I've managed to alienate my best friend

[anonymous39948828]

I have suffered on and off with depression for a while. I've been really good for almost ten years, now after being unemployed for a bit over a year I've hit a slump. I managed to stay positive for most of this time, then all of a sudden everything's a struggle. I don't get out much, I can't sleep a whole lot. I don't see many of my friends cause most of them have moved out of area, the friends I do have left I find myself pushing them away. Now to top it all off I have managed to alienate my best friend, the last person I would of wanted to push away, I don't know how to fix it or even if it can be fixed, I'm pretty sure I've done some irreparable damage. Most of the time I feel like maybe I can pull through but the night's are the worst, I can't sleep and everything just gets magnified in my head and my thinking starts going to some scary places. When it comes to talking about it out loud it seems stupid, my problems aren't that big of a deal, in comparison many people have more to struggle with then I do, I don't know what to do or how to fix/stop it. 

[Eva-marie]

Hi Anonymous

I have just joined after a horrible week of depression. I read your post and it sounds like you are feeling completely overwhelmed. That's how I felt last week. I told myself that it would pass and it did. Dont be frightened by lack of sleep. Just put on the radio and lie is a restful position. Your body is still getting the rest it needs. I have suffered depression on and off for forty years now. The last twenty have been great with only bouts of depression. You may feel overwhelmed -- but -- feelings are not facts. 

And your problems are important. It is a nightmare going through depression and it feels like it will never end. Keep telling yourself that the bad weather will pass and better days are up ahead. If you are isolating right now - that's okay for a while - your friends will understand. When you are feeling stronger you will be able to have a heart to heart with your friend.  I have been a member of Grow for years now and have learnt a lot of skills there. 

I really feel for you and hope this is a comfort to you. People do care - especially those of us who suffer this horrid disease.  All the best from Eva-marie

[bzb]

Dear Anonymous,

Well done on being on top of your depression for such a long time! That's fantastic! 

Sometimes life can throw us a curve ball and it throws things out of whack Your problems are real to you and they do matter if you feel you aren't sure what to do about them or how to help yourself.

I suggest getting in touch with whoever it was that helped you with your depression initially, to give you the support you need at the moment.Or speak to your GP and ask for a referral to a psychologist or contact beyond blue and speak to someone. 

Don't push your friends away. I did that, too, and it made it so hard. Please talk to your best friend and explain to her. As I was told, if she is a true friend, she will understand. We all make mistakes, especially when we are vulnerable. Admitting fault and accepting responsibility is so difficult to do, but you have done that.

Please let us know how you go.

Take care,

bzb

[Neil_1]

Hi Anonymous

Both Eva-marie and bzb have provided really excellent posts and I just wanted to pop in and say “Hi” and see how you’re feeling at the moment?

Night times are always so bad when you’re not well … be it, say with a cold, it just seems so much worse at night time.  But with the awful illness of depression, well, night times aren’t much fun (I guess until we can get to sleep, cause I figure, once you’re asleep, at least the Black Dog can have a snooze outside its kennel too).  But it’s the getting to sleep where the problem can be terrible … it exhausts you, but Eva-marie did provide a good suggestion to try and just vege out and just rest and relax as much as possible.

There is also nothing ever stupid about depression … it’s a massive deal and to be suffering from it, is just awful as you know.  There is no need to compare what you’re going through to what others are going through.  You have your own demons that you’re having to face and deal with each day and for what has been a long time, you have done amazingly to cope with it and you should be very proud about that. 

But for the moment, we’ve got to try and help you through this and also, if you can possibly seek some external professional help, if you’re able too as this may well help you to combat things as well.

I hope this has helped a little and if you feel able to, it’d be great to hear how you are feeling?

Kind regards

Neil

[Keir]

Hi, Anonymous

You are amazing, and I'm so envious. Ten years! Now THAT is survival.

I just wanted to comment on the alienation you feel with your friend. Over the many decades of living with depression, I've discovered that I can be the most horrid person to those I love (and need) most when I'm depressed. Being brutally honest, I have been cruel to those people at times. 

Above all, though, I have been honest. I have sought to make amends with those I have have heard and I have learnt from my experiences. Honesty is crucial to our survival. Be honest with your friend. Talk about your depression and the reactions it can elicit from you. 

Yours in survival - Keir