I thought I was the only one.

[Breakingpoint]

I should know better. I work in the paramedical field and acute medical issues / presentations are common. Yet I deluded myself to think I was alone, or immune to the impact of critical care. I’ve struggled for years, always thinking I was less than in my suffering. Attributing my issues to something different. I was trained fully prepared for the realities of a society. It wasn’t until my life met a critical overload that had been building for years, and a crisis that I was i was ashamed of that I reached out to this site. After reading others posts, the daily struggle they face , well it med me feel that there was a community within our society. I know the road is long, but I have hope now and maybe more understanding. So thank you all

[paddyanne]

Hi Breakingpoint. Many congrats for working this particular field. I know for a fact I couldn't. Working with terminal patients would be both rewarding and draining. The drain would be knowing that they're terminal and trying to bolster family who visit knowing, their pain but detaching yourself, so you don't get more drained. The rewarding side is the thanks for caring for so and so. I worked for 6 years with physical and mentally disabled adults and that too is both draining and rewarding. My breaking point was realizing I was so drained and tired from mental exhaustion, driving, maintaining discipline, and detaching myself. When we are dealing with people we're not related to, we may know them, but not personally, somehow at first it seems easy. We tell ourselves their problems aren't mine etc. Over extended periods of time, we DO somehow get drawn into their lives and often find ourselves going beyond the call. Our own families seem to fade because our work almost becomes our life. We eventually break because the load we carry becomes too heavy and we find we can't keep carrying. Never, ever feel ashamed, inadequate or embarrassed by discovering that you're human with your own feelings of hurt, sadness and sometimes betrayal. I had a client who was mentally disabled with a mental age of 6 or 7. Physically she was well into her 70's. She had a beautiful personality but she had a temper that scared. This client, one day presented me with a collection of small cut outs from a magazine she had pasted onto some cardboard. I was touched by this because I felt as though she knew me. The next time I saw her, she lashed out because she felt let-down by my not being there to collect her (my allocations officer had altered my run). I have no control over who my allocations officer assigns to me, but disabled people don't understand. All they understand is someone they love has let them down. I too get quite upset when things like this occur but this is part of my job. Your job also involves getting close to patients in your care and it becomes personal to the point where you feel physical pain when something happens whether expected or not.