Onset of depression...

[AlwaysLonely]

Hi,

Firstly I'd just like to say that my heart goes out to everyone here suffering from depression and other forms of mental illness, I think it's the toughest (although i have not experienced it to any levels that i imagine others suffer with) and hope i can be in a place to help others in this area one day...

I am concerned I may be starting to get depression at the age of fifty. Firstly I'd like to explain that i have been alone/lonely all my life (physically and mentally), I have very few friends, family/relatives, social-circle; I live alone; I've never had a long-term partner and never lived with a partner. So i have led a VERY, VERY lonely existence all my life. My job just makes enough money to keep me alive, gives me no contact with others. In summary:

• I have been alone all my life
• I am always living with the fear of homelessness, due to finances (although i have never faced this yet)
• I have dealt with my reality fairly well and never suffered serious depression before, although i have felt very lonely and sad at times over the years
• I have managed to stay motivated to exercise and live a reasonably healthy (sleep and diet) existence
• I have never been content or happy/joyful beyond the odd lucky moments and most of the time I am just "below average" at best

Lately I have had days that have been much worse than ever before. I have felt a "dark cloud" over everything. I call it a "dark cloud" because no matter what i do I get no joy and have no interest. One exception is physical exercise, that does help for a short period (during and after). I enjoy going to bed at night as I DO still enjoy sleeping and appear to still sleep okay, although i wake with the dark cloud. These dark days started a few weeks ago and i am concerned it is the beginning of depression.

I know all the "home remedies", such as meditation, daily diary, health, joining social groups, taking up hobbies, discussing with a friend, etc. BUT some of these things are either not available to me or simply making no difference.

I feel like i am ranting and to be honest don't even know why i am writing this or what i am looking for or asking...

Either way, take care of yourselves everyone

[white knight]

Hi A.L welcome

Well here there are thousands of threads to read under depression and staying well sections that will help. Also blue voices members and community champions.

Throughout the following if you see a topic google it and read the thread.

Acceptance was my toughest task. To accept I had depression and really I would not be without it for the rest of my life. Sounds bad, it isnt so bad.

Topic: depression a ship on the high seas- beyondblue

Topic: accepting yourself the frog and the scorpion- beyondblue

If you google "famous people with depression" you'd find so many. Churchill, van gogh, Steven Fry and many more. Creative types

Topic: depression, is there any positive?- beyondblue

Fighting depression is unique to you. Take note of when you are improving your mood

Topic: depression and the timing of motivation- beyondblue

Sometimes there are triggers. You might not recognise them.

Topic: depression triggers- beyondblue

I can relate to your quiet budget driven lifestyle. But the best of life is free. I've followed a guide for 30 years. He isnt religious but spiritual. He taught me so many things.

Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue

Maharaji the perfect instrument youtube

I'm concerned about your loneliness. Perhaps seeking a few friends would satisfy your boredom. Looking forward to a friend for dinner is a buzz. And you have tremendous kindness I see in your words. So light sports table tennis, badminton, volleyball, dancing can all be tried.

If you lack confidence there is hope. Its a tough ongoing bumch of rituals you could adopt. But it worked for me. Topic: the best praise you'll ever get- beyondblue

After some time, you'll feel you are getting on top of things especially with your GP's help as depression needs a multi pronged approach.

Topic: clear the road I'm on my way- beyondblue

I hope those threafs help. Glad you are here. You soft heart is valued on this site.

Tony WK

[geoff]

hello AL, and welcome to the site, and you know what can happen is that someone suffering from depression may have a tendency to believe that there are other people who suffer more than they are, but if you suffer from depression that means you are struggling and we can't put anybody on a scale of 1 to 10, it's an illness that is destroying their lives.
People maybe in denial when they say 'felt very lonely and sad at times over the years', because maybe they would hate to think that they were becoming depressed, and I totally agree, it's an awful thought to even think about, but when nothing seems to impress you and you don't want to do something that you once loved to do, it could be the onset of depression.
What happened with me was that everything I loved to do, where I would spend my spare time doing suddenly stopped, it didn't interest me and I couldn't be coached back into doing, my heart was floundering, I was in depression.
Now it's time you made an appointment to see your doctor, and I'm so sorry for how you feel, but I really believe that all of this has been mounting up for a long time, and while you have tried to push it away, now you can't, depression is a powerful tool that will comsume you. Geoff.

[blondguy]

Hi AL

You havent ranted at all and thankyou for posting

I felt like I was reading about myself when I read your thread. It can be a dark and heavy feeling, I hear you.

The guys have great noteworthy advice above re their depression. Ive had this mongrel illness for over two decades but it can be treated so you actually have some peace in your life.

Your doc will get the ball rolling and help you separate these dark clouds (if it is depression)

There are tens of thousands of Australians that suffer from this dreadful condition

you are not alone here in any way AL. Please let us know how you go.

my kind thoughts for you

Paul