Hi Fazza75,
Thanks for reaching out. I'm sorry you're going through this. Having experience (and still managing) depression myself, I can empathise with you. It truly is tough - but you know what, you say you've struggled with depression and other mental health issues on and off your whole life. You know what that tells me? It tells me you're tougher. Because despite those difficult experiences you are here today, reaching out for help with confidence and hope and appreciation. And that is truly commendable.
Now if you don't mind me asking, can you point to a trigger for this bout of depression? If not, that's fine - some times it's completely out of the blue. But other times, it may be a particular environmental stressor, such as a stressful job or a family member who is worrying you, etc. I'm not a doctor, but I have read that even a cold may sometimes influence your mood and, if you take any, the effectiveness of your medication. (Note I'm not too sure but it is food for thought!)
If you can identify a trigger, it may be helpful to address that head on. However either way, whether or not you can identify a trigger, it is important to follow up with a mental health professional. Do you see a psychotherapist or GP? If you take any medications, perhaps also discussing this situation with your psychiatrist might be helpful, especially if it's been happening for a while, as sometimes they may alter medications if you are taking any. Is there anyone you can see you soon? Can't recommend seeing a professional highly enough.
Also, have you got family and friends who may be able to help you? You said when you are depressed you tend to do really reckless things (can totally relate with you on that one!). In that situation, it might be helpful to let family and friends know so they can help you stay safe and recognise if you are doing things that may harm you. Should you need it (hopefully not), keep the beyondblue helpline number on your phone and lifeline 13 11 14.
In short though, please don't ever feel guilty for the things you do due to illness, and never, ever give up. The nature of mental illness is that often it keeps coming back, but recovery IS possible. It's about recognising symptoms earlier every time, and managing them better, which your post proves that you are doing.
Stay safe, keep in touch here, and wish you all the best.
Again, sorry you are going through this.
With love,
Josette xx
