Hi Narelle,
Firstly i am so sorry you are going through this tough time and I can't even imagine how you feel. I'm not an expert in counselling or psychology but i would love to help in any way possible. I suffer with really bad anxiety too and have found some useful things to help me.
Firstly it is totally ok to feel the way you do and please forgive yourself to feel all the feels and emotions, really take note and welcome them in instead of suppressing them. It's important to not attack your feelings and in the past i have literally labeled my anxiety with a name to separate it from WHO i am (it sounds a bit crazy i know) but this separation helps you understand that this is JUST a feeling and this feeling will pass. Try and welcome anything in and start to journal in a notebook what you feel. This could be anything from your breathing to your hands sweating or just any thoughts inside your head. writing it down helps get it out onto paper (again, separating yourself from it) By labelling my anxiety, this especially helps me as it's like as if i'm writing a story about something that isn't ME.
I know it's winter and it's very cold but i like to be extremely present, the other day i went for my first sunrise swim! (BRR) anything that is sharp and sudden helps you be extremely present and it's all you can think of. When you get chance look into Cold water therapy and the benefits this has on mental health - it really is fascinating! Cold showers are great. You could start small by walking bare foot on the sand or the grass first thing in the morning. This grounding technique is a great challenge for your mind and it's a real accomplishment if you can challenge yourself!
I'm unsure if you are into meditation but this is something i'm slowly getting into and i just put on some soft meditation music and again, if i'm feeling anxious i will write it down and I will also write down 3 things i am grateful for. This really helps us switch our focus. Most days I write down 'i am grateful for my warm cup of coffee' or 'i am grateful to have face-timed a friend' This again, brings us into the present moment and helps us not overthink about anything else.
Meditation doesn't have to be sitting in silence, some days I'll put on some soft happy music and i will dance around my room, sounds a bit mad i know! but this helps me have a little energy burst and you can do whatever you like, whatever you feel is right for you at the time!
Sending socially distanced hugs x
