Only feel safe at home

[Meowface]

I’ve always been a homebody but have felt my depression and anxiety get worse in recent months. At the moment I really only feel safe and comfortable when I’m at home - I’m very anxious to get home when I’m out and even have left work conferences early in a fluster to get Home. I’m often tired because of my meds but this is really getting in the way of my life - especially being able to stay and focus at work. Any tips for coping with being out??

[Doolhof]

Hi Meowface,

I don't know if we have met before. I am wondering if you have a Dr that is supportive or if you have had any therapy to help with your depression and anxiety.

Do you think something has happened to increase the anxiety that you are feeling?

Does it help you to take a few deep breathes when you start to feel the anxiety rising? Is it possible for you to tell yourself that it is going to be okay, your thoughts are just running away with themselves? Or does it all escalate too quickly for you?

Is there someone at work whom you can share a little bit of this with so they can help encourage you when you start to feel anxious?

Have you spoken with your Dr about the tiredness and that it is becoming a problem? How do you sleep at night? I know I sleep lousy and that doesn't help me. I've tried looking at my sleeping environment and have changed it to help make it more enticing for sleep. Double curtains, a fan for air, turn the clock to the wall so I am not looking at the time during the night and leaving my phone in the kitchen.

Finding a sense of self reassurance that you are going to be oaky could be something you could work on with a therapist or do some reading perhaps on coping strategies.

Wishing you well, from Dools

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Meowface,

I really like Dools’ suggestion to focus on your breathing. Partly because stabilising your breathing can often help to de-escalate/stabilise anxious thoughts (or to a degree at least). I’m glad she responded so thoughtfully.

In terms of additional suggestions. Perhaps if you home is your sanctuary, I wonder if it would be helpful (if possible) to bring small token items of things you associate with “home” to work. For example, if you have a desk job and you’re an avid gardener at home, you could put small indoor pot plants on your desk to try to re-create a small sense of comfort and “connection” to home or even take photos of home and keep them in your wallet/at your desk. It might sound like a silly idea but sometimes visual cues of “association” can be very powerful.

But of course, those are just ideas as everyone is different so they may or may not work for you. I just figured it wouldn’t hurt to share 🙂

Kind thoughts,

Pepper

[Meowface]

Hi Dools and Peppermint. Thank you so much for your helpful replies.

Dools, I don’t think we’ve officially met before but I have seen lots of your posts and appreciate your advice. Nice to meet you. I have recently taken on a new role at work which is more stressful so there is a change there that I trying to cope with. I tend to nap early evening then struggle to sleep well at night. I have avoided talking to my dr because am very happy with medication other than the drowsiness issue and am scared to change.

I have a psychologist - the same for many years but don’t feel like I can talk to her about these things anymore. We’ve done very deep therapy years ago so when I see her very ad-hoc now she likes to just get an update and always tells me my feelings are “normal and I’ve come along way”. Maybe our time has expired.

I tried a local counsellor but felt like I was hearing more about her life than mine! He he. So trying to build more self resilience and I really like your tip about reassuring myself and focusing on breathing.

peppermint thank you. I love your idea about having something with me to remind me of Home - that has given me a little task to organise tonight. I will put something on my desk and have something in my handbag. Thanks again xx

[Doolhof]

Hi Meowface,

It is lovely chatting with you as well. Just had a thought regarding your medication, occasionally my Dr has changed the time of day that I actually take my medication and that has helped with my sleeping patterns and tiredness. It may be worth asking that question.

Is it possible for you to find a new psychologist iof you decide that is the way to go? Or could you write down issues you want to discuss and get her back on topic when she strays. Not always an easy thing to do, but worth it if it works.

I saw a mental health nurse who spent all of one session telling me all about her husband and their sexual issues! At the end of it I was going to give her a bill as I felt like I had been her counsellor for the day! Ha. Ha.

Are there people at work who can help and advise you with your new role? Do people there help you if you have questions to ask?

Have you managed to find something from home to take in your handbag and to place at work?

Hope you are doing a little better!

Cheers from Dools

[Meowface]

Thanks Doolhof - I have visited my doctor and mentioned the sleepiness and funnily enough he also recommended I switch to taking it at night and that has helped massively! Mentally I thought oh no it won't work because I need it during the day (clearly not medically minded ha ha) but that numbing tiredness isn't as bad.

I've made some other changes - I've moved my starting time at work back an hour and have asked for more flexibility to work from home sometimes. Wow this has made a massive difference - I still feel guilt from work colleagues because I'm sure they're suss but I just HAVE to start putting myself first specially now I'm taking the meds at night I feel a little groggier in the mornings but if I have time to relax with a cup of tea in my dressing gown rather than rushing out the door I feel less anxious.

I also cleared out my handbag to get rid of half the rubbish that was in there!! So it's a lot tider and I've popped in a little bottle of uplifting essential oil blend which I use at home which is so lovely to smell when I'm feeling stressed at work. And taken your advice with the breathing - my favourite technique at the moment is breathing in for 4 out for 4.

Support at work is a bit harder because everyone is so stretched these days but I have a new manager who is a very calm experienced person so I think he will be someone that I could genuinely ask for help so that is positive.

Thanks for checking in so appreciated. Hope you are doing well also xx