How can I not be excited for a big holiday?

[svitteh]

I havent been anywhere to be diagnosed or anything so I'm sorry if when I say that I was "depressed" I've gotten it wrong. I know many people have actual diagnosed depression and I don't want to make that seem less important.

About 2 years ago I was depressed and not thinking straight. I'm not sure what exactly got me out of it but I think a combination of exercising and finding new hobbies helped.

I'm now going downhill again. Right now I have a huge assigment thing that has no deadline. That seemed like a good thing but it really isn't. When I was in school I lived off deadlines and they really helped me get things done. I've ended up setting my own deadline, finish it before my birthday (start of April) and it's failing miserably.

Things I used to love doing now seem awful. I used to love cycling. Now I don't want to go anywhere and it's crazy. I'd cycle 3 hours or more to get to somewhere if I really wanted to and now I don't want to go the 10 min to the library or shops so nevermind the 40 min to get to my closest friends (closest as in distance, but I guess theyre pretty close to me too).

I've tried pushing myself to do these things but it's like I don't want to enjoy them even though I do. Deadlines and threats don't seem to bother me anymore and I don't seem to care.

I've taken a job that I don't need because I'm basically a kid and I think I just got overambitious. I'm proud that I've kept it for this long but now all it does is drain my energy that I need to be putting into my schooling.

And to make this post even longer I've got my whole trip problem (my main issue i guess? Just the most confusing for me). Last year when I'd gotten out of things and was happy I planned a trip to England (I'm in Australia). I saved up and in January bought the tickets, thinking I'd get over this if I kept doing the things that make me happy. Well I leave in June and I'm terrified. I have no reason to be, everything's sorted and I'm staying with family, everything's payed for and I should be happy but I don't know if I'm making a really dumb mistake.

Basically I'll try anything at the moment, my parents are out of work with all the shutdowns here and everything's falling apart. I have no clue what to do anymore.

[Croix]

Dear Svitteh~

Reading your post it's obvious things have changed and the life you used to live is now far away. Having feelings of not caring and no enjoyment, plus not wanting to do anything, is a pretty grim way to live and may well point to something deeper. I remember when I first stated to get ill with anxiety and depression I went though a period much as you describe. I did the minimum and that was a big effort.

I kept getting worse until I started to get appropriate medical treatment, than in time I improved. Now I lead a pretty good life.

So may I suggest you book a long consultation with your GP and say what has been happening to you for the last couple of years. As an alternative if you are under 25 you can contact eHeadspace (1800 650 890) or the Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800), both of which are experienced and professional.

You may be diagnosed as I was, and can take comfort from the fact such illnesses are treatable. You really can get a better life.

A trip to the UK, even with family to be with, is a pretty big step and I'm not surprised you have mixed feelings at the moment, however I suspect that once on your way events will take over and it will be fine.

I'm pleased you have some good friends, even if they are a while away. How do you get on with your parents? I have found having someone to talk with who cares helps, it can give new perspective, and lighten the load.

When one looks in from outside you have a fair amount of stress in your life. A job that drains energy, schooling with a large assignment over your head, and a family who are going though the highly unpleasant experience of being without jobs.

All this, plus the memories of how you were before, will have taken their toll.

Hang in there and talk here as often as you would like

Croix

[smallwolf]

Hi,

Firstly, Croix has made many good points. So no point in restating these.

As far as the travel part is concerned... It's funny the tricks we allow our minds to play on us. Part of it is nervous energy. But let me tell you a short story...

I have been overseas for the past 2 weeks.in the time leading up to departure I had these thoughts in my head such as missing the connecting flight, among many other unreal thoughts. While at the airport, my heart was still pounding.

Today I get to go back home. Since yesterday, similar thoughts invading my head. I know these thoughts are irrational, but they are present.

It is also one of those once in a lifetime things? I am sure the people you are staying with are looking forward to your coming, and have fun activities planned. Try to enjoy this time.

[quirkywords]

Svitteh

welcome to the forum. This is a friendly and supportive place.

Croix and small wolf have given helpful suggestions.

I can relate to feeling funny about a big trip. There is a lot to plan, and airports and even though it is wonderful it is a big change. I am on a trip now and was so worried before that I considered not going then I felt guilty because I knew how lucky I was!

Hopefully like me once you are there you will have a great time .I am enjoying myself with the odd worry but I just accept thats me and am liking going to new places, meeting new people,tasting Greta food and learning lots of history.

You will enjoy being with family. I think the thought of it all and for me all the planning is the hard bit. If you can see them as normal thoughts that many people have about travelling no focus on all the great things you will do there.

Feel free to post when you like.

Quirky

[geoff]

hi Svitteh, welcome and you have raised a very good point, one which always happens to me, more so as I'm divorced and live along.

Many times I have thought about going interstate over to WA from VIC, the want is there but the will is not.

It means that I have to leave my place of security, do I surprise my friend or do I organise it with her, but what if she doesn't want me, even though we talk on the phone.

It's easy to make a date for in the future, no problem at all, but as the time gets closer that's when the anxiety kicks in. Geoff.