Just need someone to listen, without judgement or advise

[CW]

Hi there

About 5 years ago I was getting treatment for depression/anxiety, and managed to get out of it. After 5 years of being happy and motivated, I think I'm back there, but in a different way. I know all the signs/symptoms, and have been trying to manage it myself for the past 6 months, but I need to be honest in saying I need help. I don't think I need help with my way of thinking or behaviour, I think its more about stress this time. I've started tearing up at little things, staying up far too late (6 hours sleep a night), and developed a strange happen of chewing the inside of my bottom lip, which I've never done before.

To explain my stress at the moment:

• I changed jobs 6 months ago to a much stricter, less fun job where I have no friends still
• My mum has been going through some kind of dissasociative disorder where she thinks she's not still married to my dad (it seemed to have happen overnight), and it's been tough on everyone
• I got engaged to my partner 3 months ago, and wedding planning has been intense
• I'm studying online which is hopefully finishing in a months time
• I rent with my older brother who drinks a lot and never helps with the housework
• I have no savings for a house, but my fiancee does. I feel extremely guilty
• Girlfriend issues (sex has been reduced to once or twice a month, lack of quality time spent together).

I think because of these factors and my struggle to deal with them, I've torn away from my friends, ​stopped exercising (I used to run alot, but now can't find any motivation to do it), and pretty much lost all motivation for life and having fun. I talk to myself in a really condescending way, telling people and myself that my life is boring and done, meaning it is what it is and there's nothing I can do now. I speak like I had my chance in life, and this is all I have left.

I feel like I don't need advice or lectures, just someone to hear me pour it all out. I'm constantly trying to fix things and make my life better, but this underlying stress seems to remain no matter what I try. And I know what I should be doing (going to sleep on time, exercising, get more sun, etc), but I can't seem to do these things. I tell myself that when my study ends, things will get better, but something deeper down is telling me they won't.

Not sure what I'm asking for here, just putting it out there to the universe I guess. Will probably have to seek professional help, I just wished I could have fixed this on my own.

[Guest_1055]

Hello CW

May I say Welcome to Beyond Blue. You can vent here all you like actually. Sometimes it helps just to get it out. And it does sound like you are going through a lot there. Gosh! You can post more if you want. I am willing to be a sound board.

Kindness to you

Shell xx

[Clues_Of_Blue]

No judgement here, CW. I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I can see why you're stressed, and I know exactly what it's like to always be working to better things and it seems like you're getting nowhere or there's always something else. That's certainly my experience of life. Some days you don't want to be told it will be okay, or you need to do X, Y and Z. You just need to get it out of your system and not have it going around in circles in your head. You're more than welcome to vent here as much as you need to.

[Paul]

Hey CW

Thanks for jumping on here and sharing your burden. I hope it helps to have some of it written down. I find that helps me when I'm feeling like crap.

We're a pretty non judgemental species in here. so please feel free to write more. I'm sure some of us can relate to many of the things that are troubling, even the difficult things that generate guilt.

Paul

[blondguy]

Hello CW

I can feel your pain. You are more than welcome to post as many times as you wish

Just my Kind Thoughts

Paul

[Neil_1]

Hi CW,

As others have said, it can be quite helpful to actually just get things out of the mind and down on paper. When you do this, sometimes you then go back and think, “Oh yeah, I’ve got this other thing to add” and so you insert some more.

If you look at it again in a week’s time, you might be able to tick off one or two items – that you’ve either completed or they are not as bothersome to you as they were.

I know you’ve written that you don’t require advice or lectures – well on this site, no-one lectures at all. However, when asked for, advice is forthcoming and with so many different people here, all advice is not necessarily the same. This can have good advantages, because you can compile a list of things posted; some may suit, some may not – but it’s open to you to then choose (or not) things that have been posted to you.

One thing before I go, that I feel I would like to mention is that you were getting treatment for depression/anxiety some 5 years ago and you managed to get out of it.

You feel it is back now, but at this point, it seems like you haven’t secured any methods for trying to deal with this – perhaps just something to think on.

Oh and if you feel like venting more or simply, just posting more, please do – we’re here to listen (well, actually that’s a small fib – we’re here to read).

Neil

[Leya22]

Oh CW, I hope you come back to this thread!

I can relate so much to what you are saying, especially about not wanting advice, I can read in your post that you know exactly why you are stressed and overwhelmed, you also know exactly what keeps you well and that you have let a few of those thing slip. I hear you buddy! I don't need or want people telling me what to do either, don't tell me to meditate and eat acai berry smoothies, or write a song about your feelings*. We are not idiots, we are depressed but we can still poke you in the eye for being a douce with stupid advice, haha.

Leya x

*Disclaimer*. . . I do find meditation helpful, also a good diet and writing down feelings helps, but I will not force what works for me on others, we all need to find our own way.

[pipsy]

Hi CW. None of us ever advise or lecture. All we do is listen, guide (if possible). Sometimes we try to offer ideas about what worked for us. If the person posting tries some of our ideas and they work, that's great. If you just want to vent, that's what we're here for. Whatever helps you, that's great to know too. I've found writing here, reading other posts has been fabulous. Sometimes when we can't visualize past the 'trees' in our life, it's great when someone else can. Look after yourself, we're here, if and when you need us.

Lynda.