Part 2-Crisis Point

[Mares73]

Dear all

Thankyou so much to those who replied to me in my last post-Kate & 'Alone & Scared" thanks for being there at the right time.

Jo-I know your overwhelmed so thank you so much-your also a special friend.

That leaves Geoff & Neil. Geoff-I can't thank you enough for your support, wisdom, insight & advice. I've wanted to say that to you for ages but it was never an appropriate time. You are a core member of BB who consistently welcomes & responds to others. I admire you so much & I thank you for all you do. You are inspirational in your generosity. I would love to kknow how you managed to live with depression/PTSD/anxiety as they are what I seriously struggle with. But I understand that's your personal journey & in no way do I want to intrude.

That leaves me with a reference to Neil-as you mentioned Geoff, he is going through a difficult time & I am guessing there are many other issues he has to deal with that we are unaware of. I was thinking of him this morning & how many people he replies to & offers support-I may be completely wrong-but I do wonder if by filling his time with other people's problems that he then has no time to confront his own issues.

He is brilliant at supporting & advising others, but perhaps it's time to look after his well being first. I have such fondness for him & have left mags for him in his last two posts which I hope he gets. I really wish we could talk on phone or email or something. I know I'll be thinking of Neil all day & it's hard when the forum is a slow place for reading, receiving & posting messages. But yet the forum is brilliant as its probably the most advanced method of communication re mental health.

As for me, the acute team want me to see a Registrar Pyschiatrist at a public hospital tomorrow. Has anyone had any experience with psychs in public hospitals? I'm a bit worried I'm going from the frying pan (my private pysch) to the fire (public mental health system).

I have asked that my private pysch & GP not be informed of the present situation as I want the space to explore options without feeling guilty. The acute team said they will find out if it has to be disclosed.

My husband  has his narrow mind determined that the sole problem is being caused by the use of one medication I started nearly 4 was ago. And has said to me "he is sick & tired of trying to help me as I don't take his advice" -meaning not take the prescribed medication. But whilst I & the acute team agree I need a medication review-they also said that no medication would cause my current state of mind four weeks after I started it. If I was to react this badly it would have happened at the start or early stages ie first week of me taking the medication.

And the acute team were shocked he had left me with kids in this state-when I spoke to him last night to ask him to please read a little bit about depression, his reply was that I could harm myself whether he was here or not so what was the point of taking time off work to come home when I was in this state-he said he couldn't do anything to fix it so he was angry the acute team thought he should be with me at this time.

He barely reacted to the acute team coming (even though he has previously trained in social work) which surprised me as before he left I asked him are there any services that can come to your house? And his reply was that mental health services are so under resourced that acute teams are only for people who are either seriously ill with conditions such as Schitzophenia or people who are seriously ill.

He immediately followed that statement by saying 'there's no way an acute team would ever visit someone like you, you aren't unwell enough". So off he went to NZ telling me I'd be fine & that the only thing he would finally say on the matter was " you know what I think & you've chosen to ignore my advice so there's nothing more I can say or do about the situation"- he was referring to his "advice" to stop the stimulant medication.

I don't know if its just me being negative but it hurt that the only reason he saw for coming home was because of safety issues & he thought harm could occur whether he was here or not. But what stood out to me was that he hadn't considered coming home in terms of providing care, compassion & loving support. He hadn't considered that being with me would be a natural thing to do when your partner is seriously ill. He hadn't thought that being here would provide me with company, support, compassion & make me feel loved & reassured.

I guess it was like a complete lack of emotion in response to my situation & that hurt. He is home tonight (Thursday) & goes back to NZ on Sunday. In some ways given his response to what I'm going through-I am feeling anxious about him coming home for a few days & would now really prefer he didn't. As whilst he is here he will criticise me for not following his advice, he will make comments such as "he is completely over this situation) & he will not talk WITH me, he will talk at me & I get very anxious when he is in that frame of mind & given how fragile I am now, the last thing I need or want is he tring to intervene & overtake things-for example when I go to visit pysch tomorrow I'm sure he will want to tell his opinion.

Oh-update-he just phoned & said why are you going to see a pyschiatrist at the hospital-psychs that work in public health are hopeless. Great support-just what I needed to hear. Things are really hard, I'm just managing to get through each day & now I'm going to have to deal with him. Anxious just thinking about him.

Je is due at 5pm tonight. I will be very anxious. Does anyone have any advice or knowledge or experience of Pyschiatrists on an Acute Mental Health team?

Thanks x Mares x

[JessF]

Wow wow wow. Ok, I think I'll leave the bit about your husband for now because I really don't understand what's going on there...apart from maybe that with him being sick before he actually relies on you more than he ever lets on (such a man thing to do) and can't LET himself think that anything is really wrong with you because that means he'd be left to fend for himself.  

