Lost in the mist

[Dodooo]

Hi,

I was raised in the society for which the word depression is just a fancy way of doctor taking Fee from a patient and nothing else. I am living among people with same mindset.

I am blessed in many ways as I got parents who love me most and would do anything in world to keep me happy and safe but I can’t say anything to them or show them a face which isn’t smiling as they are so far away and old , that this will become unbearable for them.

I have a beautiful little girl who loves me a lot but since loss of my first baby due to negligence of people in my life, I have been left feeling every single day for past 7 years that why it was him and not me who was put in that grave.

I don’t know how to cope with my situation. I passed 4 initial years by drowning myself in work 24/7 but for last 3 years I have left job to raise my girl and day by day I am making my life more miserable.

When she is around me I work like a person whose sole purpose is to raise her and keep her happy but when she isn’t around I feel blank. I feel like I have been put in a box where there is silence and no one can hear me scream.

[blondguy]

Hello Dodooo

I wish it was under better circumstances.....but welcome to the forums and thankyou for having the courage to post too!

I am deeply sorry for the loss of your first born....Nothing anyone can say will alleviate your pain with your son

I am in my 50's and was also brought up with a similar mindset where 'only weak people have depression'

They were so wrong. I have had clinical depression for 21 years (under management) and before that chronic anxiety which thank goodness has dissipated..All up 34 years...ugh.

One of the keys that unlocks the door to get out of that 'box' you mentioned is super regular counseling and learning how to 'vent' so we can blow off the steam/crap we have accumulated in our lives

I see my GP every 4 weeks for a 'fine tune' and the huge support he provides to me.

What are your thoughts about seeing a doc/counselor? I know its a major pain and requires heaps of determination and patience but it does unlock the door to having more clarity and peace in our lives

The forums are a judgement free place where you can post. Your privacy is paramount here too 🙂

It would be great if you could stick around as you are more than welcome to post as many times as you wish

My kind thoughts for you

Paul

[Dodooo]

Thanks Paul

I’m sorry to hear that you had to go through same situation where people closest to you are the ones most unaware of your situation but it’s great that you are getting the support.

Your support and kind words are much appreciated and in many ways is what I needed.

Despite whatever those around me thought I had taken support from counseling but had to give it up after 5 months as my girl was born and afterwards life is like roller coaster. And now since I have changed my country and continent ☺️ It will take me some time in seeking help from counseling.

What my Doc said to me was to write journal entries on daily basis , this helped me to go through most of the days but some times it become harder to control the feelings, which was the case when I posted.

Would definitely be sticking around.

Dodooo