lost and empty

[John8787]

Hey all,

Thanks for reading this.

I hit rock bottom about a month ago now after my partner of 4 1/2 years left me. It has been the hardest time of my life.

I have been to my gp and I am now on antidepressants and going to see someone next week too help me.

My partner was my world she was everything to me including my best and ONLY friend I had in my life. I thought we were going too spend our lives together but like everything else in this world nothing lasts.

Everyday I struggle to live I wake hop wondering why what's the point in anything the pain and hurt ii feel is just to much I am so lonely but somehow I drag myself to work.

I don't want to be me anymore I wish I could cluck my fingers and change have friends and a new gf.

It seems to hard I hate the weekends they are the worst

Sorry but yeah I need to vent.

[Neil_1]

Hi there John

Firstly I'd like to extend a warm welcome to you to Beyond Blue and to thank you for providing your post.

I'm sorry to read that your relationship is over and that things are so difficult for you at this time.  The breakup of relationships is a very traumatic event and does take time;  and often, it takes a lot of time to move on from.  I was going to say, 'get over', but the getting over part can take a lot longer.  It's the ability to 'move on' is a key point.

Yes, weekends are bad and no doubt you'd also agree that night times aren't overly flash either.

I'm super pleased to hear that you're still working and if I can suggest that this is something that you continue to do so and perhaps even for this next little while, try to immerse yourself in your work as much as possible.  To keep the mind occupied and to stop it wandering.

Before you met your partner (and perhaps even during that time) were there activities that you enjoyed doing?  Hobbies, sports, keeping fit, etc - there's a massive list there - I hope there were some things that you could say yes too.  Cause if there is, I would strongly encourage you to try to have a go at one or two of these things and as soon as possible.  For the first instance to try to get you out and about and perhaps to work on your fitness if that's one of the items you've chosen.

I'm pleased that you've sought out professional help at this time as well - I hope you're able to stay with us;  as I'd like to hear back regarding some of my posts questions, but also with how your upcoming appointment went for you?

Neil

[John8787]

Hi Neil,

Thanks for your reply. The past month has been so hard.

I used to have a few hobbies before my partner but I lost interest in them. Pretty much the only hobbies I have had for the last 3 years has been playing video games.

And now not even that interests me nothing seems worth doing I hate waking up every morning.

I don't understand how a person just leaves you like that gone like all the years didn't matter. It hurts so much and seems so unfair after everything you do for someone.

I wouldn't wish the stuff that goes though my head every second on anyone its so draining and sad.

[geoff]

dear John, my heart does go out to you, because when any couple break up or when one of these partners decide to leave the feeing of being deserted takes over, and that's why this site will always be one for people to vent.

This can happen at any time, whether you have been in a long relationship or a rather short one, it makes no difference, because when it does happen it's devastating.

There must be thoughts going through your mind, some which maybe true while others could be assumptions, and that's by no means any fault of yours it always happens, but hoping that she may come back to you and explain why all of this has suddenly happened, however I don't believe that this will happen short term.

I just wonder whether or not you have been chasing her either to come back or to find out why she left, but when a partner leaves they don't like to contacted, simply for the fact that she left and presumably wants it be over.

Of course this will upset you, because you would feel lost, and where you were living if together would also remind you of the good times.

It is good that you can drag yourself to work, because everybody there would understand what it means to lose a partner, however some remarks maybe condescending or cruel which may or may not affect you deeply, but there will be plenty of comments that will support you to carry on, and suggest that someone else will fall into your lap, OK that's fine, but at the moment you yourself have to find some comfort within yourself, and maybe by meeting another lovely lady will help you greatly. Geoff.

[John8787]

Thanks for your reply Geoff,

She did give me some reasons but I feel that there were more that she didn't want to tell me.

I still live at the house so I guess that's harder for me as I'm reminded of everything all the time.

I know people who haven't suffered depression wouldn't know what its like so she will have no idea how much I am struggling to live with myself.

Also I guess its harder have no friends to turn to as I have always been a pretty quite private person which I don't like.

 I have not told anyone at work what I'm going though as they are not very supportive people and like to back stab alot.

Just wish that there was a restart button in life that you could press and clear everything.

[nataya]

I Am so sorry you are going through a tough time. Im sorry your relationship has broken down if must be a tough time. I took am going through a relationship break up and feel lost and empty as well.

I just wanted you to know that your not alone and i hope things improve for you soon

[SpaceComputer]

Sounds like you have totally centered your life as this one person, this one pursuit of happiness above all and everything else in your life.

 Now that this one central theme to your life has gone, you are wondering what remains?

It definitely sounds like you need a professional to talk to your issues about in detail, ie a mental health Councillor or psychologist.

 There are solutions but I think you need help, perhaps with how you rationalize and prioritize things in your life. Medication may help, but a pill alone will not fix fundamental structural problems in your life situation.

You there is absolutely no doubt you have the potential to find another partner, but I would strongly recommend also investing in non-intimate friendships as well as a variety of hobbies/interests.

 The catch 22 is you feel awful and depressed, so you don't feel motivated to do things which will produce what is necessary to better your life.

 That's why its important you find the right combination of professional support (such as therapy) and medication (under doctor supervision) so that you can get out of this trap your caught up in.

 In the meantime, please keep talking to the people in here, cause right HERE there are people that wish to be supportive of you.

[John8787]

Space you are pretty much spot on mate.

I have an appointment this week for tharapy so l hope that helps. 

Just hurts so much that you spend so much time with someone do a lot of things for them then they just go like that. Like it all meant nothing?

it makes you feel like why bother having another partner when they just leave in the end anyway.

life is really sad when u think about it all. It's wrong do you really ever know someone.