Is there any point seeking professional help?

[2L85iblSXm]

There is no depression amongst remote uncontacted peoples, nor is there amongst wild animals. Put a lion in a cage at the zoo, though, and he'll exhibit signs of anxiety. Put a sow (pig) in a farrowing crate and she'll experience a level of depression few here can imagine.

That's what happens when you put an animal in an unnatural environment. We're animals too and civilization is not our natural environment. Our cage is bigger, but it's there for anyone who knows what to look for.

I'm sick of it. No matter what I do, that cage will always be there. The masses will pretend it's not. I will remain miserable because freedom is dead. Forever.

It's a morbid system that demands we toil our lives away just for the scraps it takes to maintain existence. It's not worth the effort. Never will be.

I am unemployed. My unpopular perception of reality is causing tension between myself and my JobActive provider. The pressure is on now that I'm on stream C. I just know they're going to coerce me into using unethical means to apply for unethical jobs. That corrupt work for the dole scam is just around the corner too. I cannot, in good conscience, play into this system. It's an evil monster that needs to be starved to death.

Things are so bad with my JA provider that I, on their advice, had to obtain a medical exemption to get away from them. It expires in a couple of weeks and I have no idea if I can bring myself to go back there.

The doctor, unsurprisingly, was reluctant to give me a certificate over something so stupid. I'd feel uncomfortable returning so soon to tell him the details I left out of my story. Given that my goals are incompatible with the goals society has imposed on me, I don't see the point anyway.

That there is the problem - society has imposed its own goals on me. Those goals are wrong for me. All the "treatment" options have those same goals. I'm done playing their game. It's all stick and no carrot.

I don't want to be "normal". Most normal people are idiots, drones, pursuing a pointless cause. I want to be me, without the pressure to do society's bidding.

What am I to do? Even if the problem was solvable, I simply don't have the time left.

I don't even have it that bad. It's just that we all deserve better and I'm sick of pretending otherwise.

PS. This forum has some serious accessibility issues.

[BluBelle]

Hey 2L85iblSXm.

I imagine it's hard to know for sure if uncontacted tribes experience depression because, well, they're uncontacted 😉 I imagine that chafing against the rules of whatever community or society you belong to would be common to all peoples though.

I'm interested to know what your goals actually are. I studied sociology at uni many moons ago (which has seemed absolutely useless up until right now) but I'm reminded of Merton's Strain Theory. Are you familiar? To paraphrase it badly, there are five groups a person can fall under when faced with cultural goals and insitutionalised ways of achieving those goals. Most people are Conformists, they accept both the goals and the means of getting them, eg: a nice house in the 'burbs and working 8 hours a day to earn money to pay for it. You can probably google a little table of what the rest are, but the ones that interest me the most are Innovation (accepting the goals but creating a new means of achieving them, sometimes illegally) and Rebellion (replacing both the goals and the means with your own). Where do you reckon you fall under?

Also, by accessibility issues do you mean for vision impaired or something else?

[2L85iblSXm]

Maybe you're right about those uncontacted tribes. Then again, those tribes don't have internet access. Ignorance is bliss, and I'm all out of that. I'd be a lot happier if I was oblivious to the suffering of others.

I have no goals. I gave up on getting anything worthwhile long ago.

I repeatedly mentioned the word "goal" for a strategic reason. It's because a nurse gave me a pamphlet for a mental health service.

"Our aim is to support you to meet your identified goals"...

That line there is what let me know that I cannot work within the system. They expect progress, but I just want to be left alone. This is why I'm communicating online. Phone calls are too easy to trace.

The accessibility issues are not visual. It's browser compatibility.

My first visit was on the Android version of Firefox. I was reading the information on depression and wanted to read some of the personal stories. They all gave me a 404.

Signing up to this forum required too much information. And JavaScript. Web devs have a boner for that. I at least managed to create the account under Pale Moon (a port of Firefox). The activation email was incompatible with the webmail service I used too. I had to save the raw text to a .eml file and use Thunderbird to decipher the embedded link.

I'm using Chrome at the moment because I couldn't even get the cursor into the body field on Pale Moon. Chrome sucks. Can't even resize this tiny text field.

I almost didn't post my question because it was so difficult. Gotta wonder how many people are six foot under now because of similar difficulties. That's what makes the accessibility issues so serious. It messes people around in their time of greatest need.

I'm not even sure if this is the right site for me to be posting on. I'm used to discussing these sorts of things with more like-minded people. I don't have time for their cold hard logic though, so I'm trying to make do here.

[2L85iblSXm]

Thanks for responding. I replied a few hours ago, but the forum seems to have eaten it. That's the kind of accessibility problem I'm dealing with. I won't repeat what was in that comment because I'm not sure if it was something in that comment that prevented it appearing.

I had a look at that diagram. I think I'm on the corner of retreatism and rebellion (if that's a valid place to be).

I've figured out the answer to my original question. Feeling better about the asymmetry between good and bad is not going to stop me getting cut off the dole. I can't get out of my rut until the source of my problems - financial insecurity - goes away. That's something that isn't going to happen.

I think I've made a mistake by coming here. I've needlessly taken up resources.

