Not coping very well

[LKS]

Hi,

I have had depression, anxiety and low self-esteem for over 20 years.  I left high school unable to cope with study, due to bullying (racism) from students and parental pressure (no uni = failure).  Breakdown number 1.

After returning to TAFE to complete my VCE and TAFE qualifications, I found a job and worked there for many years.  When the management changed, the work environment became more stressful and eventually toxic.  I resigned after my second supervisor was sacked, and the replacement was someone I could not work with (trust).  Breakdown number 2.

When I returned to the workforce, it was in a different role in a much better environment and I stayed for many years.  Unfortunately, due to funding cuts, a number of staff were made redundant at the end of last year.  Being made redundant has sent me into another tailspin.  Breakdown number 3.

Since then, my co-workers have found new employment. I have not found another job yet.  My self-confidence is very low and I do not have much of a support network.  This has left me feeling very isolated and alone.  My anxiety levels are high and I am struggling to eat and sleep.

My GP has me on medication for depression and anxiety.  I know that this will pass and things will get better.  It just does not feel like it right now.

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear LKS,

Was the redundancy the worst tailspin/breakdown ?   Reinforcing all the other times things went downhill ?   Like a huge echo or other disappointments ?  A kind of inevitable vortex of destruction ?  Another "not again" moment ?

If it is then you are in the right place for possible counselling and I'm a bit surprised your medicating GP hasn't suggested some talking therapy.   There is access to free therapy like this if your GP fills out a Mental Health Plan.   You still have to turn up though - don't just get the counselling "plan" and sit on the fence.

You've been fortunate to have been able to work for many years so why not consider more employment in the long run ?   There are so many skills you could learn to cope better, spot anxiety triggers, talk things through more, realise that racism and bosses you don't get on with are pretty much still part of society even in the 21st century,etc.    

You sound very practical.  I've had a few medical retirements due to bipolar and it never ever felt right afterwards, like I was "robbed" of my employment ability.   If you look at a city like Detroit it's the same thing.  Booming car industry one time and now desolation, urban guerilla living, landscapes busted and building overgrown on what once were thriving suburbs feedig the car manufacturing plants and something like 2 million made redundant over the last few decades.

You may be in decline but at least you're aware of it.  And what goes down must surely come up, at least that's what happens when I make toast.  Lol.

Adios, David.

[Bec_Tompkins]

Hey LKS,
Your last statement is fantastic progress. You know it's going to get better. That hope needs to stay with you. Don't let that go.
Things will get better if you take tiny little baby steps. That's all you need to do. Make small goals for yourself, give yourself reason to stick around. Volunteer somewhere, feed animals, donate to charity, plant a tree! Doing these types of things will make you feel as though you're making differences and that's a wonderful feeling. 
I'm sorry to hear about your experiences with working. My Father has been through something very similar and giving up seemed like the right thing to do.
Don't make a huge goal and say you are going to be employed TOMORROW. Say you're going to... clean the kitchen, spotless!
Live life by the hour. 
Don't compare yourself to others as you were born you!
Stay strong.
Take care of you. - Bec

[LKS]

Hi David,

My first job resulted in the worst breakdown, I was devastated.  I had worked there for more than 10 years.  After a board & management change things like honesty, loyalty and hard work did not count as much as knowing/schmoozing the new boss.  I could not work with (respect/trust) my new supervisor, knowing that they had engineered the removal of both predecessors, because they wanted that position.

During this time I also moved out and away from my parents.  Years of 'improvement advice' (too short/fat/ugly/skinny/useless) and finally threats forced me to leave. This did not stop them from staking out my new place, waiting on the doorstep or peering in the windows regularly.  I was often too scared to leave the house or be near a window.  It took me a year to recover and return to the workforce.

My second job lasted more than 5 years.  It was at a lower level, less stressful and I enjoyed it.  Until a board & management change.  Staff were appointed for knowing/schmoozing the boss.  It was a "not again" moment and brought back all the negative memories/feelings when I was made redundant.

I would really like to get back into the workforce, it would give me a purpose (and an income).  However, I lack confidence in myself.  I look at job ads and feel inadequate and become more even anxious & depressed.

It has been really bad few weeks for me and hope it improves soon.

I have a MHCP with my GP and had been seeing a psychologist.  There are a limited number of subsidised sessions available.  I also tried hypnotherapy twice, but could not relax around the therapist.  I was saving the last few sessions for later but have made another appointment.

Thanks.

[LKS]

Hi Bec,

Thanks for replying.  I saw my GP last week and the increased tranqualisers are helping reduce my anxiety levels to a more manageable level.  I don't feel like I'm losing my mind.

I am trying to find some volunteer work, close to home.  Would really like to find a job though, it is hard when you have very little self confidence left.

My pets are the reason I keep going, I live alone and know they depend on me.

The anxiety in okay but the depression and low self esteem are still there.

Thanks.

[vip]

Hi LKS Bec had some great ideas there yes volunteer work is great i do lots of it it helps build back your confidence and can open the doors to future employment. Try nursing homes hospitals ect. In the mean time take your dogs for lots of walks on the beach exercise heaps to keep the depression and anxiety at bay. Its not the be all end all if you cant find work just yet and dont compare yourself with your work colleagues be your own person and give yourself credit for asking for help . I too am a depression sufferer actually have had it for 22 years its not something that will go away over night but it will settle down eventually just takes time. You will find your self esteem will improve greatly when you get into a bit of vounteer work it has really helped for me . Take care

[Terracan8]

Hey LKS

Things will get better. It takes time and patience.

This may not sound great but this is a growth period for you.

I am involved with Men's groups and Men's work here in WA. This has been very helpful for me in learning how to be a mature adult, at peace with myself.

It all sounds easy but it is difficult to look at these things. That is why a Men's group is great as you hear other people's stories. Steve Biddulph who wrote "The New Manhood" is a great advocate of Men's groups.

Therapy and working with your GP are also vital. Just remember there is a lot of help out there. We just need to be man enough to access it. I have been involved in Men's groups for 3 years now and only just starting to get involved more heavily in supporting this area.

http://www.choose-again.com/home/

Cheers

Shaun.

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear LKS,

I'm guessing you are not a spritely 18 yr old but more an experienced 40 - 50 yr old so job options change with your gender/age.   Maybe you could try something very simple like copy the Newstart stuff.  They often require a job seeker to list 10 jobs in the fortnight (which I guess they modern internet postings would be OK to avoid tedious meetings and appts at the Centrelink office).  So, that's it - try and go for 1 job Mon - Fri.  

Actually, when things are down, even this would be an effort.

Adios, David.

[LKS]

Hi Nes,

Will be starting as a volunteer one morning a week from next week.  Have also tried looking for other positions (volunteer and paid work).  I'm looking for admin work, but there is not much close to me.  Previously I have volunteered with Oxfam (admin) and the RSPCA (animal carer).

I have contacted Centrelink for assistance, as I have been living off my savings since January.  Not comparing myself to others is something I struggle with (my parents would do this constantly) so it has become habit for me too.

Fortunately, the increased medication from my GP has brought my anxiety level down, so I am not afraid to go outside my home.

By the way I only have (indoor) cats and they don't like to be walked.  I have been visiting my sister and walking their dog a few times a week.  We are not near the beach.

Thanks.

[vip]

Hi LKS well done for setting yourself all the goals one day at a time here you will find something will come out of this for you meaning job opportunities,I understand that comparing because this was something i always used to do until i found out those people i was comparing against had just as much problems as myself they just didnt speak about it like me or yourself do. Goodluck