knocked down again

[pawsy]

ive been doing pretty well since february when i came here in a very bad way. things have been more stable and more positive. but a mistake i made at work, not a very big one, but still .. and a phone call from the boss about the mistake, have knocked me off course again. im disappointed by how such a little thing can make me feel so low and hopeless. like things will never change for the better really. the most i can hope for is to get through the days somehow and keep finding something to pull me into tomorrow. so. at a time i had imagined id be getting stronger and more engaged in the world, here i am back in bed feeling like im made out of lead and the world outside my bedroom is hard and frightening and not made for me. bummer.

[Jamiebr]

Hi Pawsey,

I've been finding my way out of a depression that's been dogging me the past couple of years.

I can relate to feeling like I've been knocked down by incidents or situations that perhaps once I would have coped with better.

I was on a run of good days only recently when I had a meeting with clients where I really struggled to be the sharp, creative, ideas guy I used to be. I came home gutted and felt like those black clouds were yet again closing in.

Over the following 24 hours I really made an effort to just accept what had happened, accept that I may not be at my best at the moment but I'm getting better, and made an effort to talk to someone I trusted about my fear that my impaired mental abilities are permanent.

My next day wasn't so bad and I've been back on track since then. Not brilliant but better than I have been!

I like an old saying that "this too will pass". It's a great thing to remember when I don't feel so great. Sometimes I say it like a mantra!

i also use a free app called 'daylio' on my phone. Everyday it prompts me to enter in how I am feeling. It's a great way to track how I'm travelling. I see the dip there where I came home gutted and I also see I've had better days since.

Anyway don't be too hard on yourself for what happened at work and how you felt as a result. Try and be kind to yourself and I really hope for you that "this too will soon pass"!

Jamie

[pawsy]

Oh thanks Jamie. I find your words reassuring. Its nice to know someone else feels gutted with black clouds after a bad work event ... The feeling of being alone in my feelings makes it all seem even worse ...So, thanks very much for sharing your story. I like the idea of accepting ... if only i could make my feelings match up with my more rational thinking. Youre right, it will pass, and maybe soon. I will try hard next Tuesday, when i work next, to make some positive memories to replace the difficult thinking im having at the moment. I was just disappointed to come crashing down again. I guess it's understandable, and part of life. Even my boss was more kind of 'these things happen', than upset with me. But i feel so bad in myself. Anyway. i appreciate your message. a lot.

i hope you have a great weekend and thank you, from pawsy

[Guest_128]

Hey Passy,

I am just saying hello,

I am sad you have had a bummer time,

Yeah its not nice at all,

Thing is you know it will get better.

try doing something for you.

Dory

[demonblaster]

Pawsy Hi

First up Kudos, you've been doing so well since Feb.

I think as well great post btw Jamiebr to remember that you're capable and have been on the improve showing you're strength is growing, but the nature of the beast (depression) is to pull us down any opportunity, try not to let this avalanche as you'd know it's a master at doing

Keep remembering you are capable at your job and everyone has their down days. The more positive reinforcement you can put in place lessens the room for nagging negatives.

Cool that you spoke to someone about it too, helps shedding.
Also that the boss wasn't overly fazed. Good indication you're a valued worker.

Don't be too hard on yourself, that's the beast at it's best, you're stronger than that and proven you can get on top..

[pawsy]

Aw, you guys. You really are the best. It is beyond reassuring to hear from people who understand and dont panic (like some of my friends and family do if i get anxious), and just reading your words, Dory_, 'Thing is you know it will get better' & demonblaster, 'Don't be too hard on yourself, that's the beast at it's best' ... makes me feel stronger and calmer.

its as good as a visit to the shrink i tell ya. thank you so much, and wishing happy sundays for you today

hugs from pawsy

[demonblaster]

🙂 so glad you're feeling some relief here Pawsy, yeah it's a good place isn't it, good people hard times supporting eachother.

Thanks for coming back too 🙂

Hope it all starts looking up for you from here. Only good choice is back up aye

Tc

[Guest_128]

Thanks Pawsy,

It makes me happy that you can understand my words and it comforts you.

Dory😘

[Retchey]

Great post.