I'm too afraid to discuss the real issues

[jerry66]

Hello To All, This is all new to me so I'm not too sure how it all works. I have been incredibly down lately, finding it hard to communicate with others around me.

I feel as though no-one, either professionally or personally seems to take me seriously. While I have support of family, I still get the "just get over it" impression from whom ever I pluck up the courage to talk to.

I've been diagnosed with depression for a number of years now but recent turmoil in my personal life of late has caused great anxiety. I find communication a great help but folk in general aren't interested in talking about true feelings.

I can prattle-on four hours just as good as the next person about the weather and other insignificant topics but am too afraid to discuss the real issues for fear of being classed a freak. How do you tell someone who has never suffered depression, anxiety the overwhelming feelings of dread, how you really feel.

I wish not to put a dark outlook on things but I would be really interested to hear others' experiences. Maybe some advice or hints on how to deal with myself and other people. Thanks, Jerry 

[HA1]

Hi Jerry

Welcome to BB. Thank you for posting a very interesting question.  I am sorry that it has taken so long for someone to reply to your post.

Yep, sharing works wonders. But in my experience you have to be very selective in who you share with.  As you observe, many simply don't understand mental health or depression.  "Get over it" is a common phrase, and even if they don't say it, you can tell by the body language that this is what they are thinking.  

I don't have any real friends, so no worries about trying to share with them.  But as you say, there is an inherent need to share - it makes us feel better. It is very healthy.  In the absence of others to talk with, many turn to forums like this one.  

I have not yet found anyone outside my own family to talk with about my illness.  And then I am careful not to worry them too much.  The only one I share most things with is my psychologist. But even that took time before I had enough trust.

Bottom line, I would not trust sharing my thoughts and feelings with anyone (i.e. anyone who has not yet gone through my minds vetting process).  When I do I expect it will be someone not involved in my day to day life.

thanks

K

[Neil_1]

Hi there Jerry

And like Hideaway, I too would like to welcome you to Beyond Blue.

And yes, I would think that so many of us have heard those great four words from “others” (just get over it) – and to be honest, you kind of hit the nail on the head when you said “how do you tell someone who has never suffered depression, …, how you really feel”.  It’s damn hard.  But along those lines, my own experience has led me to nominating only certain people (limited number – initially) for divulging my illness.  In the first instance, you just have to try to select who you think out of your either best/closest friends OR closest family member(s) who you think you could let them know.  And initially it wouldn’t be laying it all on the line and unloading in one foul swoop – but just to give out a little – so you can then kind of get a feel for how they have reacted to it.  I could go on more on this but I’ll leave it at that for the moment – but if you’d like me to expand on that, please get back to me and let me know.

Now, in regard to your mentioning of feeling that no-one is taking you seriously on a professional basis, I find that totally unacceptable – not on your behalf, but on the ‘so-called’ professional who you’ve been to see.  If you’ve gone away from that feeling that it’s been a waste of time, then it’s also a waste of money as well, which is not good.  I would definitely not be going back to that person again – and it is definitely very worthwhile seeking out a different professional.

If it’s in the form of a GP that you felt unsatisfied with, Beyond Blue have on this site a list of GP’s that can be searched for – and they are all qualified in dealing with mental health issues.  And from that, they would be best suited to advise you of any possible referrals for other professional assistance and/or any medications as well.

If you have any questions about this at all, I’d be happy to try to answer them for you.  I do hope you can get back to us anyway as it’d be nice to hear from you again.

Kind regards

Neil

[White_Rose]

Hello Jerry

Your post resonated so much with me. Thank you for posting. It is hard to talk to someone who has no idea what you are talking about and this is why we need to get the message out there. Depression is as much of an illness as the 'flu, cancer, chicken pox or any other illness you can think of.

The problem with mental illness is that no one can see it in the same way as physical illness. No spots or sores, no broken bones, no high temperatures or weight loss. It really is invisible unless you have developed special eyesight.

I was talking with a group of ladies and the talk got around to depression. So I told them about my experience of depression.  I asked them to imagine they were in an underground tunnel with absolutely no light. All they could do was to fumble their way along, tripping over rocks on the way, never knowing when they may fall into a hole or walk into a wall because the tunnel had turned a corner. Not a glimmer of light, no other people but possible other things lurking in the darkness.

Occasionally they may hear the sound of voices but no amount of calling out could attract the attention of the others, and then the voices would fade. All you could do was to crawl along the floor hurting your hands and knees and other parts when you bumped into things. Does that sound like a description of depression? It was certainly like that for me.

Sometime someone would find you and help you along the tunnel but that person (often a professional) would disappear and reappear leaving you to crawl on alone. You may get tips on how to avoid the holes and rocks, where to get food and water, how to judge when you could stand up and walk, but the job was yours to complete.

I told my friends about the unending loneliness and fear. The feeling of worthlessness and undeserving of love or any affection. The feeling that whatever you do will always be wrong and will ultimately hurt others.  The ladies were amazed at this the experience of depression  & said they would change their thinking.

But the ladies were quite close to me and I trusted them. It is important to talk only to those you trust, even they have no understanding of depression. If they care about you they will listen.

I hope my comments are useful to you and are not over the top. Please write in again.

Regards

Mary

[jerry66]

Gda K, wow, thanks for your reply. It's amazing. As I read it I thought I had written it myself. Very similar situation. I don't have many true friends. The term 'friend' is thrown around a lot. A true friend is someone you would feel comfortable sharing your innermost feelings and thoughts with. So in that regard there is no-one outside a select few members of my family I am able to talk to.

I have discussed a few issues with a psychologist. But it's like their only listening cos their paid to. I'm old enough to be her father and while I don't doubt her qualifications, I don't feel confident discussing some issues.

Much appreciate your reply and look forward to chatting again soon,

jerry66

[jerry66]

Gda Neil, thanks for your reply. This is a great way to discuss issues. I'll look into other options re professional help. Living in a regional area, my options are limited.

I'm finding bb a very interesting place. A lot of very useful info and very helpful people.

Look forward to chatting again soon.

Thanks, Jerry66

[HA1]

Hi Jerry

thanks for your reply - it is always good to get feedback.

I am always amazed at the number of people that can relate to each other on here.  No one is ever alone - no matter what their issue is.  Would it not be lovely if people in this world could be like this.

you get some good and some less good psychologists (I guess).  Some wait for the bell to ring, others let you talk until everything is off your chest.  Mine is good, for example, mine is not a clock watcher and time means nothing.  

Please post again

K