to offer any real suggestions or insights that I hadn't put forward myself. Maybe that's what's meant to happen I don't know, but while I felt better talking to someone, it ultimately didn't feel like I was moving forward.
My life at home/work was fairly normal after this period, but still not moving forward and things with my wife slowly deteriorated again. We have a routine where we will fight, ignore each other for 2-3 days, then slowly we will start to be civil to each other then just at the point where we might be able to have a normal conversation we fight and the cycle starts again. Roughly once a month or so. This has been the pattern for quite a few years, at least 4.
Right now I'm depressed again, I know I am and I know that I need help again. Which brings me to my question I guess. I saw a psychologist before and while talking did help I feel it was ultimately too passive.
I met a Psychotherapist through work last year and she was completely the opposite, she seemed very intuitive and I felt her style of counselling would gel very well with me, I tend to respond much better to someone who can offer insight and be more active in engaging me.
I do have some concerns though as this counsellor is talking about EFT and NLP as forms of treatment, and a quick google around on the net shows that both those treatments are largely discredited by the medical fraternity. While I'm willing to ignore that based on a good connection with the therapist, I don't want to throw away large amounts of money if the treatment has no chance of success.
The other bad thing is that she can't register as her therapy is not recognised as medical, hence no medicare or health fund rebates, which makes it very expensive.
Does anyone have experience with these types of therapy or Existential based treatements? I'd be very interested in other peoples experiences. Thanks for reading this far, so sorry for such a long post.
3 Replies 3
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04-12-2013
07:40 PM
HI Luke
Sorry to hear you got so much on your plate.I am no expert but can only speak from my own experience to help you with your decison:I am diagnosed with MDD and GAD. I am not diagnosed with PTSD but i might suffer that too since i got abused and knocked off my feed in public.Anyway what I want to say is: I went to psych's for years and also didn,t feel i was going anywhere ( psychologists, councillors and psychotherapsists) I only 'woke up' and got better after i started meds. Are you on meds? sorry you might have written it and i didnt see, i appologise if i missed it. I realise now that the therapy couldn't work because my emotions were too strong , too intense and i couldt reflct and work through my issues. Now with the meds i CAN do that because my emotions are not constantly stopping me to look at the past. Before I tried but always fell into a heap and crumbled.So maybe the type of therapy is not so important , just to get your emotions in check and then find someone. I never payed for psych therapy more than 15 bucks since i was so broke. but centacare offers counceling which was very helpful and affordable. Since im a victim of sexual abuse i also went to a sexual abuse councilour which is funded from qld gov and was for free. maybe there are similar services for your PTSD?Good luck and please let us know how u go. Its always good to get feedback how people go and how they feel. You are not alone! This psycho journey is so difficult and draining !!beetle
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05-12-2013
06:27 AM
Hi Luke both of my brothers have been in the police force for 25 years plus so yes i understand the stresses and committments with this job and all the pressures of having to deal with daily situations. Look i have suffered with depression for 23 yrs and my marriage everything collapsed in a hit. I would suggest seeing a psych , a gp as you may need some mediacation and then seeing a marriage couselling with your wife as these are all the steps i took with my husband. Our marriage was fixable after a 2yr separation and i feel we are back on board with things . Medicare does cover some of the costs with these things and if you have private health cover as well. Please get onto these things asap if you can I know its very hard and tiring i have walked in your shoes but it is fixable just get the professional help. Goodluck and let us know how you go. Take care.
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05-12-2013
07:51 PM
I'm not overly keen on taking meds, my wife took an SSRI for a while and I saw what that did, actually caused more harm than good. I don't even like to take pain killers for a headache so the thought of heavy mood altering medication scares the living daylights out of me.
I feel like a bit of a fraud coming here after reading some of the other posts, I'm largely functioning normally in every aspect of my life, and no one other than my wife is aware of what is happening...but I can't help but feel that it could be a slippery slope if I don't do something about it, things could get so much worse so quickly and I don't want that to happen. Has anyone had personal experience with Existential therapy? EFT or NLP?
I feel like a bit of a fraud coming here after reading some of the other posts, I'm largely functioning normally in every aspect of my life, and no one other than my wife is aware of what is happening...but I can't help but feel that it could be a slippery slope if I don't do something about it, things could get so much worse so quickly and I don't want that to happen. Has anyone had personal experience with Existential therapy? EFT or NLP?