But what I really wanted to reassure you about was the public hospital thing. A few years ago I ended up in hospital after a suicide attempt and was under the care ofan acute team for a while. I was lucky, I found them nothing but attentive and caring BUT I wanted to make sure that my regular doctor and therapist at the time knew everything that was going on so I gave them permission to talk to each other. I think that is something worth you considering, when you're feeling this low and your care is being handled by a number of people the last thing you need is more potential stress and mixups because the left hand doesnt know what the right hand is doing.

I dont know what else to say but try not to listen to your husband right now and just let yourself be helped and held by the people who are really able to do that. 

[Neil_1]

Hi there my pal,

Maresy ... I don't know how you're doing it ... you're providing wonderful messages back to us in response to previous posts and you're doing this whilst under extreme distress.  You're a remarkable person.

I'm glad Jess came to the party re:  the mental health psychs in hospital, as I cannot express anything on that subject.

With regard to your husband, holy .... he's really not making your situation any better at all.  IF he does bang on about 'his advice' about the meds, tell him what the acute care team said;  but then again, you probably have already.  It really does seem like you're banging your head against a brick wall with him;  oh Mares, hey, that's only a saying too, you know!  Don't be doing that ok!!  😉

I'm sorry Mares, but I'm forgetting things ... apart from your husband (and I'm not even sure he is a support mechanism for you by the sound of it), what other people do you have close by for support??  Is there ONE friend who could be called upon to come over and visit you or even stay with you??   I'm sorry for asking, cause I really should remember stuff like this better ... but yeah, is there someone to call upon?

Has there been any other handy things that the acute care team mentioned or did for you?

How are you feeling right now?

ps:  thanx so much for the update.

pss:  will you be ok to get to the appointment tomorrow?   As in it could be quite emotional and exhausting for you;  I guess that's another reason why I asked with a friend could be there for you?

Kind regards Mares, and don't worry about me, I'm doin' ok

Neil

🙂

[Guest_3712]

Hi Mares73,

you are breaking my  heart- I have been where you are and the pain is intense isn't it?

After many years of therapy I am SLOWLY coming to terms with the fact that it is not my fault! and  the fact that my husband blames me  for something I can't help then he's the one with a problem.

Yes we are all different but as we keep finding out on this site iwe are also fundamentally the same

JessF is spot on . You are the one in a critical situation. You have to try and block out the negativity your husband is firing at you. You didn't ask for this disease and given the choice you would much rather not have it.

Currently I am 'in training' with my psych learning ways to stand up for myself.. I am always feeling guilty that everything is my fault, that I shouldn't be taking meds, I shouldn't be wasting money on doctors and I should just get over it! I swear I want to hit him over the head when he says crap like that ( husband not psych)

So you see I know first hand what you are going through. You have to be strong but. Not confrontational. If he doesn't want to hear about your sessions don't tell him.  Can I just share with you a few  reasons your husband may be acting like this

1/  HE IS SCARED-  scared of what has happened to you, what may happen to you and also that he may have to step up and run things. I'm guessing you are the strong one in the family.

2/ HE JUST DOESN'T GET IT - I have said this a million times. if you have never experienced this insidious disease , you have no idea how debilitating it is.

3/ HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THIS IS AN  ILLNESS - like I said above. Most people don't know this is an illness just like cancer, or liver failure- you can't "just get over it" .

Mares dont let your husband make you feel guilty for trying to get help. I did and put off treatment for 3 years, then had a complete breakdown and spent months in and out of hospital.

He is acting like a baby worrying about himself and how inconvenienced he will be if you continue seeking help. I know this sounds harsh and as I said I am still accepting these things slowly myself , and lots of times for the sake of peace I say nothing.

However I can now tell you my husband now listens when I say I am feeling off and does show some interest in  what happens at my sessions- small steps.

please be kind to yourself

I am here if you want to chat -

Regards

Stressless

[Jo3]

Hi Mares

I don't know what to write anymore, i am feeling pretty down but I just came on here and was thinking about you this morning. 

I do hope you're okay.  Everyone on here have written some great replies to you and you have so much support on here.  Because we all care and want you to get better.

So I'm sending you a big warm hug, pls take care,

Jo xx

[Guest_3712]

Hi Mares

I do hope you are ok.

If you feel like it can u let us know how you are going

Take care

Stressless

[Neil_1]

Hi Mares,

Just a quick post to let you know that we are ALL thinking of you.

I hope that you're going "ok".

And whenever it is that you're able to, it'll be great to hear from you.

Kind regards

Neil