My friends don’t how to deal with my depression.

[absnih]

I have had depression for the past 2 years and it has been slowly getting worse. I have panic attacks multiple times a week and cry at least once a day. Generally I keep these things to myself but there are friends that I see every day who experience these things with me. Recently they have told me that they don’t know what to do and don’t want to “deal with me anymore”. I know that they care about me but as my depression gets worse, we grow further apart. I feel like I am annoying to deal with and a burden to hang around. We struggle to talk because they don’t experience the same things I do, so they don’t fully understand, and I have trouble communicating what I am really feeling. After having a big fight with my friends in December, we haven’t talked once. I now rarely leave the house apart from a couple of days a week to go to work. I feel as though locking myself up and staying home is making me worse but I also have a panick attack every time i think about leaving the house by myself and without a real purpose of leaving the house to do something other than just get out. I need some advice on trying to manage my attacks and depression and how I can talk to my friends about it. They are extremely important to me as I do not have any close family, but I am unsure of how to approach them.

[Croix]

Dear Absnih~

I'm sorry you are having to deal wiht all this, it is horrible

Trying to talk to people when they do not have the personal experience is hard, and something most of us have to try to do. I'd like to draw a distinction right at the start between friends and acquaintances. True friends who are likely to give meaningful support are few and far between. Acquaintances are more numerous but not really able or willing to give much help or understanding

Not knowing what to do is a very big hurdle for people when they are confronted with many aspects of mental illness. It's outside their experience. Feeling helpless, fear of doing harm, and not being able to fix things quickly all contribute to a desire in many to avoid the problem

I guess in some ways having instructions to follow can help. Being told they only have to listen and not necessarily have to actually do anything is one thing. Giving an understanding of what a panic attack is (a misplaced fight or flight reaction) can help to, as can understanding how it is combated

So I guess you have to pick the most likely person and try to give an idea of what is needed. Not very easy, I found I did not even know myself what I needed, it was a trial and error process. Also I only realy talked seriously with my partner

Panic attacks are horrible and when I first started having them I though I was about to die. I learned in the end they are not fatal and can be minimized and got though by controlled breathing, the knowledge I have gotten though before, and a measure of stubbornness - not giving in. If your friends know what is happening and what you are doing to successfully get though they might worry less

OK I've written all the above because in your post your relationship with your friends is worrying you. What concerns me more though is you saying you have had worsening depression for two years. That plus frequent panic attacks, crying and wanting to withdraw all seem like an anxiety condition too. I'm not a doctor but you sound very much like I've been.

Can I ask if you have been diagnosed and are under treatment? From what you say you are having a very hard time indeed. I found I simply kept on getting worse until I had the right medical help.I'd strongly suggest you see you doctor in an extended consultation and say what is happening. If you are under treatment then it needs adjusting to become effective. If you are not it is high time you started.

Please post again and say what you think

Croix