Lonely and sad

[Starletbunny]

Currently 6 weeks pregnant, through ivf and sperm donor, but now it's starting to hit me how alone I am. After a visit to the hospital due to cramps and bleeding, I messaged my best friend who said she'd be there for me, then fell asleep. I don't have any other friends, my family don't know I'm pregnant because theyve always told me I'd be a bad mother and shouldn't be a parent. I have noone on my life. Noone to share things with. People keep saying to find a hobby or something I love and happiness will follow, but I have zero interests in any hobbies. I've googled and nothing jumps out to me. There's nothing I'm passionate about. I have been seeing a psych for the last 4 years, and my last session ended badly, she said that my immediate issues have been sorted, and since I'm going to be hormonal, delving back into past issues will be counter active as I have enough to focus on now being pregnant, then getting worked up about history and I should see her in 9 months and there's plenty of help around my area (midwives etc) she also made a comment about the guy I'm crushing on not being interested in me because he can sense my issues. So now, I've been rejected by him, my psych and my only friend and I'm just so lonely and sad. Been googling new psychs but most aren't taking new patients, or have no appointments for over a month. I don't even know if it's my depression getting worse, pregnancy hormones or a mix. I just keep crying. Thanks for listening to my rants

[quirkywords]

Startletbunny

welcome to the forum and thanks for making your first post. Yiu have written clearly and expressed how you are feeling.

Firstly congratulations on being pregnant. Dealing with emotions of pregnancy alone is a lot but you also have other issues so it makes it hard.

I can sense your loneliness and your frustration of feeling let down by the people you hoped were there for you. Has your friend been in touch with you?.

Maybe for the moment concentrating on your health and the pregnancy may help.

Do you have a local doctor you could see?

You are not alone and there is support here, Feel free to post here whenever you want.

Quirky

[therising]

Hi Starletbunny

First, I have to say you're a brave person setting out on an incredible journey, motherhood. Such a shame your parents didn't say 'Motherhood is skillful. We have every faith in you that you are able to learn some incredible skills that will lead you to become and amazing mum'. I'm a mum myself (to a 15yo boy and 18yo girl), so I can vouch for motherhood being a positively mind altering 'skill development course' 🙂 Also, while life can dismember us in so many ways from who we naturally are, there is nothing like our child or children to help us re-member our self on a number of levels. Kids are incredible.

Rephrasing 'hobby' to 'interest' might be more productive when it comes to what you may find yourself being passionate about. Whether you want to call it a hobby or interest, my own involves 'wonder'. I wonder about just about everything. I know this may sound a bit strange but with wonder as a hobby, I'm not only never bored, I'm also constantly gaining an education. Would have to say the thing or person I wonder most about is my self; why and how do I tick the way I do (on a mental, physical/biological and natural or what some call 'spiritual' level). It's a hobby I'll maintain for the rest of my life.

If you imagine taking up this kind of hobby or interest, there's plenty of online stuff when it comes to research as well as some brilliant authors/books out there. So, for example, you could research 'What diet, lifestyle, mindset, practices etc lead to positive changes in serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin levels in a person (esp a pregnant one)?' Practices for boosting oxytocin levels are definitely important. Oxytocin is largely responsible for love and bonding. This will come to serve you well as a new mum. Personally, my levels were low with both my kids, as I'd been dealing with depression for quite a number of years before they came along.

We're definitely more than just a big bag of chemical reactions and thoughts, which is why a lot of my research also includes a natural or 'spiritual' take on things. For example, if someones not naturally raising you, leading you to vibe higher, chances are they're not raising your thoughts to a new perspective (psychology) or your chemical levels in order to alter your biology. I find the 3 aspects are so intertwined.

Can't say that I blame you for questioning your psych's abandonment. Definitely questionable. Perhaps this is an opportunity to get to know yourself better in new ways.

🙂

[therising]

Hi again

Forgot to mention the idea of perhaps looking into a local meditation group. Even if it's not your thing as a concept, it's a way of meeting people, gaining a support group in one sense and also learning ways to relax the body and mind during pregnancy. Typically, our parents don't teach us relaxation techniques for life, which can help explain our stress levels. Often, relaxation techniques/management strategies are things we need to seek out and learn for our self.

🙂

[Ggrand]

Dear Starletbunny...

Awe Starlet, I’m so sorry your crying and feeling so lonely...especially now that your pregnant with your precious baby....

I can relate to getting no joy or interest in hobbies or finding something that I like to do....Depression takes that joy away from us....

When I was pregnant with my children...wow so long ago..I’m a great granny now...I bought myself books on learning to knit..crotchet and sew baby clothes..no internet back when I was pregnant....neither was gender known until baby was born....I am thinking dear Starlet...that maybe you could google something and learn to knit, crotech or sew some beautiful clothes for when baby arrives.....Being pregnant hopefully could be a motivation to begin a new hobby which will give you a feeling of joy....maybe even join a knitting/craft group at your local library..or in your area...

I remember my daughter in law made some good friends at pre natal classes...(I think that’s the name)...and still meet up occasionally for a coffee and chat...their children are now 13 years old....

I hope so much you feel up to continuing to talk here.....as this is a very beautiful and caring community,,,,others will pop in and offer their suggestions for you..you are not alone here...lovely Starlet..

My kindest and most caring thoughts..

Grandy..

[Starletbunny]

Hi, thank you for your reply. My friend just keeps messaging me with, how are you today, and then one day I just snapped and told her how I felt. We've been making small talk since, and then tonight she started going on about her marriage and I snapped and told her what my psych said last week (to end the friendship as she's being too self involved) and then she just said it's my call and she feels bad for relying on me, but refuses to get any help as she thinks she's cured over her husband of 17 years leaving 3 months ago. I just can't deal with her stuff and mine and now I basically feel worse for throwing my only friend out.