No one seems to understand

[Xavsyd80]

I've known about my depression for years and have suffered on and off since I was 16ish. I am in a relationship and have friends but now I feel no one understands how I feel and they are against me and  I am pushing people away. Constantly in my head about what people are doing what they are saying and how that affects me. My girlfriend although I've spoken to her about this I fear deep down she doesn't understand and will eventually have enough and get rid. I can't seem to keep a job and the longer my unemployment runs the more anxiety I feel about being in an office environment and waking up for work every morning and being a fully functioning member of society. I'm seeing a therapist for the last few months twice a month but I don't feel it's making me feel better at all and I'm worried that it's a waste of time and that there has to be another solution out there to help me feel better. Does this sound familiar to anyone? I know the writing is scatty but I hope it makes sense. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome here

This is a common theme. I often here tell people that 80% of people don't understand mental illness, 10% try but cant, 5% do understand and 5% have one. but they are my figures, it puts it all into perspective. So why don't people understand?

Because it isn't something you can imagine. How can those without a mental illness imagine having one? We can all imagine having a broken leg cant we? But something you cannot see isn't so easy. To top it off, some of us complain every time we are asked "how are you"? we are just honest and tell them "I'm having a bad day today"....they get sick of hearing it mainly because they cannot assist us in our recovery. They don't know that spending 15 minutes with us listening will help us.

Also people like to have a fun life, happy, energetic etc. By associating closely with a person with depression it brings them down.

Don't mistake their negative attitude towards you as not loving you. They indeed do. But some don't have the capacity, patience, endurance to reach out into an area they know nothing about.

Look at it like this- your pen pal you have been writing to in Finland arrives in Australia for a one week visit. You are so excited. Then you meet him at the airport and you find out that he has been writing in English all those letters but he cannot speak a word of English. He has to write in English to speak to you. By the end of the week you are relieved because you can now talk to your family and friends and not write everything down.

Something in life you need to carry on your own. Mental illness is one of them. Expect no one to listen nor understand and if you do then you are lucky...its a bonus.

Tony WK

[JessF]

Hello Xav, have you talked to your therapist about how you feel it isn't helping? These session are precious, and sometimes therapists can drift onto 'autopilot' where they let you drive things instead of taking control. It sounds like at the moment you could benefit from some more goal focused guided therapy, and some plans to help you manage your anxiety around your relationship and looking for work.

[Dizzyy]

I totally understand what you're saying!! its hard to find people who really understand and can empathize with what you're going through. But from what ive found is that if they are meant to be in your life they will understand it just might take them some time to understand (if you've never been through it, it can be a scary construct) It may take time but I promise you will find people who understand!! 

[Xavsyd80]

Hi thanks for your reply. I haven't brought it up with my therapist as yet.  I do feel we only talk about current stuff that is causing problems in my life which is fine  but my problems at their core aren't being addressed. I think i will bring it up in our next session. I am very glad there are people like your self I can reach out to. Thanks. 

[Pebz]

Hello Xavsyd. Good on you for reaching out. The negative feelings that over take when you are depressed can be very distructive. It can be true that our loved ones may not understand and there isnt much we can do about that but talk to them. One thing that can help is to tackle the actual thoughts you have and own it as your own perception which is going to be squewed because of your illness. This is what helped me thinking like that as that was me for 20 years. I felt like I was odd, weird and totally alone because no one understood me, the truth is I didn't understand myself and how to change my thinking.

a good psychologist can help you to do that kind of therapy with you. I have seen 17 different therapists in my life with only a few of them actually helping me. If you therapist isn't helping then you should be able to tell them and either find someone else or see if they try a different approach. 

Just remember that your loved ones are doing the best they can, try to resent them for not doing what you expect them too and if you feel somerhing, ask them just to check. Trust them and just go on what they tell you as double guessing any intent behind what they say can do your head in. 

Good luck, i hope you gwt some relief from this feeling soon and can find some good therapy. 🙂

[JessF]

Hello Xav, yes it does sound a bit like you're talking about symptoms rather than the root cause of the problems. I have had therapist sessions like this, the hour goes nowhere if you get stuck on the details of, for example, one particularly bad sitaution that upset you in the past week. Some therapists will just sit there and let you talk and run the clock down, the better ones will (politely and appropriately) interrupt you and guide the conversation, and help you see your feelings and reactions as part of a pattern that you can break over time.