Looking backwards through binoculars.

[Turtle_eyes]

I feel like my Life is like looking through Binoculars backwards. I was once a hopeful, happy and positive person. After a workplace accident in 2004 that triggered a deppressive episode I have been dealing with the condition ever since. I am not fulfilled by anything it seems anymore. I dread going to work as the owners of the business have lost faith in my ability to perform and it has eroded my confidence badly. My colleague is not happy there either. He said to me the other day that he had lost weight, I said that he looked good, but his response to me was 'I probably have the big C' (being Cancer). That made me feel like walking out then and there. I only work there part-time, but I am not sure I can even do that. This has been my third attempt at finding a suitable job in 12 months. I no longer even like the Industry, but what do I do when I feel I have nothing to offer an employer?

I don't want to suffer anymore, it makes me so tired all the time and I feel like I am looking at an ever shrinking life ahead, like the binocular scenario.

I feel that a move to a smaller town near the sea and away from the City might be a good move for me, away from the hustle and noise, but my partner is commited to her job and a move at this time is out of the question for her, and as I am unsure I could live without her, I remain stuck......looking through those binoculars.

[Quercus]

Hello Turtle Eyes,

Oh how your post hit home. I've been waiting waiting waiting to leave the city too. I don't belong here.

Three things have helped.

1. Medical help. Psychiatrist. Therapy. Medication. Reading your post is like looking into my own head before help. I was a mess. There was more going on then moving home could change. Have you spoken to your GP? If not would you consider it?

2. Having a good hard look at expectations vs my needs. I worked in a field that didn't suit me. Studied what others told me was best for me rather than what was right for me. I threw them all in and took a cleaning job. Quiet. Self motivated. Work independently. No stress to take home. Physically hard work. It suits me. I feel good when I work. I feel good after I work. This is what matters....not whether others think it's a good job.

3. Hobbies close to nature. Gardening and plant propagation is my thing. If you love the sea how about once a week going to make a sandcaste? Take your partner for a walk on the sand. Go fishing. Swim. Snorkle. Lie on the beach and read. Go look at rockpools. Volunteer to clean sections of a beach. The list goes on. I feel better when I am in the right environment. For me that is a garden. I feel the pace of life slows. I feel calmer and happier. You don't have to move to have this. Just work it into your routine.

I hope you feel able to keep talking. Take care of yourself please.

Nat

[Turtle_eyes]

Hi Nat, Thankyou for your considered reply. I resigned from the part-time job I hated this morning and I feel a whole lot lighter now, not going back to such a negative place is better than the horrible effect it was having on me.

Funnily enough I have considered cleaning, as I like hard physical work, and enjoy cleaning. So it may be a suitable option for me.

Nature I love and I will take your advice and stay connected with it.

Cheers

ed

[Quercus]

Hi Ed,

Good for you. I'm glad you feel lighter. You sound more hopeful.

What about gardening, landscaping or nursery work? Also hard work but you'll be out in nature. Are you taking a bit of time just for you or looking for work already?

I hope the hopeful feeling sticks around for you.

Nat

[White_Rose]

Hello Ed

Welcome to the forum. Depression and a lack of motivation go together unfortunately. You feel better doing something, Quercus has provided a great list, but it's so hard to get started and unless you do things do not get better. Catch 22.

Quercus has made some brilliant suggestions, especially around working outdoors. I find a lot of peace in my garden even watching grass grow.

Did you see anyone about your depression after the accident? If so can you return? I presume you saw your GP at the time so would be worthwhile to get checked out again.

It is so easy to lose our confidence after accidents and other medical conditions. This is why doing something important and pleasurable to you is necessary for your own well-being. Working in a nursery sounds good. Plants show their gratitude by thriving under your care. That is an enormous confidence booster. I love it when I bring a plant back from edge. I feel it nurtures my soul as well as the plant.

There are many people who set up their own business looking after the gardens of other people. Working people want a good garden but do not have time to manage the upkeep. This may be an opportunity in the future.

Your second post does sound more hopeful. Love to know how you get on.

Mary