Is it my fault?

[Gambit]

Haven’t posted here in a while. It’s not that I’ve gotten any better unfortunately, just forgot this account existed until I needed advice haha.

For context, I met a guy online. We’ve been friends for a while now. In the beginning we were very close. People would rarely see us apart, and if we were, they’d ask where the other person was. We would message almost constantly - he’d say good morning, I’d do the same, we’d talk on call for hours. Lately, it feels like things have changed.

Recently he decided he wanted to start making videos. Having no knowledge of how to edit himself, I agreed to help. (I don’t know if that’s related to the issue, but context.)

He made less of an effort to initiate conversation, and if we did talk over text, he’d be cold. And the only time he’d contact me was to ask about “our” work. He started to ignore me in game too, even if I tried to team up, it’d be met with dismissal.

I didn’t address my issues at first, trying to avoid causing him trouble. I just let the thoughts intrusively fester in my own mind until, finally, I got fed up and confronted him. He reassured me things were the same, that I was one of his “best friends”. And for a little while I was at ease. He started to invite me occasionally, we would talk less about work and he’d initiate conversations.

And then everything went back to how it had been.

He’d ignore me, only text first to talk about work, reject me. I was back to feeling neglected and miserable.

He’s so two faced, being cold over text, but charming on call. The back and forth is sending me on a roller coaster ride of emotions.

I think deep down I know, he’s just keeping me around for his videos, that this isn’t good for me. But, if it wasn’t already obvious, I’m smitten with him. (Stupid, crushing on someone online, I know.) And like all things we love, admitting they might be bad for us feels almost impossible. At least for me.

It’s not just my feelings hindering my judgement, I felt like with this guy I had someone I could confide in, trust. A real friend. Now it just feels like I’m being used and I’m too desperate for him to just admit the truth.

Why is he so cold over text, but acts so warm over call? Why does he go from being affectionate - praising and encouraging me - to just ignoring me? One second he makes me feel like I’m on top of the world, and like shit the next. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Sorry this got so long and rambley, I guess I just needed a place to vent my thoughts.

[Gambit]

Before anyone says it (if anyone even replies to this) I know a lot of people don’t consider online friendships as solid as real ones, but this guy felt like one of the best things in my life.

I’m not a hermit, I have a social life, a job. The online community was just a hobby in my downtime at first, and then I met people I connected with. He was one of my first friends in that group, and someone who I connected deeply with. We both confided in, and put a lot of trust and time in to each other’s lives - at least, in the beginning.

I know to some it might seem stupid to be this upset over someone I’m not even in the same country as. But like I said, I consider this guy one of my best friends. Well, considered? I’m not sure how to feel anymore.

And ik, dropping an online friend should be exponentially easier then an irl one, but like I said - I like him to much to convince myself to; in a romantic and friendly sense. And he does make me feel valued and appreciated as a friend, it’s just a pretty constant cycle between positive and negative.

Maybe I’m just a glutton for punishment haha.

[Gambit]

Second edit: I know this probably belongs in the relationships forum, but a lot of the reason I’m hesitant to drop him is because of my own terribly poor sense of self worth. Depression and neglect as a child are a bitch on one’s self image. Sometimes I feel like it’s my fault we’re like this now, or I don’t deserve anyone who really cares about me.

[quirkywords]

Gambit,

Welcome back to the forum and thanks for sharing this very real and topical problem.

I understand how you can develop feelings for someone online and in another country.

You both are real,people with feelings and when someone pays attention and seems interested in you and respects your talents you’ll feel valued and wanted.

As you say you have a job a social life but you connected with this person. I can feel your disappointment when he changed but also your hope that he can still be positive towards you.

It is not your fault at all that he changed but it is the nature of relationships online and offline.

I suppose when the relationship makes you feel good about yourself thtanis ok but if it adds to your low self esteem that is damaging to you.

Is it possible to see him as a friend and distance yourself a bit, and enjoy the connection and the online community?

I can see his friendship means a lot to you but I am concerened it comes at a price to your well being.

please fell free to discuss this more .

Thnaks for your honesty. I feel many reading this will relate to you.

Quirky