Life-long depression, coming off long-term high-dose medication ~

MW68 · ‎11-10-2018

I am 50 with pretty much a life-long history of chronic depression that went undiagnosed until around the early-'00s when I was prescribed medication. This was boosted to higher dosages over the years. I eventually decreased the dosage myself. Last year I knocked it back even lower, then started taking it every alternate day, then every 3rd, then early on this year I stopped completely. I did all this by myself without any medical supervision.

So I have been ~6 months or so free of any anti-depressant medication but I am still suffering real bad. Constant suicidal/death thoughts, constant bleak depressive moods, constant stress & anxiety, etc. I feel I am in a heaps worse place than I was when I first started on the damn things.

I guess I would like to hear from others in similar situations, who have withdrawn from long-term anti-depressant medication. After 6 months should I still be consumed by this mental turmoil?

Is it possible that long-term use of this pill has left me permanently damaged and I should just accept that this is the way I am from here on?

The very last thing I want is to go back onto it. If I did that, I would be hating myself. So it's a no-win situation, really.

I feel I am without any help whatsoever. I've been through GPs, counsellors, psychs, case workers. Sure, having someone to chat to helps a bit, but this crap isn't going away. I'm trying my hardest to shake this thing but I'm not getting anywhere. On bad days I am house-bound, unable to go to the shops or anything. It's almost like an altered state of consciousness.

I guess I am really desperate here, and just reaching out to see if anyone here is in a similar situation.

Do I have any legal recourse? I mean, if this medication has actually damaged me somehow, what are my options there?

blondguy · ‎11-10-2018

Hi MW68

Welcome to the forums and thankyou for being here with us too! (my apologies for you not receiving a response)

You are strong by reducing your own meds. I understand you as I have been on meds for 22 years and they are just a part of my life now...I am 58

There is no judgement here MW.....no lecturing etc.We arent into that...just providing the best support we can

Just a question if I can....How often did you have counseling?

I understand you MW as I was diagnosed agoraphobic in the mid 1980's and it was a crap place to be in

The meds are never a fix all (unfortunately) yet they do provide us with a sound foundation on which we can heal having super regular counseling.....Monthly is great......Fortnightly is better.....and Weekly is a huge healer when we are in a dark place

I feel your pain on this MW....The medication cant damage you...

you are not alone....I hope you can post back when its convenient for you...any questions or comments are welcome...this is my 35th year with mental illness.....ugh!

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

Kaywhyelleyeee · ‎30-04-2023

I'm glad I came about your question. I recently tried to cut down/go off my meds. I have been on medication for 18 years and was longing to know who I was without my medication. I had been working with a psychologist for a year fortnightly and felt I was in a really good place mentally to do this.

I only got down to halving my medication and I found myself feeling worse than ever. I was crying continuously, felt like I was in a black cloud most days. Nothing helped so I went back up to my normal dosage.

This has helped with the depression but my anxiety has returned worse than I have ever had before.

I am so disconnected from everyone around me, that all I feel like doing is sleeping. My way I look at everything has changed and I feel so worthless.

I don't know if I now need to change medications or go up.

I'm over feeling, thinking, talking about my depression. I feel like I'm a fake and I just don't want to be around people. I'm at the point where I don't even want to help myself. I just don't understand why it's so hard and why I can't get any relief from my thoughts.

I wonder too whether long term use of these medicines are harmful.

David35 · ‎30-04-2023

I used to think like you did many years ago, until I did what you did. And I was a mess. I wasn't feeling down because the drugs had some permanent effect on me. It was because my current circumstances were too much for me too handle all at once and I needed anti-depressants so that I could deal with one thing at a time. Once I got back on them, I was better. No one likes the stigma associated with being medicated, but it's much better than the alternative. I'll admit, taking too high a dosage can make you feel edgy too. I've recently reduced my dosage, but I've told my GP and mother to monitor my behaviour to ensure that I don't relapse into that dark place again. I'm 46, have been on them for about 17 years and will most likely, due to the nature of my head injury and depressive personality, rely on them for the rest of my life. There's no shame in that.