It's back

[Chicken_Wings]

I haven't been on the site for a while. I've been working on myself and trying to be better, but the last couple of days I've gone backwards.

there was about a week where I can say I was genuinely happy, I was blissfully unaware of depression or anxiety. I was eating and sleeping well, I was interested in things and people. But all it took was one conversation for these feelings to begin to come back. Gradually my feelings towards myself have gotten worse again and now I'm starting to feel these anxious feelings returning too. It's been happening slowing and I've been trying to curb it.

Lately I've been becoming more and more critical of my appearance. I'm also worrying more and more about my health. I tell myself I'm going to do things to make my lifestyle more healthy, but I can't force myself to actually do them.

I feel like there is an answer somewhere to how to be happy with myself. Other people seem to be happy. Other people seem to be able to accept aging or the changes in life. i feel like I'm peddling the wheels but I'm not getting anywhere.

[Guest_1055]

Oh CW......

I just saw your familiar name. I am unable to give advice or anything though, as I am struggling myself. But I just wanted to give you a huge hug.

Much love to you dear CW

Shelley xx

[Guest_5218]

Chicken Wings ....................... Gosh what can I say?

I would say "Welcome back", but that would probably be the wrong because of the circumstances under which you have returned.

So I will just say that I have genuinely missed you. All your old friends here think of you, and we've often wondered how you've been getting along. 

I dont recall now CW, had you been seeing a psychologist in the past?  Or currently?  If you havent, or aren't, then perhaps now would be a good time to arrange to see one.  Just to discuss how you're feeling right now and to try to work out what may be triggering these feelings and insecurities.

Also of interest, with you being a Kiwi and all, I heard only in the last month or so that it will become easier for Kiwi's to become Aussies soon.  Have you looked into that yet?  

If you feel like a bit of lighter relief, there are a couple of new "Keeping Well" threads here since you left.  You may like to check them out.  Shelley's "Walking" thread, and my new "Pet" thread.  I'd love to hear about how your 2 little doggies are going - Harley and ? sorry I've forgotten the name of your second fellow.

I hope someone else is able to respond further to your thread CW, with some more helpful advice for you than what I've been able to offer.

That aside, its great to see you again.........

Hugs,

Sherie xx

[White_Rose]

Hello CW

I do welcome you back because you know where to come when life gets tough. . I am so sorry you are having a bad time, especially since you know how good life can be.

One of the attributes of the Black Dog is its sneaky way of getting back into your life. And so quietly and slowly. Cunning little devil.

Accepting you have depression is very hard. I have battled this same problem for the past 15 years and I am only lately accepting I need to live with it and make it my friend. It's hateful and horrible.

You are going down the right road. It may not feel like it ATM, but you have decided to change your lifestyle. Deciding and doing are not the same thing. It's a bit like dieting. Wanting to lose and deciding to eat less is one side of the equation. Actually doing it is something else. So believe you have advanced one step.

how are you going to change your lifestyle? Don't think in terms of being less anxious, not getting upset when things go amiss etc. What actual physical changes are you going to make?

My reasoning goes like this. Concentrating on things we don't do well, trying to stop worrying etc. simply keeps them in the forefront of your mind. "Oh no, I can't stop worrying." leads to "Oh no, I am a failure." So leave them alone for a while and look at those activities that you can do with far less effort, but will bring far greater rewards, if only because you actually do them.

Small steps to start with. Exercise? That's not my thing at all and ATM I have good excuse because I had some surgery on my hip a few weeks ago. The physio says no exercise class for a couple more weeks. Yeeaay! However, I do have leg exercises. Boo! So why am I doing these exercises? Because I don't want to walk with a stick for the rest of my life.

What else do you think will be good for you? Writing your life story? Keeping in touch with your friends and going to the cinema or for coffee? Crafts? Joining a club? Look I have no idea what you find enjoyable but find one thing. Only one thing and do it. And do it because it is enjoyable and you have fun. Relate it to my walking stick and say I want to have fun, I don't want to be miserable (use a walking stick) for the rest of my life. So exercise the fun muscle until it becomes easy to walk without a stick.

Is it going to be easy? Depends. Trying to carry stuff and use a stick is hard and clumsy. So I do my exercises and soon the stick will go. So decide on your one thing and do it without a stick. That's a great reward.

Mary

[Chicken_Wings]

Thanks for your replies everyone. As much as I don't want to depend on anything, it's nice to know this community is here for me if I need it.

I had been seeing a psych before my trip away, I'm seeing my GP tomorrow so I will probably ask to start a new mental health plan so that I can see the psych again without it costing so much.

Im trying to work on doing more outside the house at the moment. Other than going to work that is. I'm meant to be going to a quiz night tomorrow. 

I'm in somewhat of a familiar pattern at the moment where my anxiety and depression are worst in the morning. I'm also a little worried about my new found obsession with my appearance and hope it's not something new developing.

Ive been making an effort to be more healthy. I've actually been doing that for a little while. I fell off the wagon a bit when I started feeling really good, but I'm back at it now.

i wonder if my laxness was because I was feeling so much better as a result of being healthy? 

I can say with certainty that I am not nearly as bad as I was before Christmas. 

[Bluey_moon]

Aw chicken wings,

ive missed you!! I am so happy you had been having such a great time, but sad that you are struggling again. 

When you say you are struggling with your appearance, what is it about your appearance? If you don't mind me asking? 

I think a new mental health plan is a good idea! 

My love to you hon

[Sowtey]

Hi Chicken Wings This is only my second post on here but I could identify with some things you said. Yes it does seem to lift as the day goes on. I'm sure there's a reason but I'm not sure why, just grateful that it does! When I feel good I tend to get a bit slack about exercise, whereas when I'm feeling down I make myself exercise regularly!! On reading the replies to your post the genuine care and concern for you was obvious, which I found very touching. I don't have any great tips for you, but I genuinely hope you are feeling brighter very soon. All the best!

[Guest_5218]

Hi CW, just checking in with you to say hi.  I hope you are having a nice Easter break?

How are your dogs going - Hadley and ??  forgotten your second fellows name.

Its 10 days since you last posted and I have been thinking of you since then.  I note that you were planning on seeing your GP last we heard from you.  At which you were hoping to organise a new MHC Plan in order to start seeing your psych again.  How did that go?

And how about your health kick, is that still going okay - the exercise and healthy eating?  It is a little easy to fall into bad habits as we become a little blase' if we start to feel a little better.  Then we are often brought back to earth with a thud.   ( - :

I guess that the good news is that you are not as bad as you were prior to Christmas.  So keep doing what works for you, and start visiting your psych again if that has helped in the past.  Good move there, very sensible.

Is work going okay for you?  I guess now that its cooler at last, you can start doing more things outside, and I think that usually helps you doesnt it?

I do look forward to hearing further from you CW.

Take care wont you.  And a Happy Easter to you.

Sherie xx

[Guest_5218]

Hello there Skye.  I havent seen you in the Cafe since your new profile pic came out.  So I hadnt seen it until I saw your post here.  Good one.  Is this of you?  You are getting brave, if thats the case.  Good on you.

Sherie xx

[Bluey_moon]

Hey Sherie, 

Yep it was me. Brave, don't know. I hope not silly. 

Skye