I know I need to let her go but it's so hard

[Kaizer_1989]

Hello everyone.

I have this ex which I have a lot of history (mostly complicated) and I need to let her go but I just can never seem to.

We always fight, we have tried to remain friends with benefits, for weeks we are great, we hang out we talk we have fun and mostly we are happy but then something happens like she cancels on me (and let me just say she does like usually 9 times outta 10) and I get so irritated cause she's knows how much I hate it, then it just gets outta control and it gets bad. Then we don't speak for weeks and then it becomes better and we go through it all over again a month or 2 months later.

I don't want a relationship with her and neither do I. But I've known her for so long and we have been through a lot that I just want her around but she makes me feel so shit about myself because I just want to see her or hang out. Then I'm in the wrong cause I get emotional when she doesn't want to see me. Am I insane? Am I crazy?

i know I probably need to let her go, she makes me so mad and upset and I get into these moods that I can't get out of for days.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I need help

[Nad]

hey Kaizer_1989,

first of all, i seriously applaud u being able to stay friends with her till now. i had a relationship with my ex for 3 years. it was an emotional and physical relationship so you could imagine that separation was an up most devastation for me. dumped me on the basis of "i want to be free to do whatever i want". i guess we were young and she was coming to that age to travel the world, party, get drunk, experience life etc. a week later she was with another guy in which i felt soooo burnt. i wasn't able to be friends heck be any where near her as it was soooo painful. i remember dropping flowers off at her house, buying jewellery, writing letters saying sorry and that i'll change. thing was, it wasn't my fault, it was her changing. anyway, like i said, i never can be friends with ex's because it hurts too much. its never easy and i'm not going to lie, every day was hard but one day became 2, became a week, became a month, year etc. i took this period of time to renew myself, find new friends, buy new close, catch up on tv shows that i missed out on etc. theoretically...i just tried to find things that occupied that emptiness/pain in my heart. memories don't disappear but new ones can fill your heart 😄

[geoff]

hi Kaizer, if she cancels 9 times out of 10 then that surely tells you that she's either annoying you or playing with you just to make you cross, both ways a r/ship would never last, so basically you figure yourself seeing her as someone who maybe perfect, however when nothing works out then this destroys this image of her and now you're only kidding yourself here.
If you do see her with someone else this will annoy you, but she doesn't want you, sorry, but there is no perfect dream here, you need to let go, cut your losses and move on, that's what you want to do, maybe you need a push especially if you are now suffering for several days.
Believe me ending a r/ship is never pleasant in the short term, but long term we learn so much. Geoff.

[Nad]

Hey Kaizer_1989, i agree with Geoff

i remember when i was in your shoes Kaizer_1989. i had many people say similar things that Geoff has advised and its very very hard to hear it. I remember a close friend of mine said that and i hated him for it as it didn't comfort me and all it did was annoy the poo out of me. i remember he use to take me out to fishing, watch movie, play soccer, help him clean his house. time began to move forward rather than stop and cause more pain inside. things will never move forward if you are in the same vicinity as her. it will only hurt more. If you're adamant that you want to be friends with her then i suggest recover and revisit the idea later. doing so now will only mess your mind up more. I know what i've said is hard to digest and is probably opposite as to what you want to hear but...give it a try... see if it helps..