Lost.

[Dadconcern]

The title of this is just how I feel...Lost. I've just turned 60 & I think that has hit me like a freight train. The lost opportunities now playing over & over in my head, like a constant reminder of how I've never taken any chances, just stayed comfortable & safe. I've have many hobbies that I no longer pursue. I'm long time divorced & single, I have a good family...I have 2 wonderful young grandaughters who I see regularly & adore with all that I am, & yet, here I am now, feeling lost, somewhat hopeless, definitely helpless & ready to leave. I constantly say that to myself regularly now it seems. More & more as another year passes. My heart breaks for the pain I would cause for those I love & yet, I feel unable to see any other future. It's terrible feeling so lost when I know I had so much to give. These feelings have being going on for too long now. I hope I'm just lost & all is not yet lost.

[quirkywords]

dadconcern 

Thanks for your moving post and your honesty. I am a few years older than and relate to that lost feeling. 
i am glad you see your granddaughters regularly  and they bring joy to you.

Admist the pain I feel from your words I also see you have hope that all is not yet lost. 

I know when I can’t sleep at night I go over all those lost opportunity and regrets. 
When all these thoughts play over in our minds it can seem overwhelming. 

A couple of things that help me

was writing down a few things I am grateful for each day, there is a thread on the forum called Three things to be thankful today. 
Thing of things no matter how small helps stops raise thoughts about my lost opportunities.

I realise that these ideas may not help you as we are different. 
I  too hope you are just lost and can find a way out. 

You said you have many hobbies you but do not  do  anymore, is there one you may like to do again..?

Besides here have you ever spoken to anyone about how you feel.?
Beyond Blue have a support phone line with trained professionals.

1300 22 4636 

You are not alone. Many reading your post will be relating to what you wrote as I have. 
Feel free to post when you want to as we are listening.

Quirky

[therising]

Hi Dadconcern

My heart goes out to you so much as you face what can feel so incredibly soul destroying at times. From my own experience, I've come to see it as like sitting within crossroads in the middle of nowhere. There's not a single sign that points in any direction and not a person in sight who can offer any sense of guidance. At times it can feel like sitting there on the ground with head buried in hands, crying while feeling completely alone in such torment. 'Completely and utterly lost and alone' has a definite feel to it.

One key thing I figured out is I can't do life without guides. While sometimes I can manage finding my way on my own, other times I simply can't. With guidance, I've come to learn

• Waiting (in hope) can actually become depressing. I reached this revelation with the help of one of the regulars on the forums here, Tony (aka White Knight). Waiting for change or waiting for people around me to change in some way that makes life easier can sometimes mean waiting for what may never happen. The longer you wait, the more depressing it becomes. There's the need to stand and move forward in some direction but 'Which direction?' becomes the question
• It's my brother who revealed to me that direction can't be taken without a goal. The goal is the destination that pulls us in a particular direction. If we're not going somewhere, technically we're going nowhere and that's something that can definitely be felt on a soulful level. As long as the goal exists, then a gradual sense of achievement is felt in every step we take towards it. Can be a major problem if we just can't see what the goal needs to be, which leads to another factor...
• The challenges of being a seer. While, as a kid, I used to picture a seer as some gypsy type sitting in front of a crystal ball, in reality a seer is someone who can simply see through their mind's eye, into their imagination. Chances are you've been seeing your whole life but never considered yourself a seer. All the times you saw/imagined what you needed to do next or saw/imagined the direction someone close to you needed to take, for their own good, you were seeing. There are times where I can easily see the way ahead for those in my life or see the root of the problem they face but my ability to see such things for myself feels 'broken'. It's then that I look for someone who can see for me. I have a few of these people in my life, with one who offered me a vision just the other day, an old and passionate one I'd actually completely lost sight of. With me going through a pretty dark time at the moment, they helped shed some light on what wasn't clear to me, which leads me to a question that I imagine you can relate to, to some degree...
• 'How to move ahead fearlessly when skills in fearlessness can be in short supply?'. As a 53yo gal who's typically been a 'safe player' in the game of life, I've never felt the need to develop skills in living fearlessly, until now. I've learned that the need to live fearlessly can be felt at any time in life. We can shrug it off until we just can't shrug it off any longer because the need (which is deeply felt) just becomes too overwhelming to ignore

Combining all 4 points, I suppose it all looks like 'No longer waiting in hope as we develop skills in fearlessly moving toward a goal someone else has seen for us'.

Who do you know in your life who's a seer, someone who can see a goal/direction for you? If there's no one you can think of, maybe this is your first goal. Could your #1 goal at the moment be to find someone who's able to lead you to see the best way forward? Could your #1 goal be to find a reliable guide or set of guides, before anything else? Guides can come in so many different forms such as sibling, our own child or children, a professional therapist, people on the forums here, some type of spiritual guide, a friend, certain inspiring people on YouTube, certain authors etc. Can take some time to develop a reliable circle of guides.

[One_More_Day]

Thank you everyone for your wisdom and Dadconcern for your honesty, which honestly, is a revelation that I am not the only one lost and bereft.

Like a mid-life crisis on steroids, I think particularly for the divorcees, reflecting on choices and losses is a deep grief you play over and over again. Especially if you haven't re-partnered, which I have found impossible.

I would love a seer, or just some clue to guide me to a path where days are not spent in anguish and inconsolable heartbreak.

i watched the Danish proclamation and was in awe of the connectedness of the family and the comfort and joy it resonated. No doubt there are issues as in all families, but I wanted to sink myself in that glow of joy and happiness, free from pain and anguish forever!

It is a cruel trick of life that without good guidance and council to light your path, ending on a dark and lonely road happens.

Despite the emotional hell, we need to make huge efforts to remain connected - something I'm afraid I am terrible at. Lazy? Self-absorbed? Insecure? Locked up and closed...yet to survive, it has to be done. 

Keep in touch, arrange regular gatherings, send postcards in the mail!! Anything and everything in your capacity to extract yourself from the infinite sadness and bring joy back into your life.

Having money helps I think. Takes the stress and pressure off, especially feelings of worthlessness and failure. Socio-economic factors generally  have a huge bearing on longevity and contentment and the capacity to put yourself out there (I am sadly lacking).

Anhedonia, the loss of desire in things we once enjoyed, is a sign of depression.   If even for five minutes, try and revisit or consider a new hobby. I've discovered birding and while it doesn't unlock me, these creatures are true gifts of nature, and you're never alone with a garden or park filled with birds.

Dadconcern, you are not alone. Thanks for connecting.

OMD.