Just not good enough

needabetterlife · ‎09-01-2015

Hi all. I' ve suffered from 'diagnosed' anxiety for the last 8 years. I say 'diagnosed' because I really don't understand where it came from. Lately i've felt that I'm simply not good enough for my family to go on. I have one child who is 16 years old and have not been able to have another child since. That is my first failure.....not being able to give my husband of 18 years another child. We declared bankruptcy 7 years ago and whilst we both have high paying jobs, our means became more than what we could maintain. Our friendship group consists of very wealthy people, of which we are now not so much. I feel we have been ripped off in life by not having what our friends have. We rent a house, because there is no way we could save for a deposit to buy our own home. My father was an alcoholic who passed away 6 years ago at the tender age of 55. I feel i am heading down the same track, just to cope with every day life.Life has slapped me in the face as a 38 year old adult, I am struggling to see a way out and simply wonder if my boys are better off without me......I've been drinking alcohol way too frequently simply to deal with my own demons. I am also a smoker, which my husband and son hate. I wonder if i continue to do that simply to shorten my life. Sorry if this sounds way too much, but my life basically feels like it is in a downward spiral and I'm simply at a crossroad right now...............

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geoff · ‎09-01-2015

dear Needabetterlife, I wish I could welcome you under much better circumstances, but it seems as though it's far from this, even still I am so pleased that you have contacted us.

From what you have said there are reasons why you have got anxiety, and you have mentioned them all, and perhaps there are other problems which can be linked to these as well.

By declaring yourself bankrupt 7 years ago would mean that your time of expulsion would now begin, but it's not a problem that will go away, which means you chances of obtaining money through an institution are still limited, so this would be a great concern to you.

Many times people self medicate with using alcohol, and I was no different, now in hindsight I know it's flaws, but back then I had no other way of handling my depression.

Your situation in life has turned itself upside down, where I have know a couple of people who have been in exactly the same position as you are in now, but they have managed to get back on track, but you need help to do this, because you can't do it by yourself.

I know that the alcohol blanks out all those awful feelings, but how can anyone tell if they drink themselves silly and smokes like a chimney if and when it will shorten our lives, and you have a husband and a son who would be worried about you.

We now have to look after your well being as well, and this would mean that you go and see your doctor, because not only do you have anxiety but depression will soon follow, however anxiety does come under the category of depression, but then it takes over.

Would love to hear back from you. L Geoff. x

white knight · ‎09-01-2015

Hi needabetterlife, welcome also here

Geoff has passed on his experience to you in fields he knows a lot about.

I'm 58yo. At 40yo my marriage split, 2 young kids. Into a 3 metres long caravan. Grief in abundance mainly losing my full time fatherhood. No money as we relied on my one full time shift work job, mowing lawns and building cubby houses. She stayed at home and did zero.

My first realisation was to find another direction.So I purchased a block of land in a small town. Then my marriage settlement was a large garage that needed to be dismantled. Once on that land I got the bank to value the land and garage. Suddenly I had $15,000 equity. I used that to secure a small mortgage for a kit home and built it myself. I was back on track. Now I'm retired (forced due to illness) and comfortable.

I know you've heard all the reasons from others why to give up smoking. My only concern is the cost. I had a friend a few years ago that ran an old Ford. He could pay off a BMW for what he spent on fags. It will be really hard for you to give them up but I see another positive. Sit down with hubby. Say you want to turn smoking into a positive. That if you were to give it up, with his support, then other changes can be made financially for you both to get back on track in a couple of short years.

You are also used to a certain lifestyle. It is hard to be made to give up such a way of life and lose much of what you have built up. But think of the feeling of having rebounded in a positive way. I often tell my kids "I made it, I got my home back, I succeeded" and "girls- under no circumstances ever give up...never never never"

Years later when they became adults they would repeat that phrase when I asked them if they got that job they applied for "no dad, but I'll never give up"

Positivity is contagious. And it starts with you.

Tony WK