lost and lonely.

[Elsker]

I feel very trapped and alone at the moment.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 21. After medication and counselling, and I learned some tools that have helped me get by since, without medication. I’m 43 now.

I spent years of my childhood listening to my parents fighting constantly, sometimes violently. Then my father dying when I was 16. Then I had a motorcycle accident when I was 18 and shattered my humurus and twisting my
collarbone.

I have lost 75% of the movement in that arm and have varying levels of
constant pain in the shoulder and arm ever since.

I lost my most recent job 18 months ago under bad circumstances, I live in a small town and it has been impossible
to find another job I suspect in part because my previous employer gives me bad references, despite my having been a hard reliable, punctual and dedicated worker all of my life.

I‘m now back on the family farm with my mother. She is aged with a string of ailments. I spend about half of my time helping her, I cook all her meals, doing the physical chores, despite often being in pain from my shoulder and a compacted disc I now have. I spend all day listening to her complain about how sick she and criticising the way I do things. My brother and sister never help out. Visiting the house maybe twice a year.

I spend the other half of my time looking for jobs to apply for, rarely getting a response.

I was also diagnosed with diabetes type 2 and really need to lose weight but find that a struggle, despite eating healthy,
no fried foods and very rarely eat takeaway.

I walk and do physical activity every day. But it never seems to make any difference.

I tripped yesterday and kicked my toes and now my 4th toe is swollen and partially black
and extremely sore. Though I was reminded how lucky I am by my mother than I have never experienced true pain.

Now I find myself 43, stuck at home, no friends, nobody to talk to, I struggle to afford to go to the doctor, no bulk
billing here. I can’t remember the last time someone asked how I was. I’ve
tried to make new friends but I am not very outgoing and my interests are not similar to people I meet. I’m quiet and introspective,
I like music and books and matters of the mind.

I used to be a romantic, I used to believe in magic and dream big dreams. Now I am just lost.

I do understand my problems are trivial compared to the real
problems a lot of people have. It still gets a bit overwhelming some days.

[White_Rose]

Dear Elsker

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. I am sorry to hear of all the hurts you have received in your life. It's hard to manage and maintain a positive frame of mind when you are in pain. I want to say your problems are not trivial to you or anyone. No matter what trials other people have, you are important and your physical and mental health is important. I often hear people put themselves down because others have a worse life. It's true we all have our difficulties, small and large, but that does not put you at the end of some imaginary queue. You have worth in your own right and when you need help it is not a favour you are accepting, but a lift from those who have been there or can understand your pain.

I like music and books and matters of the mind. Well you've found a friend here. I like reading, sewing and embroidery, music, lots of classical music as well as 60s. I understand you live in a fairly isolated part. Is this correct? It's always difficult when you cannot just step out of the door and be involved in the community. Do you drive? I wondered because of the lack of use of your arm. I do hope it has not meant you cannot drive. That would add to your feeling of being imprisoned.

You say you like matters of the mind. Have you thought of joining the University of the Third Age? I did a bit of a search on this and found the following website. It's U3A online which may be something you would enjoy. Cost is $25 per year. Quite reasonable I feel. http://www.u3aonline.org.au/ I have not browsed much. I leave that to you. It may provide some stimulus for you and help with the loneliness. I found going to uni as a 'mature age' student a lot of fun and very rewarding.

Writing here on Beyond Blue is also good for many people. We have some long running threads from those who like to keep in contact with others while travelling their own road. Browse the site, join in any conversation that appeals. Keep writing on this thread. Start writing your own journal. It's surprising how different things look after you have written about them. I know this does not address the loneliness. Will write more if you wish.

You can also access mental health courses online, which may help. Try the MindSpot clinic. Web address is www.mindspot.org.au. You can enrol in these courses after being assessed. You complete a questionnaire and then someone phones you to talk about what would be helpful. It's a safe site to try and I think it is free.

Mary

[geoff]

hi Elsker, I feel sorry for anybody having a vehicle/motorbike accident becausee I know what it has don e to me.
There are a few issues I want to talk about, one maybe good and the other not so good, but will touch on them so you can get back to us.
With you arm/shoulder are you getting what ever treatment you need from TAC (Vic) or whatever State you live in as this is what is their responsibility, second point who is your mum's power of attorney, and thirdly have you considered putting your mum into a nursing home.
The last of these is not what your mum would want, but if she is getting too much for you then maybe it's something to consider.
I have mentioned these three options so that you get back to us. Geoff..

[Elsker]

Thank you for your response Mary,

we are a little isolated but not totally its only about 30km to our nearest town. I do drive I think I need to find some things to do that interest me.

Thank you for the links I will most definitely check them out. Just venting a little certainly helped.

Brett

[Elsker]

Hi Geoff,

thank you for responding to my post.

I did get a lot of physio at the time and have had it looked at form time to time. There's not much can be done short of major surgery and I've always been told that it would be 50/50 whether it made it worse or better and that surgery would definitely result in increased arthritic pain as I got older. I've mostly learned to deal with it its just the shoulder I can move the elbow and my hand functions fine. I can't lift my arm above my head for example but tasks in front of me nobody would notice any difference. The pain mostly only becomes an issue when I start doing physical activities with it like lifting or pull starting thew mower.

As to your second point I couldn't consider putting my mother in a nursing home yet. Ironically my sister who rarely helps out has power of attorney. But my mother is mostly able to care for herself I only cook her meals and do the physical chores. She has a lot of hobbies breeding chooks, ducks, peacocks, parrots etc and that keeps her quite busy most of the day but she can't do much of the physical labour like caryring water, buckets of wheat, shoveling to clean out cages.

We live on a farm though we lease much of it to a neighbor now, but there is always work to be done, trees falling over to be cut up, gutters to be cleaned, lawns to be mowed etc.

Thank you again for your response. I appreciate it.