Layers of meh are starting to weigh me down

[Ellmo]

Lots of 'low-level' frustrations in my life are contributing to feelings of disgust, disappointment and sadness. I'll try to list briefly. And whilst these issues in isolation are managable to overcome, I feel that everywhere i turn i'n faced with them, which has me feeling overwhelmed & hopeless.

I had my first child 15mths ago. I've wanted another baby for almost a year. Hubby is beginning to agree that it's time for another baby, but doesn't seem enthusiastic about it, making me feel like i've beat him down. All my friends are trying too, so i feel pressure to compete (i have no idea why!) and also happy/sad feelings for my family & friends who have recently announced their pregnancies (4 close people around me). I wish it was us, yet I also have the feeling of cold feet & fear as we are finally getting more sleep (still deprived, but better) and I don't know what to do with my body.

I used to be a gym junkie (which kept the blues at bay), but I feel frustrated that I can't find motivation to go to the gym. My husband has been amazing & taken i er cooking, but makes unhealthy food, despite my constant comments & requests (selfish, right?!), but I hate cooking, so i have to eat it. I have tried to eat healthy but my husband doesn't, and i just don't have the strength or willpower to continue, which makes me feel weak. I hate myself because I eat junk; I eat junk because I hate myself. I've expressed this to hubby (in tears) several times & asked for help. He says yes, then in the next breathe suggests KFC for dinner the next night!

I miss feeling fit & strong & happier.

Lastly, work. I returned in July & hate my job. I constantly feel like I'm drowning, yet instead of working harder to get on top of it, I distract myself with internet & drinking coffees because I feel so overwhelmed. I've asked for help but been told to work it out. I need this job for financial reasons & to get maternity leave again.

I find myself struggling to keep my frustrations & feelings of shitfulness to myself. Hubby has noticed & gets angry back, despite me telling him all of the above. He basically warned me not to get fired then retreats every night to his man cave shed & i waste every night staring at the tv or phone by myself feeling trapped & frustrated.

I don't know how to solve these problems. Logically it's 'grow the hell up & deal with your shit. Stop slacking, get some willpower' But I don't know how to go from here to there (the way i used to be).

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Ellmo,

Thank you for posting and sharing what's going on for you.

It sounds like you're in a tough spot right now and that there's a lot on your plate.

The thing that stands out to me the most is at the end you said "grow the hell up and deal with your shit".

First of all, you are grown up so you don't need to grow up. Your frustrations are real and they aren't "low level". At the end of the day it doesn't matter how small the frustrations may seem, if they are affecting your mood and headspace then they deserve the attention that they need.

I think from reading your post it sounds like maybe a plan would be helpful - maybe try to set some goals so that you can feel a bit more strong and happier. What is the biggest priority for you right now? Is it to be exercising and eating better? Or to feel a bit more control and less like you're drowning at work?

It might help to have a look at where you feel the highest priority is, and what would make the most impact to your life. From there it could be about setting very small but achievable goals.

For example maybe that might look like meal-prep, so that you aren't caught out feeling lazy, or compromising on meals so if you usually have pasta but want to have vegetables so add vegetables to your pasta or use a tomato based sauce. Even what seems like tiny changes can still add up and make a world of difference in the long-haul.

Feel free to post back if you like.

[Sharny]

Hi Ellmo,

I'd love to tell you that even though you mention that these frustrations are 'low level' they are actually not! I think a combination of things in your life that are important for you are not being met at the moment as you say and these should not be viewed as lesser in any way. Lots of things can build up giving off the effect to overwhelm quite easily over time. May I mention, having a child 15 months earlier can be as you probably know already, incredibly life changing! When I say this I don't mean to state the obvious at all I mean, sometimes after having a child the common things we once took part in or had a routine for can be a little discarded just because new roles take place as parents.

I think Romantic thi3f has suggested a great idea of goal setting. Just as some areas have gone off track they could be built back up perhaps starting of smaller overtime and this might give you that feeling of achieving more over time. Meal planners are a wonderful way of tracking, give you a sense of order in purchasing for the next period of time and then control over what you are eating. You probably know all this so sorry if I'm stating the obvious. I've found over time if things have slipped a bit in life areas, that just mapping up one or two changes to achieve or focus on has helped enormously in giving back to my self of control over life and family.

Check in with us, these are not minor issues and are important to your quality of life and as a person. It's quite common for women to feel a little less organised after having children too, even people who are high functioning or had previously had control over careers etc.

All the best and please come back to talk it over should you wish.

Sharny x