I've suffered depression and anxiety for over ten years, I've tried medication, counselling ect and i eventually got to a point where I managed it, don't get me wrong everyday is a struggle but I get up and go, I've lost so many friends, family over this as most just couldn't understand why I just couldn't cheer up or get over it, so when it all boiled down to it, I had my mum and dad, my grandparents, my wife and my dog jasmine.
But in the last few years I've lost my mum, my grandparents, and my father had a stroke and is in nursing care, so I don't worry him no matter how bad I feel. My wife is always been here for me and still is, she has seen me at my worse and stuck by me through it all, I know she cares and will always listen, but I don't want to lump it all on her, it worries her greatly and will always ask what can she do to help, but I can never answer that since I don't know myself.
i know some will find this stupid, but the reason I finally decided to join and post was because of my dog, jasmine is 14 years old and now has arthritis, on going to the vet yesterday we have been informed that we should get a X-ray in a weeks time if she hasn't improved as it may be bone cancer, if that is the case there is not much we can do. My wife is hurting just as bad as me but is very strong and knows that if she is in server pain the responsible thing to do would be let her go. I do understand this as well, but what people don't get is that, when I was diagnosed jasmine was there, when I was rolled up in a ball crying, walking the house while everyone slept, sitting in the yard, and had no one else to talk to she was there. And now it could end up being my decision to let her go, I will never let her live in pain, but it's tearing me up inside thinking what could happen, maybe the medication will work, maybe nothing will show on the X-ray, but a week is so long to see my friend struggle and wait for medication to start taking effect.
I will also add that we live interstate from my remaining family and friends, my wife works full time and I'm at home alone all day, jasmine is who I turn to in those low moments during the day, a simple sit and chat to her works better than any medication ever has,I have had pets die before but I've been well lucky as it has always been peacefully in there sleep.
I know this is silly but I'm really struggling at the moment and all my demons are hitting me full force.
id welcome any advice
