I Miss Being Sad.

[Himi]

All I feel is apathy now.

Sadness used to consume every waking moment of my life (along with loneliness) but now I feel nothing at all.

I would rather feel sad and live with the pain of it than live in a constant state of apathy.

Because at least it WAS is something. Instead of being nothing.

[therising]

Hi Himi

I get where you're coming from. When apathy is the only thing happening, it can lead us to feel a bit zombie-like. Unlike those content brain dead zombies we see in movies, whose only purpose is to seek out brains, we conscious humans can be left asking the question 'What's the point of it all?' 🙂

Understanding the way we tick is helpful when it comes to understanding why we experience the perspective we do. We've got such an incredible lab working within us; a combination of chemicals which go toward regulating just about everything. Sleep, happiness, sadness, motivation etc etc: Much of it comes down to chemistry, even 'love'. Yes, this angle takes a bit of the romance out of life but I personally believe there's far more to us than a lot of chemical reactions. I'm a spiritual gal at heart and therefor approach life from a holistic angle (the whole involving body/mind/spirit). If any or all of the 3 are out of balance, we're going to feel it one way or another. Example: You know that feeling, when you're physically unwell and perhaps bedridden for a few days (body). It's not a terribly happy experience, which can lead to a bit of a downer (mind). Such an experience can lead one to understandably become self-focused, creating a sense of disconnection from life outside the 4 walls of our bedroom (spirit).

Probably the most interesting part of the MBS aspect comes down to them all relating to states of energy. Typically, a highly spirited person will be someone who's quite physically and mentally active. A lot of high energy stuff going on. As you would know, with apathy the energy levels aren't at an all time high. Mental health issues are energy draining for good reason. There's a lot of low energy stuff going on. Changing that soul-destroying question 'What's wrong with me?' to the liberating and investigative question 'What's really going on inside my body and mind?' can lead to the changes needed to feel more connected with the outside world.

I believe, when things aren't working well in our life, we need to become detectives or at least hire some detectives to do the work for us (medical and/or mental health professionals). If you haven't hired any good detectives yet, perhaps it's time to consider it.

The way out of the darkness is found on the path of enlightenment.

Take care Himi

[Alexlisa]

Hello Himi,

I’m sorry you’re feeling so flat, I can appreciate how hard that must be. Can I ask, has something changed for you that may have led you to feel this way, rather than the sadness you’d been experiencing before? Something that can cause such apathy are certain medications. Have you changed anything like that recently?

Unfortunately depression has different forms. Sometimes it’s primarily sadness or melancholy. Sometimes isolation, hopelessness and yes, sometimes apathy. I’ve lived with this kind of apathy before too, and I agree with you that it can feel worse than feeling the sadness. It’s just...empty.

Something that I’ve been taught by my psychologist is to do the activities you used to enjoy, even if you don’t feel like it. It’s ok that you don’t feel that joy about them now, because the idea is that activation can come before motivation - you don’t have to ‘feel’ like doing something to do it and there’s the chance that once you start you we will begin to enjoy it. The idea is that by doing an activity we can break the depression/apathy cycle of doing nothing, feeling hopeless, so doing even less and feeling more hopeless... and so on...

I know how hard that can be though. Even as I’m writing this I’m trying hard to believe in it because I also feel such depression and apathy and wish that it were so easy. But I do also know that I have nothing to lose by trying. There are some great resources about activation and depression at: https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Depression

I was wondering if you’re getting any treatment? If not it might be a good idea to look into it, because it isn’t something you should have to live with. I know it will probably be hard to work up the motivation to do it, but it’s usually worth the effort. You should feel supported and be able to have some professional input into how you can manage the feelings of apathy. And if you’re already seeing someone, please be as open about how you’re feeling as possible so you can get the right kind of help.

Take care

Alexlisa