It can't be as bad as it seems?!?

Unsubscribed · ‎18-04-2015

I can barely even figure out where to begin, on the outside it seems as though I have my life together, on the inside I'm breaking.

I work 2 jobs and study at tafe full time, I also am a mum to a beautiful 18month old and have a partner that I've been with for 12 years, I'm 31 years old .

Seems as though I should be living the dream, I think wow, there are so many others probably doing the same thing and worrying about the same thing, why does my issue matter and affect me the way it does?!?!

i work long hours and am trying to better myself for my child so I can get a steady job instead of night shift, why the hell is it so hard for my partner to do the frickin dishes or at least tell me I'm still beautiful when I'm still wearing my pyjamas at 3 in the afternoon???

and that's just the tip of the iceberg, I've put so much stress on myself to pass this course and I'm only in the 2nd semester!!!

i just....I can't even explain everything that's there, I've written it down, I've spoken to my partner, family and friends and still can't get past this feeling of hopelessness and wanting to run away but stay close at the same time, it's breaking me from the inside!

Neil_1 · ‎20-04-2015

Dear unsubscribed

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you so much for coming here and providing your post.

You commented “Living the dream” … and I’ve heard that said a number of times along my journey … but I could comment back to you, that yours doesn’t quite sound like living the dream – working two jobs, studying full time and having an 18 month old at home and obviously still being the main stay at home when it comes to house duties; that to me “isn’t” living the dream.

And as you’ve mentioned that is just the tip of the iceberg and I believe that’s the case for so many of us – we’ve got our ‘bigger’ things or issues but then there’s a whole stack of others that also go into making the marvellous and debilitating disease that is depression or any kind of mental illness.

I’m really pleased you’ve chosen to come to Beyond Blue and to unload – even by just doing that, in a lot of cases, it can be beneficial to people.

But I think there’s more to your situation than you just unloading. I honestly think with the load you’ve put upon yourself, something could very well buckle or break in the near future if things aren’t changed around a bit. That candle of yours is being burnt at both ends, I’m just wondering if there’s any way of snuffing out one end of it?

Have you been to your GP to get just a regular kind of check up? That could be useful with just seeing how you’re travelling at the moment? I ask this, as you’ve clearly been proactive before in writing things down, and talking to your partner and family/friends, but it appeared that none of that helped too much; so by seeing a GP, it might help to get some professional insight/opinion/suggestions as well?

I do hope you can come back and post again.

Kind regards

Neil

Vegetarian Marshmallow · ‎04-05-2015

The good news is that it's *only* as bad as it seems. With all that busyness, do you have any regular activity in your life that re-energises you? Something where, when you're finished and you realise you have to go back to the daily grind and change poopy nappies and eat cardboard-tasting things for dinner for another week, you feel like "Hah! Okay, yes, I can do this! I can deal with this other BS I have to do. It's not gonna be fun, but I can do it.". For some people it's the community choir, for some people it's meditation, for some people it's painting, for some it's playing board games with friends. Having something like that to regularly refill your batteries is important.

Unsubscribed · ‎14-05-2015

Hi Neil,

thank you for your response, it's taken me ages to get back to you, life has been going very much in the same vein, but I am feeling better about it, after a good d & m with my partner we've worked a few things out around the house this has eased my load a bit, it's still tough with the different hours we work and commitments we have but so far so good. I can't thank you enough just for being there as an ear and a vent board.

in saying all this I still occasionally find it hard to get out of bed or even have the motivation to just do what needs to be done . But baby steps and I'm getting there.

thank you again 😊

Unsubscribed · ‎14-05-2015

Hi Odin,

thank you for your reply, it's appreciated.

I did have personal training as my thing but money is tight and we could no longer afford that for me, so no I don't really have anything that's for me. Unfortunately or fortunately I really try to focus on me having a family as the thing I do and my tafe course which in turn is so I can better life for my family. I know money isn't everything but we still need to pay the bills.

as for board games or friends....I would love to, but the erratic hours that are worked between my partner and I makes it near impossible for such things.

I have many dreams for craft or painting or even meditating but I am at the stage that I feel as though that is time wasted when I could be preparing dinner or cleaning the house or better yet studying.

i don't mean to poo poo on your post as it is appreciated and I would give the same advice to my friends, thank you Odin 😊

Vegetarian Marshmallow · ‎15-05-2015

I'd count money and schedules as real obstacles, but the "time wasted" thing is an illusion, I think. Meditating can be done for 10 minutes before getting out of bed in the morning. I think out-of-bounds "you time" pays dividends in zest to the "should be doing"s. Of course, everything in moderation - you don't want to get stuck somewhere inside your large intestine, where you can't hear your (metaphorical) house burning down because of the soothing "scritch scratch scritch" penstroke lullaby of your new screenplay. But a modicum of space to exist as just yourself is necessary, lest you wake one day to find you have become a "Fisher & Paykel Studytron 2000 (TM), with Dish Glamourising Function (R)".

Also, when doing housework, it should be the law to put some music on and dance around while you do it.

geoff · ‎15-05-2015

dear Unsubscribed, well the replies you have received have been excellent, and it's no wonder it's taken you so long to get back to them because of the massive workload, and this includes your study.

I can't add any more than what has been said, but you must have a passionate partner who loves you to bits.

Is it possible that all of this will ease up, well yes, eventually it will, and I wish you all the very best, but please this site is open 24 hours and would love to hear from you. L Geoff. x

Neil_1 · ‎15-05-2015

Hi there Unsubscribed

That was so great to read that your d & m with your partner produced results, and positive ones at that. I really hope that at least that situation can then keep on the track of where you both made adjustments to ease the load a bit – my thought on this would be to kind of monitor it, just to make sure that there are no weakenings of changes made, where it might slip back into the old ways.

Also, thanx so much for coming back and responding and as Geoff said, it’s no wonder it took you a little time, because of how incredibly busy your schedule is.

Please please keep doing things to look after your own personal health and wellbeing as well – that is so incredibly important.

And as always, would love to hear back from you whenever you get the opportunity.

Neil