Marriage separation and blended family issues

[Blended_agony]

I’m really struggling since my husband kicked me out for the second time and took away my keys to the house so I couldn’t return 😪 I hVe since moved out with my kids

i have felt so broken since and I am so up and down with my mood when we were together I had a lot of issues with my step son who is 10 he would be so rude roll his eyes at me back chat me and talk to me like crap and I was constantly arguing with him and my husband would never say anything. I get like I had no support from him my step son just doesn’t like being told no plain and simple and would constantly lie about everything ! Everyday was a struggle and if it went on for too long I would start to be quite horrible towards him cause I’ve teached my limit and when I would finally crack it and say something to my husband about the way his son had been towards me he would just say well your speaking to him like crap so I’ve been letting him speak to you like it !!!

This has been going on for so many years I even took him on with my other 3 kids in my home town for 18months as my husband couldn’t look after him cause of his work and his sister had left town

I had 5 kids in the house to look after my 16yr old his 7yr old daughter his 10yr old son and our 3 yr old and 1 Yr old , he would come home sit on couch and be on his phone I felt like I had no support and got so stressed daily

he tells me I’m getting big or putting on weight I ask him to stop he tells me he doesn’t care how much I put on he wouldn’t love me all the same

he checks out the fit mums in front in me constantly talks about other woman r says he would like me to feel jealous cause that app would make me want him more

if I want to go away for weekend to see my girlfriend back home he would crack it and make me feel bad cause he is left at home alone

I’m trying to fix things but things just don’t seem to be getting any better apart he needs my help with his kids as his parents have gone up north now and I’m going straight back to being stressed with his son and he doesn’t say anything I’m crying all the time and I feel very aggressive

I hVe been on medication for years and years I’ve decided before I was kicked out to try another drug cause I thought maybe it wasn’t working so dr put me on another medication now  and I just feel quick to anger and I feel like I just cry all the time and am up and down constantly

[Blended_agony]

Thanks when I ment there was 6-7 things I do I ment signs of being a victim of gaslighting not that I do it

I see things now that he does and my reactions and how I deal with them

thanks for everything