Impatient

[squeak]

I have been fighting depression now for more years than I care to remember, and it has always taken the same course, that is I find it difficult to do anything and that means anything. Like every one else here I struggle on a day to day basis with just getting out of bed, getting into the shower, going to work and dealing with the household chores. I usually dont want to move or go any where and I don't feel any joy in any part of my life.  I have had breast cancer four years ago and I am still fighting that battle as well, my husband is an alchoholic and my daughter who is only 28 is very ill and has just had two hip replacements due to a metobolic bone disease and now there is complications with that, so I dont feel as if there is any light at the end of the tunnel, but just recently I have found myself very agitated and extremley impatient to the point that I want to smash things and throw things, I yell and scream and get very angry with everyone around me, I have road rage and I find it difficult to go out in public as I want to abuse any one who gets in my way in the shops etc. Has any one else experienced periods of impatience with their depression.

Looking foward to hearing your thoughts on this. - Thanks J

[Neil_1]

Dear Squeak

Thank you for coming here and providing your post AND welcome to Beyond Blue.

Um, to answer your question (on a personal note - as I can't obviously speak for others 🙂 but, yes, yes and yes.

It's a real tricky situation - especially the hurling of objects and abuse.  Both things can impact and hurt - obviously physically and mentally - and if you end up smashing something, then the end result is usually a "cleaning up" process and then the realisation later that you have in fact, damaged or smashed something - which in turn leads to more angst and annoyance.  So there then becomes a very nasty circle of destruction.  One to be avoided if you can - my methods for such things are to either get out of the house and go for a walk - just somewhere quiet.  Also at the time, take in some big deep breaths, to try and cool your inner workings down.   DON'T under any circumstances get in the car and go for a drive.  But try to deep breath and then see if you can remove yourself from what's causing you the anger.

I might say thought, that this is a normal reaction as well - and you aren't on your own with feeling this way.  It's just how you react when it happens is the key factor.

With the shops issue - yes, people can really annoy - again I find a way of dealing with this is to (if possible) take the less travelled journey - ie:  if there's a lot of people down one aisle of a shop, then avoid that one, until it thins out.  Also have a pre-planned course of action - ie:  if you know you've got to get milk and bread, then go to the store that you know where they are - get 'em, and get out and make as little eye contact as you can.  Just possible thoughts for you there.

The whole living routine:  getting up, showered, brekkie, yada yada yada, as that same ol' feel about it - but the positive thing is that you ARE doing it.  For as much as you can, please keep doing this - the distraction is good.

May I ask what other supports you have in place?  ie:  any doctors appointments, or other counselling, perhaps - or any anti-depressants that you're on?

Again, thank you for coming to post and I do hope to hear back from you.

Kind regards

Neil

[squeak]

Hi Neil

Thankyou for your answer it makes me feel that I am not alone, and yes I had been seeing a counseller but she had to move away and I havn't found any one else I am comfortable with as yet, I was taking anti depressants but many of them have contraindictions to the cancer medication I take.  I am using many of the strategies you suggested but just hearing from someone else make me feel I am on the right track and as strange as it sounds I just wanted to know that these feeling were associated with the depression and not something else as in my other serious bouts of depression I hadn't felt like this. So thankyou again it was really helpful.

Regards - J

[geoff]

dear Squeak, and that's NOT how or what you are but firstly I would also like to welcome you here.

Oh dear, what you have to face is certainly a real struggle, something that is not fair for one person to have to go through.

Our good friend Neil has provided you with some great tips, so there's no point in me saying what he has already said, but I certainly agree with him.

Your husband would not be helpful to you one bit all he wants is his grog, and I hope that he is not abusing you verbally, because this is what can happen with alcoholics, their prime interest is to help themselves first and foremost.

I want to ask you how you are going with your cancer treatment, but this is very personal, so I won't but you know how concerned we are, and I only make this comment just to let you know how worried we are for you.

I have a young girlfriend although we never were as such, just keep in contact who lives in Perth and I'm in country Vic, but she has lumps removed on both her breasts, and I just so wish that she was local so that I could help her through this terrible ordeal, and it seems as though your own support is limited, as your daughter has had a terrible ongoing problem as well.

I can sympathise with her as well as I have had 3 operations on one hip, but need another one early next year which as she knows herself is not a pleasant recovery.

I know that you are trying to hold yourself up to be able to support her, and I'm sure it would be the same with her, trying to help you through all of this, and either of you would be more concerned for the other.

So it's understandable for you to react the way you do, so please don't blame yourself, because you are entitled to feel this way.

On top of all of this you have depression to contend with as well, so could it get any worse than this, no, I don't think so, it's all so traumatic and unfortunately both your struggles keep going, and how sorry I feel for the both of you.

I'm sure whether you're strong enough to do anything with your husband or just let it be until we hope it settles down.

I would ring the BB line and they maybe able to find you a psychologist who can help you, because your heart must be crying out for professional help.

I really want you to keep us informed, because we want to be able to help and certainly support you. L Geoff. x

[Neil_1]

Hi there Squeak (J)

Thank you for replying back and it was great to hear from you again.

Often times, just to hear from someone else (a fellow traveller “sufferer”) can be a boost – just to hear that someone else is feeling the same way and in fact, not just someone else, but MANY someone’s.   Which is the downside of this – that there are so many of us who are out there and suffering.

And that is what is so great about this website – it is assisting us to come together (ok, via a web forum, but hells bells, that’s better than no form of communication), and so yes, we’ve got a place to come to.  To unload, to vent, to cry out – but also to come and assist and offer advice and offer support.  Even just the simple process of someone coming here to write down what is happening to them now can be a hugely beneficial thing.

So it was great that you were able to come here – and if you feel comfortable to do so, it’d be awesome to have you hang around for a while – and even perhaps offer some advice to other people – only if you feel comfortable in doing so.   BUT of course, if there’s other things that you are concerned about or unsure, please please do post something and we’ll be there for you.

Kind regards

Neil