Post Partum Blues

[Rainbow1234]

I had a baby 12 weeks ago and it has been such an emotional roller coaster. The first few weeks when i got home from the hospital I was crying multiple times a day, sometimes for no reason and other times because the baby was always crying. I have gotten better with managing my new life but I still find myself crying from time to time, missing my old life and finding time to myself. When I do, I feel anxious about my baby and I also don’t find pleasure in the things I used to do before. I don’t feel as organised as I once was, I feel lonely, I am always exhausted and I miss having productive days (work wise). Sometimes I just want to switch off but I just can’t and I often feel trapped or in a rut. My partner has been amazing through it all and is hands on but I try not to load him with too much as he works full time. I love my baby very much but still can’t fully adjust to the lifestyle change, I knew it was coming but thought I’d adapt better but that hasn’t happened. I am not sure what to do really- any tips or similar experiences?

[WishyBee]

Hi Rainbow1234,

This is the reality for most new mums and it certainly was for me. 12 weeks postpartum is a difficult time. There is an enormous amount of work and pressure on mums during this time. 

[WishyBee]

I accidentally hit reply before I finished my post 🤭

There is support out there for parents, try your local baby health clinic, Tresillian is  excellent  and as much about your health as your baby’s. 
https://www.tresillian.org.au/

Tresillian also have a helpline -  I have called many times when my children were babies.

Your local hospital might also have information on mothers groups nearby.

It’s ok to have all those feelings, it’s normal to feel super overwhelmed, it’s totally okay and healthy to take a break from your baby (take all the breaks you can it enables you to be a better mum ), don’t worry about being productive or organised it’s not important at this stage. 
Congratulations for doing the hardest job in the world for 12 weeks! You’re doing great!
I’m more than happy to reply again if you need some more support or encouragement.

Take extra care of yourself.

WishyBee

[therising]

Hi Rainbow1234

I feel for you so incredibly deeply as you face such an intensely challenging time in your life. I imagine you're doing a far better job than what you may be giving yourself credit for.  

While post natal depression is quite often put down to 'hormonal changes', this concept really triggers me😡. For me personally, it involved so so sooooo much more than that. For a start, there's a really good reason as to why sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture in some parts of the world. It not only messes with the mind of a person, it also messes with the body's important chemical processes. Serious sleep deprivation can be torturous and deeply depressing (mentally and physically). While the 'Breast is best' campaign was designed to encourage mothers to breast feed, the amount of damage this mantra has done to some mums is shameful. For mums who struggle to breast feed, it implies 'You're not doing what's best'. Truth be told, what's best is a baby receiving nutritious feeds while gaining a healthy amount of weight. Plenty of good formulas around these days that mean mums can bond with their babies in plenty of other ways. Also, it means someone can bottle feed the baby while a mum gets a whole 6 hours of straight sleep. Yay!🤗  It also means a hungry baby isn't left crying through hunger. Not hearing our baby cry is a form of relief. And when it comes to well meaning people, my goodness they can become highly triggering and depressing after a while. Some of the triggering comments, 'You just need to try harder', 'You must be doing something wrong', 'I never had a problem with that', 'You'll be okay' and all that kind of stuff. In the response that last piece of advice, we could say 'Hell no, I won't be okay. This motherhood thing is sh&% and I'm completely depressed. What part of that is okay?!'. 'Okay' needs a plan. To simply say 'You'll be okay' is not enough.

To put a slightly different spin on things: Let's say you have a new person come to live with you. This house mate doesn't talk to you, they just cry and scream at you when they need or want something and they have a lot of needs. They demand you stay home and not go out to experience fun and joy, like you used to. They are demanding, unreasonable (you can't reason with them) and they flat out refuse to allow you a healthy amount of sleep, in order to restore your batteries. Do you think you'd struggle living with such a person? Living with such a person can require great strategy. With a lifestyle technically being a style of life, the question becomes 'How can I change my style?'. Looking at sleep style, feeding style, social style (getting a break), co-parenting style and more can change an overall life style.

With co-parenting, if I had my time again it would be very different. Btw, my baby girl is now 21 years old and my baby boy's 19. While my husband was someone who occasionally helped with the basics (seeing he worked full time), if I had my time again I'd teach him to become a confident baby sitter so he'd feel more than happy in encouraging me to redevelop a well balanced life. Let's reassess for a sec, 40 hours is not full time work in life. 24/7 is full time. With 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, there have got to be a healthy number of breaks in there for a full time mum.