Is it depression

[Snowbear]

Hi Everyone,

I've been going through a tough time the last 12 months. Loss of job due to sexual harassment & bullying that lasted a long time and slowly been coming to terms with the situation. Now at university trying to follow another career path. I am having difficulties distinguishing depression from normal down feelings. How do you know for sure its depression? When a doctor ask me how I feel I struggle to answer. My daily routine is get up around 6-7am, have coffee and study, by 10-11am I am back in bed. the general feeling I have is that I need a rest but I feel that something else may be going on under the surface. Am I hiding from something? Am I really that tired each day? do I really have a cold? I just can't figure it out and why I am going to bed so much.

I do try leave the house, I have some shows I enjoy watching, books I like read. I do stuff but i am not consistent, theres no balance and the sleeping takes over. I feel like I could be trying to get away from something or a feeling but I don't know what it is. I am seeing a GP, psychologist and psychiatrist one told me when I feel like going to bed just go for a run...thats easier said than done. I struggle with chores, paying bills, appointments and sometimes brushing my hair. I just don't care. I wish I knew why though.

Any thoughts would be great.

[Ken1]

I'm so sorry for what you've had to experience the last 12 months, it sounds like an awful experience. I'm glad that you were able to get out if it and go a totally different direction.

The best way to know if you are struggling with something like depression is to figure out whether it's impacting your everyday life or not. If it's affecting your ability to live, then it's likely it's not just "down" feelings. Either way, remember that depression is just a label and really all you know for sure are the feelings you feel, not what they might be called - if that makes sense.

When I went through depression, I used something called a SUDS scale to track how I was feeling throughout the day. I forget what it stands for. If I was feeling a 1, that meant I was fine, not amazing, but mildly content. If I was a 10, I was suicidal. This was really helpful for me and I tracked this pretty much hour by hour. It also helped me identify trends i.e. What made me feel worse/better and when. Could be something for you to try to start to explain your feelings day to day?

Unfortunately, only you can decipher whether or not you're hiding from something, but asking the question is a good first step.

There could be a multitude of reasons for why you're acting a certain way and knowing the clinical reason for that is absolutely helpful but doesn't solve the problem. I would suggest trying to deal with what you do know and have identified - i.e. Wanting to sleep a lot. It's good that you're doing some things you like. How is your social life; eating habits? There are some great vitamins to take for energy! These things can make a big difference.

Exercise isn't for everyone and the motivation aspect is huge but it releases chemicals in your brain that are proven to make you feel better and more energised. Worth pushing yourself to do.

I understand the whole sleep thing through my experience with depression and most days I had to literally force myself not to sleep otherwise I would never leave bed.

Do you think maybe you haven't totally dealt with some of the things that have happened to you in the last year? Maybe it's just taken a huge hit to your seratonin levels in your brain and you need to find ways to reboot. I encourage your search for reasons as to why you're feeling this way, but you could potentially be searching for a while without feeling any better. My advice is to try to fill your tank in the meanwhile.

Hope you get the answers you need.

[geoff]

hello Snowbear, we can only indicate from our own experience whether or not you may have depression, but the true diagnosis has to be from a doctor/psych, however I'm surprised that you haven't mentioned whether they have given you any diagnosis, but let's say you're my sister because this is what I would be telling her.
I would ask her to do the K-10 test which is to give you a score to indicate your level of depression if that's what you are suffering from, but could I ask you to do it a few times a day at different times, and if you get a high score then that woud indicate you may have depression.
If you weren't showing signs of depression then it would be easy to answer your doctor by saying that 'everything is good', whereas depression can block your mind so you can't answer.
Feeling the need to be in bed and having these thoughts of 'Loss of job due to sexual harassment & bullying' could mean that you are suffering from PTSD, but it goes further than that, it means that you are unable to recover.
The philosophy of going for a run may work for some people, it certainly didn't for me, but for others it has, but depression makes people tired and their best option is to go back to bed, and basically if this keeps happening then it's not what we call being sad, it's being in depression.
I would be telling 'my sister' (you) that if she isn't happy with any doctor/psych then she must look else where for immediate help, the longer you defer this the worse you could become, we don't want that to happen to you.
Please let us know what score you get, it would great to hear back from. Geoff.

