Post natal depression and anxiety

[chloelouise23]

I have 2 beautiful children. Girls - 8 months/2 years.

they are the light in my life and I do and will do everything and anything for them.

I have felt like I have experienced post natal depression and anxiety since I had my 8 month old. I was hoping for a vbac to realise she was in distress and did a poo inside me, me and dad both had Covid. I had to get another emergency C-section. Dad went home and I did it all alone and with no support. I don’t know what words to say but since then I have felt really depressed and felt anxiety and just low. I love my daughter but cannot connect to her how I did with my first daughter. I feel like a horrible mum and I feel very low

[smallwolf]

Hello.

I can understand how difficult and challenging it must be to feel you are going through this alone. It takes a lot of courage and strength to share your feelings and experiences. It's understandable that you're feeling low and struggling to connect with your daughter. I know a couple of people in my community that went through similar so I hope you know that (hate the cliche) you are not alone.  It's also OK to seek help and support is a sign of strength, not weakness. It's important to take care of yourself so that you can take care of your beautiful children. Remember, you're doing the best you can and that's all that matters.

[Ms-T]

Sending you lots of love. So tough being a mum, let alone having to go through a traumatic birth. But you also have a two year old - the sleep deprivation must be unreal! Just hope you manage to find some time to self care (and I don’t mean just being able to shower/toilet on your own; go grocery shopping on your own etc). I hope you also have a village to rely on so that you can really rest and look after your physical and mental well being. You can’t be that much of a horrible mum - you’re taking the time to reach out on here! That really speaks for itself! Glad you came to vent.

[geoff]

Hello Chloe, having a sudden C-section would be very traumatic because you are left alone and your greatest supporter had to leave, so undoubtedly it can put you off to a difficult start.

I know my wife was left by herself when our 2nd son was being born, simply because it was the end of the shift for the midwives and we were left all alone in the delivery room, this then began her PND, fortunately her mum was living with us and helped out, as I was trying to run a hotel.

You can't blame yourself for developing this, we are only human and prone to an illness that we wish would never happen.

Deep down you love your daughter, but with any type of depression we aren't able to express our love to anyone, that's part of this illness, but can I assure you, that this will eventually stop, as my wife (ex) shows our sons all the love she can give them.

Take your time, there is no time limit as to how long this will last, so please don't be too harsh on yourself or put too much pressure on what you can and can't do.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Melrose-key]

Hi Chloe, it's my very first time to forums, and your post was the first I came across. I resonate with your story a little too close to my heart. For my first born, I had COVID at the time, didn't even know I was in labour, or fully dilated. My partner couldn't be there at the birth, as he tested positive to covid before leaving the house to take me to hosp, at this time hospitals were strict. So I was alone, and did it without the need of any drugs. However at the time I didnt pay attention to how much I need my daughter's father to be there to watch the magical moment. Every since that day I've felt a resentment to him, and it wasn't even his fault. Despite all of those feelings, I was definitely grateful for the bond we had as she was a newborn, now she is 10months old, I feel like I'm starting to slip... Like I'm not giving her my all. It's hard. So you should be proud you are doing what you can for TWO bubs, I thought me wanting another one would help feel that void and those feelings. But sometimes we just have to address the thoughts we are having, and try to make sense of them. If I've learnt anything from my depression, is that is a chemical imbalance we can't control, nor should we let it define us. Give yourself more credit girl, you will get there over time. Don't be hard on yourself or your 2nd child, you are all learning together how to fit into the family as one. Hope my story wasn't dragged out too much. I wish you all the best!