[pipsy]

Hi 2L85iblSXm. Extremely unusual choice of title. Can't say actual name due to lack of. It's likely your original reply may have been blocked if it was deemed to be upsetting to other readers. Many people posting suffer debilitating depression and discussing animals under lock and key would've been distressing. Calling people 'drones' and 'idiots' is hardly fair as many people suffering serious mental health issues are often referred to as 'special needs'. These people have feelings though and insulting them because you are unhappy is rather inappropriate. I work with many 'special needs' people and I have found them to be polite and most happy to work in with whatever their schedule may be. You are more than welcome to continue posting, but please be mindful of other peoples sensitivities and needs. When you mention animals do not suffer depression, that is not quite true either. I lived on a farm, we used to have often have 'stillborn' calves, the mothers would 'low' for hours in grief over the loss. Sheep suffer similar depression as do any animal who looses her young. Human mothers in remote areas suffer severe depression when they loose their partner/children. People deal with depression in their own ways that's true but they still have the illness.

Lynda

[blondguy]

Hi 2L85

Im actually glad you posted. Everyone is entitled to have their say and good on you. You havent wasted any resources. The forums are a safe non judgmental place to be if you want to stick around 🙂

Ive had depression since 1996 and having a good 'vent' to my GP and psychologist gave me my life back so I could keep working. I spent the 13 years prior to seeking help thinking I could self heal and exercise, eat well etc but that didn't help..

take care

Paul

[2L85iblSXm]

Title reflects how I felt at the time. Name was randomly generated. I didn't want to pick a name that I'd later regret but could not change. Can't regret what means nothing.

The post finally came through. I was a drunk at the time I posted that, but tried to keep offensiveness down in spite of my impaired state. I think one word was replaced. (Although I might have self-censored that bit as there is a similar, more offensive word, still in there.) I have a very low EQ, so I can sometimes be unknowingly offensive. Makes things a bit harder when politeness is key. If editing posts was possible, I'd certainly go back and clean it up a little.

While it feels the same, I wouldn't consider mourning a loss to be real depression. I'm no expert though. I didn't even know I was depressed until I read the symptom list a few days ago, so I'll take your word on it.

The people I was speaking derogatorily of were actually not the ones with mental health issues. I intentionally started that sentence with "most" to make people think "oh, he can't be talking about me." Still, it was insensitive. So many people have personal problems that I do consider it abnormal to be normal.

I regret starting this thread. A forum, to me, is a place where people discuss something they have in common. Usually they enjoy that thing they share. Not here. I have one thing in common with a lot of people here and that's it. The differences are so many that I feel like I can't really express myself.

My core philosophy is very upsetting to some people. People sharing my philosophy have found therapy to be completely ineffective, which is why I'm very wary of going down that route. It's not a matter of feeling a certain way about something that is subjective. It's a game changing understanding of life itself that cannot be unlearned.

It's too hard to be so vague about something I consider to be relevant to my situation.

I don't believe how I feel to be relevant to my problem anymore. I could wake up in the best mood I've ever been in, but there is still going to be insurmountable friction when that medical exemption expires.

Yes, it sucks to feel this way, but the real problem lies outside of me.

[2L85iblSXm]

blondguy said:

The forums are a safe non judgmental place to be if you want to stick around 🙂

That, unfortunately, is as problem for me. In my response to pipsy, I mentioned my potentially upsetting core philosophy. That philosophy makes a lot unoffensive stories I've read here upsetting to me.

I've become rather misanthropic in the past few months. I can no longer see good in people.

I think I need to look elsewhere for advice. But where?

A more complete version of my story cannot be told publicly, but I'm not ready to talk privately. Not until I'm confident it will be productive.

I regret starting this because it has made me realise that I'm slipping through the cracks of the system. The future looks even more bleak now.

[blondguy]

Hey 2L85

No problemo....Im only on here because I was stuck 12 months ago buried in a pit of depression...which is still with me.

you are not on your own...

Paul

[2L85iblSXm]

I hope I can get out of this, if for no other reason than to show others in my position how it's done. Unfortunately, I do know I'm not alone in this. Centrelink is cold and I've already seen people less fortunate that myself here getting sucked down that hole.

I first posted in a naïve attempt to find a loophole. Something that would buy me some time to maybe figure the rest out.

My reporting date was today. I've only been penalised $53. I thought my exemption covered the entire period in question but, looking back over the history, it looks like the penalty was delayed.

When I called my Centrelink's participation hotline a few days after things went south, they told me I'd only been reported once for non-compliance. Maybe I can negotiate something with them (my JA provider). They report me only once a fortnight; I don't burn down... ...I'd probably best not finish that sentence. Desperate times tho. I can get by on a little less. Things will get ugly on a lot less though.

Open question: Anyone here volunteered to be institutionalised?

As previously alluded, I was given a pamphlet for such a place. I suspect it could get Centrelink off my back, but I have a some reservations.

Ugh, if it wasn't obvious from my initial post, I might as well admit it. I'm [technically] vegan. That core philosophy partially and significantly hinges on it. In spite of my severe emotional and empathetic shortcomings, I am very much anti-suffering. No surprise really given that I suffer daily.

I was taken to hospital recently and was forced to take a drug that, most likely, had metaphoric blood on it. When I lament the lack of freedom in the world, this, this disrespect for personal beliefs, is one of the things I'm talking about. That drug was entirely unnecessary. If anything, it had the potential to make things worse. Psychologically, it may really have.

Diet is also an issue, as is detachment from my home life. My mother depends on me for things she really shouldn't. I can't leave her with the intention of returning. She won't learn to look after herself if she thinks I'm coming back.

I can get by without the booze (this place has a gym that I can use to tire myself to sleep) I think, but pharmaceuticals and medical attention are out of the question.

I really don't trust the system. I feel like I know better than them, but they're too arrogant to acknowledge that.