[blondguy]

Hi Snowbear

I feel your pain having these feelings. Ive had depression for 21 years now and my illness did make even the simplest tasks very difficult. My work performance was also effected.

You have really been through a very tough time with being sexually harassed and losing a job at the same time. This type of event is similar psychologically to losing a loved one. You have been through a traumatic period in your life. You are being hard on yourself especially after going through what you have. I hope you can allow yourself to heal.

Depression is similar to a tired or exhausted mind.....and more than understandable after the abuse you have been through Snowbear. Sometimes we need a lot of time to find ourselves after a traumatic event.

I think you are amazing for having your medical team all set up. This is very proactive and good you!

Im not sure if you have actually been diagnosed with depression. Either way...try to make your appointments with your counselors as frequent as you can. This will result in a more effective healing process as well as giving you a greater understanding of your feelings and what they represent to you.

Your counselors are there to help and care for you Snowbear. The more information you can provide the better you will feel too! I understand its difficult to break the ice and putting your feelings on the table but you have everything to gain and nothing to lose by doing so. You will feel the benefit

I really hope you can post back and let us know how you are going Snowbear....we are here...even if you just need to have a chat 🙂

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

[Snowbear]

Hi Ken1, Geoff and Blondguy,

thank you all so much for replying it was uplifting to read and I will try out both SUDS and K-10 and get back to you all. I have been diagnosed with Adjustment disorder, depression with some signs of PTSD but it isn't PTSD. I had my job for a long time 5+ years and was dealing with some very difficult people at my place of employment. Now I am left jobless and the only hope I have is a new career which is going to take at least 6 years. TBH I don't think I would be able to work right now and do university. As mentioned earlier I struggle to do daily tasks. With university its left right until the last minute and I seem to not take it seriously. I know I am angry because I have had to restart but I think there might be more to it. I know its a grieving process.

I guess with the depression i have been trying to figure out if I am more depressed than not. I will start with those tests mentioned. Going to doctor today and have a chat about my concerns. I know we all just have to move on but sometimes it feels terribly hard to do. Yes, I think I have a some things I haven't dealt with I just don't know what they are.

Thanks everyone, its really nice to have a place to come to when needed! I guess I don't feel so alone now.

Snowbear

[blondguy]

Hey Snowbear!

Thanks heaps for the super kind feedback for everyone Snowbear 🙂

You are a very intelligent and proactive person Snowbear. Sometimes it may help when we dont try to microscope our depression and just let in come like the waves on an ocean beach....Sometimes overthinking depression can make it bigger than what is really is.

In a nutshell.....You have a great team of health professionals enabled (and well done to you) that are there to help you find your way out of the fog you are in. Let them do all the hard work with analysis...Take a break..

The depression will ease....What does work is super regular counseling.....even your GP has better training nowadays with depression and can also help you find your way out of this temporary dark place

I had weekly visits with a community based (free) metal health worker for 7 months....He was a gem...

Great to have you on the forums Snowbear 🙂

Even though this isnt an immediate chat platform we are more than happy to be here for you

please be gentle with yourself

Paul

[Haether]

Hi Snowbear, congrats as it sounds you're still managing to persevere with study, give yourself a lot of credit for doing so. I know it can feel like a longterm slog and hard to maintain motivation. I find it difficult and I'm not currently depressed. If you're wondering whether you've got depression, you could always have a look at the diagnostic criteria - maybe talk it through with one of your professionals? I know one of the posters recommended leaving it to the professionals - if that's what you'd like to do, just leave things in their hands, that's great, but if you are somebody who wants a more active role in management decisions that's great too. If it's impacting on your day-to-day functioning, then regardless of whether you meet the criteria or not, whether it's depression or not, it can be helpful to get intervention, which it sounds like you're doing. Are you aware that universities have disability officers who can help with negotiating extensions if needed? And health and counselling centers? Though if you're happy with your 'treatment team' as it's called, then sticking with them might be best. Most people with depression do get to the other side - or at least a less depressed side.