Keep on making the same mistakes over and over and over again..........

[Law007]

Hi all, I posted on here few years ago, life really does go
Full circle. Last time I was fresh out of prison in rehab for
Ice, was going great guns got clean and began to chase a
Career surveying. Nearly finished my cert 4 but stress
Of heavy court case and rehab stress, I pulled out 2 weeks
Before finishing a whole year of hard work. I relapsed
And started shooting up. I finished rehab and court and eventually
Got clean on my own. I haven't worked in 8 months not due
To covid. I got made reduntent relocated to another state and was living
In my car, my car blew up no insurance and had to go back
Home. On way home I had a breakdown and smashed a
Train up eventually got charged but I'm finished with
Court now. 3 months ago I was passenger in serious car crash
(Lucky) to be alive. I relapsed after the crash and got
Convicted for refuse roadside drug test. I've just lost my
Licence for another 2 years, and I just can't let it go

I've been here before over and over, but I just can't let it
Go, the strange thing is I was homeless past 6 months
Got a nice place to rent as an independent adult for the first
Time then I chose to drug drive and stuff it all up. My mind is
Racing so much ive been clean at least 2 months, but
I'm starting to feel too much, I can feel my life's stuffups
In my soul. I just feel like I'm too far gone mentally,
just watching myself and looking at photos of me in
The good days I don't recognise myself. My own voice
Just keeps laughing at me and keeps saying HOW MANY
TIMES DO YOU KEEP STUFFING UP AND NOT MAKE
ADJUSTMENTS? I don't know when the message will
Sink in.

Honest, Ive been having a premonition something
Bad is going to happen, everything has gotten real dark
Since the car accident and I don't have any friends at
All, no family, but then I remembered you guys, I
Love you guys ❤️ god bless you and the work you d

He who truly believes shall have the gift of eternal life

Pray for me I really need it, sending out my prayers
And love to all struggling love

[Sophie_M]

Hey Law007, welcome back to our friendly online community, we are so glad you decided to join us here. It sounds like things have been tough for you lately and you’re trying hard to make changers. We're sure that a lot of our community members will relate to these feelings you are experiencing and hopefully some of them will pop by to offer you words of wisdom and kindness.
Stay in touch.
 

[therising]

Hi Law007

Wow, you've been through a lot, which is an understatement. So glad inspiration led you back here.

Personally, I find inspiration to be a quirky thing. What comes to mind has to be interpreted carefully. For example, when inspiration speaks to you, it may be saying 'How many times do you keep stuffing up and not make adjustments?' If you were to see this as a valid question, in the way of your progress, and not a judgement or criticism, what adjustments do you believe you need to make, in order to make a difference? Maybe inspiration speaks to you at other times, when it comes to making a difference. Could sound a little like 'Do not go and see those people (who supply you with drugs)!!!' or 'You need to go and talk to _____' (the person who'd make the difference in that moment). Ignoring inspiration definitely has a down side.

You mention 'My mind is racing so much I've been clean at least 2 months, but I'm starting to feel too much, I can feel my life's stuffups in my soul'. I believe the only way we can feel truly inspired by our progress is by reflecting on how far we've come, beyond our questionable behaviour, which does include focusing on that behaviour. Law007, what did you do every time you 'stuffed up'? You rose to the challenge and reformed yourself. So, you could say 'I am someone who has constantly risen to this challenge. I am someone who is struggling to master reformation, yet I persist in gaining such mastery'. Self mastery can be a tough road to navigate. While we can come across moments of absolute joy and incredible revelation, it's a road that is also going to challenge us to reform in a variety of seriously tough ways. I believe he/she who seeks self mastery and a greater understanding of their connection to life will reform constantly. How incredibly boring it would be to stop reforming and exist in sameness once we hit 50.

While inspiration may say to you 'You stuff up', you may not be hearing the whole message; it may actually be 'You stuff up and always find the strength and determination to reform yourself'. In truth, you are a powerful person.

While the tiny challenges may change us in seemingly insignificant ways, it is the enormous ones that raise us to meet with who we naturally are'. Courageous, determined, strong, the seeker of difference and greater self understanding are just a handful of things that come to mind when it comes to who you naturally are.

Sending love your way too 🙂