Self-love and not relying on other people for happiness.

[BenD]

Hi all,

 I recently shared an intimate moment with a person that I've known for quite a while. We both agreed that we wish we were 30 rather than mid 20's because there are still things that we wish to do while "unattached". I like her a lot and she likes me a lot. What really gets me is that I've been feeling those darn chemicals over the last few days that make me long for this persons company, even though I've survived long enough happily being friends. It's quite emotionally taxing.

I feel like I am half the person that I normally am, and that she completes the whole. Which is totally different to how I felt as recently as a few weeks ago. The rational person in me thinks those feelings are related to an underlying sense of low self-esteem. Of a longing to feel appreciated by someone else, because I don't appreciate myself enough.

Can anyone relate to that, as confusing as it sounds?

Ben

[geoff]

dear Ben, well you must be someone that none of us want to be older, although when I was younger I could have felt this way, but that was such a long time ago and now I wish I was 20 years younger,

You're in love, so wouldn't this put you on 'cloud 9', and now the relationship has now turned into lovers, but you can still be 'friends' though by doing what you want to do, but she may want to join you, and like wise with her and what she wants to do, except shopping for shoes, sorry .J

As this relationship deepens then she will give you satisfaction that will improve your self-esteem.

Ah to be in love again. Geoff.

[Endless_potential]

Hello Ben,

Love is more then a phase its so many emotions rolled into one. I suggest take the journey see how it goes for love is a friendship, a commitment, a pain in the bum, lots of wondering why you want this and now you don't but you do want some of it....

Love is life always changing and showing us how much we do not know and how much we can feel at the same time. Loving or wanting to be with someone doesn't alway mean you want to lean on them, to me its something that's in  all our hearts. Once you do take the steps to be with someone then its all about talking, respecting each others words and feeling, and letting what decisions you come to either be what you do, until and if your next conflict or decision needs to be made. Communication constantly followed by action is the major key to love and relationships all around.

Be well

[Neil_1]

Hi there Ben

And welcome to Beyond Blue and thanx for posting.

I’ve already noted you’ve had two good responses, both I believe pointing to the one direction (no band pun meant there either), which is exactly where I would be pointing you too as well.

Key points here:  “I like her a lot and she likes me a lot” – it perhaps is even more than that, especially with how you write about your feelings subsequent to your intimate moment.  Oh boy, that takes me back – I luuuurrvvvvved those intimate moment times – ahhhh memories.  Sorry slight digression, but it does bring back wonderful memories.  Now do you see what I’m saying here, though I’m slightly digressing, I’m also telling you that what you’ve got at your fingertips is something that has the potential to be very special and to create life-long memories, but perhaps even more.

Mid-20’s or to be in your 30’s – that should not be a stumbling block.   If the feelings, love and affection is there, then age will not be a concern and I can also see that perhaps it’s not so much the age, but it’s more because of what you feel you need to do.

Now none of us on here need to know what these things are – but if it’s to become a Gene Simmons kind of lothario and try and take on as many females as you possibly can before the age of 30, then perhaps you’re right – it might not be a good thing to get together.  I’m suspecting this isn’t part of your bucket list though.   What it may well be is that you feel like you want to travel and experience overseas destinations, perhaps?   Now if it’s that, then Ben, what better way to encounter both overseas sights while building and ramping up what could be a very special relationship?

Hope I haven’t been too forward here.

Neil

Ps:  and as Geoff says, if it’s shoe shopping that she may wish to do, then perhaps that could be the arve you go to the footy or the races! 🙂

[BenD]

Wow, overwhelmed by the response. I think I'm going to go with the flow and let whatever happens, happen.

Thankyou very much 🙂