Just started taking a new antidepressant and its making me feel worse.

[Joy1]

Hi, I am new to this forum and new to depression. I was recently diagnosed with depression. It has been an extremely confusing journey for me, I didn't and still don't know if I am depressed or just a horrible person. To most I am bubbly and happy and I have no idea how I got to this point, I am booked in to see my GP about my care plan and seek counselling to get to the bottom of it. In the past I have tried with counsellors but flake out after a few sessions as I felt like it wasn't helping me, but I guess that's probably part of my problem. I noticed a change in my moods and tirdeness about 2 years ago and was diagnosed with Hashimoto's (slow thyroid) with no other usual symptoms other than being exhausted all the time. About 2-3 weeks ago I was referred to a psychiatrist and prescribed an antidepressant. Since starting the medication (yes I am aware of the side effects that may make you feel worse) I have spiralled completely. I have one good day to two really awful days. I mostly snap irrationally and rage at very small decisions or something my partner has asked, which I don't usually do to this extent and I can't calm myself down. I take it out on my partner and scream at him that I hate him and I don't care about him or the kids, which is a complete lie. He can't take it anymore and has taken me to hospital twice this week. He is sick of me and I know this is taking its toll on his wellbeing. What's worse is that I cannot explain to him or apologise afterwards and my 'sorrys' are falling on dead ears and are never good enough, I don't blame him though. He filmed me raging out and having a breakdown which set me off completely but he said its for his own safety and to show me later on how bad I really am. I haven't been physical but I have been breaking things. I can't see me getting better and I feel like I am about to lose everything. Has anyone experienced anything like this and how did you push through? Thank you.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Joy1,

Wishing you a warm welcome to the forums. It takes a lot of courage to be so open and honest with your feelings, and we are so glad that you have reached out here tonight. We can hear how overwhelmed that you're feeling at the moment, but please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space and our community is here to support you through this difficult time.

If you feel up to it, we'd really encourage you to reach out to our Beyond Blue Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings and medication concerns with you, and can offer you some support and advice to help you through this.

We hope that you keep checking in to let us know how you're going, whenever you feel up to it. 
 

[Croix]

Dear Joy1~

Welcome here. Yes taking a new A/D can cause unexpected side effects, and that is why they are done under the close supervision of a doctor or psychiatrist. Depression can be confusing enough all by itself and it needs an experienced professional to sort things out, particularly as the depression is possibly caused by another factor, Hashimoto's disease (I am not a doctor and not qualified to give any sort of opinion on that)

From the sound of it your reactions are extreme and need to be looked at by your professionals right now. I have had umpteen changes of medication over many years for depression and other illnesses until more recently I found one that suited. None of my reactions were in the same league as yours, mild anger, feeling more depressed, mild euphoria, tiredness and an inability to concentrate have been my experiences. They are by no means violent or extreme.

Perhaps showing that video to your doctor may underline the seriousness of the reaction. I'd suggest not waiting but seeing someone now, even another doctor if yours is booked out. I'd also be cautious about changing the dosage without advice.

I'm afraid I'm unsure what to say about the 2 visits to hospital, I would have thought they would have gone though the matter with you thoroughly then.

Frankly I'd leave trying to explain and make up with your husband as a second priority, mainly because when you are on this medication he may be fearful of another episode. you have apologized, he knows the circumstances. More closeness can hopefully come when this matter is resolved.

Please let us know how you get on

Croix

[therising]

Hi Joy1

I feel for you so very much as you face not just physical challenges (relating to your thyroid) but also the mental challenges that have cropped up for you.

Wondering if anyone has led you to explore how to deal with the energy factor of Hashimoto's. The energy factor can possibly lead to a lot of downs or lows:

• Lower levels of the chemistry needed to function at optimal levels mentally and physically. A slow down regarding metabolism
• Feeling down about a lack of ability to undertake certain activities because the energy isn't there (leading to low self-esteem)
• Feeling down regarding the inability of others to raise you to new ways of approaching life. This could involve a lack of patience and/or understanding from others. This factor is definitely not going to lead your mind and body to excitement

Wondering if you've done research on natural aids to help with the energy factor. Might pay to perhaps Google 'Dealing with the energy of Hashimoto's'. If it gets you interested, you might decide to speak to your doctor about trialing this approach and coming off the anti-depressants which are obviously impacting you. With some anti-depressants, it can be a mattering of tolerating the side effects until the chemistry begins to shift in positive ways. If the side-effects are intolerable though, you'd want to be considering whether you really want to ride them out. Sounds like this is what you are considering at the moment.

Might also pay to get onto a Hashimoto's support group, with people who are mastering or have mastered the challenges of this condition. I imagine they'd have a lot of great tips and tricks and would have some stories that may sound pretty familiar to you, including the anti-depressant journey. There might even be a few laughs in there, regarding those stories. You might find people who have completely reformed their life to accommodate the challenging shifts in mind, body and spirit. Such a significant reformation may have led some to proclaim 'I'm actually living healthier and more thoughtfully than I ever have before'.

You definitely face a challenging journey. I imagine it will be one of great experimentation and enlightenment. I wish you well. Don't beat yourself up too much as you're trying to navigate your way through such a challenge. If you can trust your husband to help you navigate thoughtfully and positively this is a bonus. At the moment, it sounds like he's trying to show you what's not working (the meds).

🙂