I've never spoken about this to anyone.

[Bee63]

I've never spoken to anyone about this really so I'm sorry if it's very disorganised lol. I'd appreciate any comments, feedback or advice you have because I really need an outsiders view so please feel free 🙂

I'm 18 and just finishing my HSC. I am not by any means a positive thinker, it's a very bad habit I have and probably one of my problems lol. When I do try to think positive I feel like I'm fooling myself, too me it's easier when you think the worst because then you're not let down as much.
Lately I also have very low self confidence. This is something I really hate because when I was 14-16 I did have a lot more confidence and felt much better about myself. But now I really hate my appearance.. I feel too fat, I'm pale, my legs are very ugly because I have slight discolouration in certain areas, my nose is huge & my hair is terrible. I look around at the other girls and they all seem so perfect and get heaps of attention from other guys.. and I know I'm in a relationship but it would still be nice to be found attractive.
I know I'm probably wrong, but I swear my boyfriend is much less attracted to me now then what he was also and because I feel so ugly, it's hard for me to feel sexy so we barely ever have sex anymore. It really worries me because I don't want him to look elsewhere. Also I feel a lot like I drag him down.. like me being a part of his life makes his life dull and boring. Whenever I try to talk to him about that he always tells me I'm "being silly" or he feels like I'm trying to make him feel bad. I have no idea what to do about that so I'm open to ideas.

Also I have only recently moved away from my home town and all my friends, and the friends I have made here live a half hour away so I definitely feel very alone and isolated. I have no family here apart from the ones I live with, and although I love them, I can't stand to be around them anymore.
I feel like my mum and her boyfriend make stupid decisions.. neither of them work and they come up with every excuse in the book for this. When I leave home they will lose the child support from my father, the board from my boyfriend and will still have 3 small kids to look after. I feel like since meeting my step dad my mum has cut off the rest of the family which particularly bothers me.

I don't really know what is wrong with me.. I guess I could say I have depression. I'm not particularly suicidal but there are days where I honestly feel like I'm not going to go anywhere in life, and sometimes I don't see the point of wanting to live for another 70 odd years if I'm stuck with a low income, miserable life.
I'm not saying people would be happy if I croaked, I know they would be very depressed and upset, but I think their lives would be more enjoyable in the long run I guess. I don't know... things are just becoming increasingly worse and I don't really have anyone to talk to about it all which is why I decided to post this.. I don't like being stuck with my thoughts sometimes.

[Depressedandanxious]

I understand. my self-esteem is horrible. but im trying to help myself by opening up to help, which i think is the best thing for both of us. really, jst open up. thats my plan but right now im confused of how to do it. but stay strong. Im sure your a beautiful person and dont u ever doubt it xo

[vip]

Hi Bee you are really stuck in a rut there please see a gp and get your depression looked at honestly i know when i was suffering with it i hated the way i looked i felt like my husband was checking out every woman except me ect  ect honestly it makes your mind feel negative ugly useless ect ect. I have recovered from this after 22 yrs and im losing weight buying nice clothes meeting lovely people and honestly i feel totally different once you keep it under control you will feel it will all be posative. Dont even look at yourself like that remember there is not one person in this world that looks in the mirror and loves everything about themselves we all have faults its actually the personality we have that counts not the looks. Talk it out with a psych as well i found that help me recovered too your not alone here jump onto it straight away and get the help. Take care

[patientpartner]

Bee63

I can see how easily you can fall into how you are currently feeling.  I am by no means a medical practitioner, however, I do have a few tips of my own.  Start with little steps and that could be as simple as doing things that make you happy.  If you are worried about your looks then start by making an effort to do your hair or watch what you eat or go for a walk.  Exercise is the best thing for mental wellbeing, no matter what your age or your mental state.  You have to start somewhere.  If people see a difference in your appearance they will comment which then might make you feel attractive.  In relation to your mother, some things you just don't have control over.  Just remember parents are not always right.  Just because she chooses not to work it does not mean you will follow that path.  By the sounds of it you certainly don't want to be like that.  I'm sure you won't either.  I would see a GP and then ask to see a psychologist under Medicare.  Life is way too short and I have seen some sad things with my job so my motto is 'You could get hit by a bus tomorrow so live life to the fullest'. I hope this helps in some way.  Take care.

[Chris_B]

Hi Bee63,

The advice from everyone about seeing a GP and looking into counselling is good.  

From what you're saying, it sounds like a good deal of what's bringing you down at the moment is where you're living - you're not getting on with your mum and her boyfriend, and you're isolated from your friends.  

Are you intending to move out once your HSC is finished?

With regards to your boyfriend, I believe the more you worry about it, the more awkward intimacy becomes.  Enjoy your time together, maybe plan some outings where you can get out into the fresh air, go for walks etc.

best
CB

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Online Community Manager