Partners constant stress is extremely hard to deal with when I already struggle with Bipolar

[GinaS]

Hi All,

Im needing some advice on how to deal with my home life. I was diagnosed with BP in 2006. It has been an extremely rough road finding the right medication balance but i got there . My partner of 7 years has a stressful job and a very demanding 12 yr old son who comes to stay with us every second week. I understand the stresses that my partner faces as we work in the same industry field , however my partner is always extremely stressed and everyday i find myself hiding away as its the worst trigger with my Bipolar. He is a wonderful man , however quite self focused on his own day to day workings. Over all the years i have communicated with him the best i can about Bipolar disorder, given him booklets , website links , taken him to appointments and advised him of triggers etc etc.the last 2 months through a medication adjustment because of getting older and its been extremely difficult with the side effects and just trying to be aware of my behaviour in the household and trying not to affect everyone,,, its been tough! The main issue is , my partner will come home every night and unload a huge amount of venting stress on me from the day he has had at work,, usually by the time hes finished venting he rarely asks me how Im feeling or even how my day was. By the time hes finished,im so exhausted from taking on a days worth of his stress, i will go and sit under a running shower and cry my eyes,out then move around quietly for the rest of the evening walking on egg shells in the hope of not starting up another venting session i have to listen too. Im at the point that i dont want to go home in the evening just so i dont have to drown in his stress another day longer. He is very aware that his stress is one of the biggest triggers as we've discussed it numerous times but it just doesn't change anything. some evenings i will get up and walk away mid conversation as i just cant take the negative venting any longer ,, then he will realise its too much ,, but avoid me like i have the plaque for the rest of the evening. I feel im the one doing the supporting role but when i require the support , its simply not available to me as he virtually has no room left mentally to accommodate my stress or issues and give support. How can i change this toxic routine and get the loving support i need sometimes as the episodes ive had over the last few years have been brought on by his stress

[quirkywords]

Gina,

I welcome you to the forum and well done for starting this thread.

It is hard to write down all your thoughts to express how you are feeling .

Younhave explained very well and I can feel your frustration and tiredness as well as you love and understanding for your partner.

I have lived with a diagnosis of bipolar for over 40 years and have learnt how important self care is and identifying and avoiding triggers are to ones health.

The trouble that can be difficult to achieve at times.

You aware of how stressed your partner is and he knows it affects you.

I am wondering if there is something he can do before coming home that will help him unwind , doing some form of exercise , talking with work mates, really anything that helps him de stress before he sees you. As I don’t know him , none may be suitable but it is just an idea.

Or when he gets home he sits and listen to music etc.?

It is most important for you to keep well.

Has he seen anyone about his stress and discussed how it affects him.?

It is important for you to get support and to practice self care. have you spoke to your doctor or a counsellor?

I knew what it was like to have problems and not be suppported. The thing is you realise you can not keep supporting him if your own health is not being supported.

I realise you have explained how you feel and his behaviour has not changed. Would he consider going to a counsellor with you?

There is a thread on this forum ,this bipolar life which you are welcome to have a look at and ask question and get support. It is a friendly group.

Also would you consider ringing beyond blue support line 1300 22 4636

where a trained counsellor offers support advice action.

Feel free to continue to talk here if you want.

Quirky

[GinaS]

Thanks for your response Quirky.

Yes we have discussed options of how he can de-stress,, whether its walking the dog for an hour or just doing something else before he gets home ,, but this will only last a week or two and then we are right back to square one again. Numerous times i have suggested he go to our GP to see if they can help with stress levels, however this never eventuates.

When he does seem to have the capacity to ask how my day was or how Im feeling , I will now just say "everything is fine",, even though he knows its not , he is happy to accept that answer because its easier and he doesn't have to listen or do anything. The hurtful thing is that he has told me exactly that, he knows i require support but he just doesn't have the capacity to offer it because of the stressful day hes already had.

I do everything myself , from paying all the bills to maintaining the house (we all live at my house, he owns a house but rents it out), so at the moment , i wonder what i am exactly getting out of this relationship.

[quirkywords]

Gina,

Thanks for replying and explaining what you have tried.

You know have to make up your mind what you want and to have a plan that works for you and your family.

I know I got to a point in a relationship where I felt I had worked to hard on my health to jeopardise it any more by caring for and supporting a very heavy drinker in denial. I found my self slipping and losing hard earnt stability. It took me a while to get him to leave as it was my house and It was hard on my own but I was glad I did it and did not wait too long that my health was affected.

I know you are trying to work out what to do.

Can you get some support both practical and emotional.?

You are not alone and feel free to let us know how you are going?

Quirky