Is it always going to be this way ?

[geekgirl0000]

So here is my tale of woe. I'm in my late 30's, single and have zero friends. I have not been in a real relationship since I was 20 years old. I don't know how to relate to people. I make what turns out to be bad decisions that have hurt others around me. I sit at my laptop each night and want to connect to people. I want someone to care about me and tell me that I am worth the effort to visit my house. Even my own family don't even bother. For the last 18 months I have been sliding backwards into a puddle of go. I was passionate about things and felt the fire in my belly. Now I can't even concentrate on something long enough to feel anything. I want to work in an industry that requires empathy but I look at people and feel nothing. Is it always going to be like this ?

[Zeal]

Hi gg,

That's tough. Social and emotional support is a human need, and it's understandable that you crave connection with people. How long have you had this feeling of nothingness? It sounds as though you have a form of depression. The root cause is the loneliness and feelings of rejection, which is what needs to be dealt with first. Being able to talk to someone who is non-judgemental, empathetic and has experience with helping others is vital. So, I really think seeing a counsellor or psychologist is a good idea. But first, I recommend visiting your GP and touching base with them. They can then refer you to a psychologist or counsellor they recommend. At counselling/psychologist appointments you can talk through how you are feeling, and what bothers and worries you the most. They will then be able to give you advice on how to make changes in your life that will benefit you emotionally and psychologically.

I hope you are able to seek help soon!

Best wishes,

SM

[geekgirl0000]

Thanks for message of support. I have been feeling this way since January but it started to get worse after July and it has been a downward spiral since. There has been some circumstancial things that happened that hurt my feelings deeply and I did not react well to them.  Somehow I made it through all of that but I'm still having more bad than good days. This will be go number three with depression which is depressing in itself. I thought my life was going to turn of better than this.

[Zeal]

Hi gg,

You are more than welcome 🙂 Make sure you seek help. If you don't have a GP, go to Get support and Find a professional on this site. Once you've made an appointment with a GP, they will help direct you from there.

Best wishes,

SM

[geekgirl0000]

Ok, so here is my very shallow response to my own situation. Is the depression causing my to be a loser or was I a loser who got depression ? Will the fact that I have had no real adult relationships stop me from having one ? I'm not sure I can take that look again when they realise that they have started something with someone who is 'defective'. Yes, I saw that look and he tried to run away and leave a crying girl by the side of the road. I'm not sure I can take that again.

[StefT]

Hey you are not defective, you are just at a low ebb in life and feeling unloved. It happens to all of us. It's a wake up call and as sucky as it feels it empowers us to really look at our life and put effort into what we feel needs improving. That you are limited with relationship experience certainly won't stop you from having one only your own limiting beliefs will. Don't let one bad experience bother you, dating is a crap shoot. 

[geekgirl0000]

I think the issue was that I tried to tell him some of the truth about myself which is hard for me to do and he ran like the wind. I can read people REALLY REALLY well (I'm a spooky INFJ on Myer-Brigg) and I saw the look of despair on his face. Instead of being my friend which is what I needed, he ran away. This was a NICE guy who I though that that maybe there could be something there.

[StefT]

You say he was a nice guy but he ran, that sounds like a contradiction. Anyway it wasn't meant to be and it's a positive that it happened before too much intimacy and biological glue developed 🙂 There are a wealth ofguys out there looking for a relationship or friendship. Give yourself a chance.

[Guest_1055]

Hello Gg    ( I had trouble writing the other name, because you don't sound like a geek to me, is that OK?)

I agree with StefT, you are not defective and you certainly are no loser. Not one bit.

And if you are on your lap top, at home, right now then I feel honored to be your visitor. And I am sending you a hug right now. You are not alone. I so much long to help you more, I care about you.

I don't relate well to others either, well not by verbally speaking and I hate small talk. Are you the same?

With lots of hugs to you

Shelley anne

[geekgirl0000]

Thanks for the hug Shelly anne. It makes me feel bit better. I have some issues with starting friendships with people. Yes, I hate small talk in my personal life but it is part of my job. Right now, I'm going to bed. Its been a bad day and I have had enough.